zero no tsukaima harem power rankings™

Rena ended up besting Shion and Mion (though I think they would have won if I grouped them together) in the killer loli showdown. Still, isn’t it a bit sad that Satoko received less votes than Satoshi? Anyway, finally a new poll: Saito’s harem.

Continuing on from Utawarerumono Harem Power Rankings™, it’s time for Zero no Tsukaima‘s turn, and I’m glad that there’s no uncomfortable male members of Saito’s harem. As always, Saito’s harem is graded on (1) moe (2) seduction techniques, and (3) combat abilities. S is the best, F is the worst, so a grade of (C, B, A) would be C for moe, B for seduction, and A for combat abilities. The grades are also curved with respect to Zero no Tsukaima. While a guide, grades are not the basis used for ranking. Remember, this is a power ranking… so rank corresponds to position in personal preference and will change as the plot progresses.

Zero no Tsukaima Harem Power Rankings™

1. Siesta (S, B, F)

Siesta is love.

2. Jessica (A+, A-, F)

Sorry, tavern wench is a few notches below meido in my book. Now if Jessica wore one of those waitress meido outfits, she’d leapfrog Siesta. Easy as 1-2-3.

(We need a better meme for Jessica. Siesta has hers. Louise has the carryover from Shana. Sad thing is that nothing is coming to me… mmm… “Helloooooooo Jessica!” “Would you like fries with that?” “ZOMG NOSEBLEED”… needless to say, I’m having zero success in this endeavor.)

3. Henrietta (B, C, D-)

I’m ranking Henrietta higher than Louise for one simple reason: Henrietta is more woman. She also doesn’t punish poor Saito for flirting with meido. That counts for something.

4. Louise (Zero, Zero, Zero)


5. Kirshe (B-, A-, C+)

I think overt sexuality is less sexy than timid sexuality. I have no scientific way of qualifing this beyond, “I think Ashely Judd is much hawter than Paris Hilton.”

6. Tabitha (C, F, B)

Brings up the rear. You can argue that she has yet to try to seduce Saito thus she may not qualify for his harem. So I compromise and stick her in last place. Also, for being such an “uber” mage, she’s still fairly useless– her dragon’s been much more useful.

39 Responses to “zero no tsukaima harem power rankings™”

  1. Yes, but what about Hell’s Bu…. Oh wait, never mind.

    I think Siesta deserves the top spot no matter how we tabulate the data here, she’s just that much love. The group picture really does not do her justice.

  2. At this point Siesta has 13 out of 25 total votes. I suspect very lop-sided victory for Siesta unless Saito gets ‘Busy’.

  3. I would be… VERY surprised if Siesta does not win.

  4. Part of me is saying Kirsche because the has a harem of her own.

  5. o and “tavern wench” is a great meme for jessica

  6. henrietta looks much better in the novels

  7. Or we could shorten Jessica’s meme to just “T. Wench”.

  8. You forget Montmerenchy (sp?) and Fouqet.

  9. I would vote for Louise, but she hasn’t done anything to gain any sympathy so far; or at least not as much as Siesta.

  10. I have to go with Louise. That riding crop is sexy!

  11. This is going to be really close. And by “close”, I mean all the other characters put together might come close to Siesta’s total.

  12. I’m going to have to go for Henrietta. So cute…

  13. Gotta disagree with the “seduction techniques” score for Kirche. I’m fine with the “moe” score, since, while she is quite hot, she isn’t as moe as several of the other characters. But she’s easily got the best seduction techniques out of the group. She and Jessica both would have turned this into a hentai by now if it weren’t for Louise’s preternatural “Woody Sense” that lets her know when Saito’s being seduced, and Jessica doesn’t appear to have a harem of her own (although her father could certainly be a mitigating factor). I say S (or at least A+) for Kirche, and A for Jessica.

    And I’m also going to have to disagree with your “combat abilities” score for Tabitha. She bakuryuuha’s the Ultimate Blue Eyes White Dragon as a middleschooler, and all you give her is a B? Come on.

