xbox 360 desperately needs tamaki-neechan

Categories: commentary, l33t


Dear Microsoft,

As a stockholder, I am very concerned about your gaming division. I believe, right now, it is as big of a money sink as the original Xbox controller is large, and irregardless of how many Master Chiefs or Joanna Darks you toss at the Xbox, it will never succeed in Japan. What you need is Tamaki-nee. Get her as an “Only on Xbox 360” exclusive, and you will crush the PS3. It was pure genius how Aquaplus released a “PG” version of To Heart 2 to get the fanboys hooked, and then they come out with a not so PG version, and if it came out for the Xbox 360 instead of the PS2, I’m pretty sure almost all of those fanboys would have picked up an Xbox 360 just to see Tamaki-neechan get it on.

One reason why the Dreamcast is still popular in Japan is the huge library of games where the object isn’t to kill the opponent but to score with as many underaged girls as possible. I don’t believe this segment of the population is served well by the Xbox 360, as none of the launch games cater to lucrative 2.5 billion US dollar market. Because a lot of these people in this 2.5 billion dollar market buy a lot of PVC models, doujinshi, and DVDs, it is unlikely they are willing to purchase two $400 gaming machines. They’ll want one that can (1) play fighting games and (2) play h-games with Xbox Live and Halo being a distant third (unless Cortana starts wearing a seifuku, of course)… and, of course, scanning the launch library, there are no such h-games in your catalog. Just because Tamaki-nee doesn’t carry a rocket launcher, it doesn’t mean she can’t bring the heat and help you sell games and consoles just as well as Kameo, Jedi, or 50 Cent.

Concerned Shareholder

PS: Thank you Bluemist. If MSFT hits $100 because they picked up an exclusive to To Heart 3, I’ll buy you a drink sometime.

PPS: You probably should have allocated more Xbox 360s to America than Japan.

2 Responses to “xbox 360 desperately needs tamaki-neechan”

  1. I also read Bluemist’s entry on the XBox 360’s dissapointing launch in Japan. Yes, MS definitely needs more tamaki-nee. :3

  2. long live tamaki-neechan……..

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