  14. @quigonkenny:

    The way I see it, Kirche gets a B+ (or at least a B, I kinda concur with jason about the overt sexuality) on seduction and Jessica gets an A (the minus look out of place, nothing about Jessica deserves a minus ^^).


    As far as I remember, the poll ended up like this:

    Rena: 38%
    Shion + Mion: 37%

    There is no denying it, not even adding their scores is enough to beat Rena. Kinda refreshing to know that not everyone is here because of melonpan addiction. And yeah, it’s sad that Satoshi gets more score than Satoko (why did you put him in the poll anyways?)

  15. Siesta will win, all right, but I’m still voting for Henrietta. She can be my queen anyday.


    Rena has plenty of melonpan as well. And Satoshi is there for the yaoi.

  16. If Siesta is love, Siesta and Henrietta together is Heaven.

  17. @Skribulous:

    I meant it as in it’s not really our “saio sen jiko yo!” (Wow, I haven’t used that expression in a long time). And I never said Rena doesn’t have her melonpan… those guys who made up the stuffed crust pizza meme should burn in hell (grrr…). Of course, I would always consider melonpan on any choice, but it’s just not my priority.

  18. Oh, dear, oh, dear. I can hear many fans chanting.

    Harem! Harem! Harem!

    Maybe Moroboshi Ataru was more realistic character than I thought.

  19. Tabitha is probably more A, won’t push for S, grade with her combat abilities if you take some of things hinted at and shown in ep 8 that suggests she does some magical black ops for certain powers in her country, and if one considers that she seems to know more spells than most of her classmates.

  20. The thought that we’ll probably never see Jessica again fills me with sadness.

  21. >>>The thought that we’ll probably never see Jessica again fills me with sadness.

    we actually see her once or twice in the novel

  22. oh ya ~Siesta is love.

  23. Wow, Siesta alone can pretty much face the rest of the harem judging by the scores. Jessica A+ moe? I’d have her at A-.

    Gotta love Louise’s ranking :D

    Seriously though, why are all these girls -Kirshe and Thabitha non-withstanding- all single? Are they men-deprived in their world? It’s the kind of information that would help. Hey, I’m ready to enlist to help them in their need. Saito should check their stance on polygamy.

  24. Louise I must vote for. She can kick a saito in the crouch and still look cute while snuggling with him in bed. X3

  25. Jessica, Siesta, and Henrietta = Ultimate Harem Works.

  26. >> You forget Montmerenchy (sp?) and Fouqet.

    They better not be in Saito’s harem.

    >> As far as I remember, the poll ended up like this: Rena: 38% Shion + Mion: 37%

    I think they would be higher if I ranked them together. The reasoning of just adding is flawed between twins gain even more moe when they are coupled togther… think of them like a set bonus in Diablo II.

    >> She bakuryuuha’s the Ultimate Blue Eyes White Dragon as a middleschooler, and all you give her is a B? Come on.

    My reasoning is that JC Staff turned her into a deus ex machina character whose powers only manifests when the plot wants it to. In other words, it’s like Impulse taking down Freedom, and then Destiny getting flawlessed by IJ fifteen episodes later. So I can’t give her anything higher because she’ll always be weak unless the plot requires a miracle from her, then she’ll be unstoppable. Averaging the two, a “C.”

    >> we actually see her once or twice in the novel

    Worst. News. Ever.

    >> Seriously though, why are all these girls -Kirshe and Thabitha non-withstanding- all single? Are they men-deprived in their world?

    Welcome to harem anime.

  27. >>Welcome to harem anime.

    I just fail to recall a recent harem where the protagonist wasn’t so non-isolated. In AMG they’re all goddesses, so other “non-special” humans are out. In Love Hina/Negima the girls had a natural barrier (dorm/school) that “prevents” them from seeing boys. In Fate/Stay Night the battle itself was an isolating setting/environment…

    Here however there’s nothing stopping them from looking elsewhere. Then again, Saito is pretty “special”.

    I need to extend my research…

  28. I wouldn’t call kirche as single, she is a player even with Saito around.
    Even louise is not really single as you will see in the next episode.

  29. Kirshe and Tabitha were excluded, Kirshe for her own male harem and Tabitha for her tragic past.

  30. Set bonus. lol you noob.. that’s only in LoD =)

  31. Hmmm.. I would go on louise with this one simply coz i didn’t really like siesta’s character. I dun really see much development for siesta as compared to louise. The more development the character gets the more one can grow to like her. In addition to that the change phrase from tsuntsun to deredere is what i would define as moe. However, this is not the case in SHnY coz the over-moeness of mikuru in all her costumes as well as being the doormat pawns all hahaha…

  32. noooooessss… shana ftw!!!!

  33. Siesta is love, but Henrietta’s got a heck of a nice personality AND a body, unlike Louise. Plus, she’s a princess of Tristen. Siesta’s my number one, but I’d have to bump Henrietta up to #2, just because of her sweetness and her… well, she’s definitely got a figure, for those who like physical things.

    Speaking of that, is it just me, or is Kirche almost comical BECAUSE of her overt sexuality? Unlike someone who’s actually semi-competent at using her body as a distraction, like Jessica or even Urd from AMG? I think of Kirche like ZnT’s version of Peorth: haughty, great figure, but without a clue as to how to use it, so it comes off as trashy or comedic, rather than ‘rowr’.

  34. I think i woulkd go for Louise or Maybe Jessica, both of them are soooo Cute together with Saito, Siesta aint hot, she’s a not! Siesta thinks she can get Saito with her Gigantic boobs and Henrietta too… In the first season, in episode 6, Louise sure looks like a sucker for Saito, trying to seduce him too, Siesta and Henrietta are the last for me!

  35. For Saito, it’s obvious Louise is the best for him because he lacks any sort of backbone or ability to work around Louise ie overpower her and take away the wand and the riding crop. Hell, he could at least bop her on the nose and go ‘No’ before hitting on her.

    As for me, Jessica for win. She’s the mature seductress rather than Siesta’s “I’ll probably still act virginal long afterwards” or Kirshe “I give full page spread new meaning”. Louise would get me locked up in jail as a sex-offender and I would agree even if she presented legal documents proclaiming that she was above consensual age. That and something about BEATING me whenever she’s angry not being cool.

  36. Henrietta FOR THE WIN!!

  37. Siesta is the #1 asshle in Japan

  38. Well, well, well…Where should I begin.

    Henrietta and Jessica are definately in my top list due to the fact that they just seem more human than other characters, and also are only really half-pursuing Saito (Henrietta openly admits she may just be using him to replace Wales, while Jessica’s flirtation is a means to an end).

    Kirche is friggen HOT, but not necessarily my favorite. Don’t get me wrong, I’d hit that, but I’d quit it the moment she started talking about dates. Besides, I’d probably get dumped first.

    Siesta, I’d say, is definately the best for Saito, (with Louise bringing up a close second), but idk. She seemed to become a bit more of a static object in the later seasons, mindlessly coming onto Saito in order to hault a romantic moment with Louise. Almost pissed me off more than Louise beating Saito afterwards.

    And Tabitha definately gets points in my “fuck-yeah factor” category. Not entirely sure why, though. I guess I just have a thing for both quiet characters and genuinely powerful characters. Plus there’s the bit at the end of Season 3 that rocked my face off.

    Final Score:

    1. Jessica
    2. Henrietta
    3. Tabitha/Kirche (tie)
    4. Siesta
    5. Louise

    And as a side note, Montmerenchy may not qualify for the harem, but she’s still win for being one of the few nobles who actually, routinely acts like a noble (instead of Louise, who just uses it as a meat-shield for her ego).

    Can’t wait for Syphid/Irukukwu and, better yet, Tiffania (!!BUST REVOLUTION!!) to join the fray.

Leave a Reply