kabukimonogatari 3

“Did something preposterous happen, causing the world to be destroyed?”

(Monogatari Series Second Season nine. At least 40% of this episode was done in cinematic format.)


Finally, a fucking reason why the city seems so empty! When Shinobu and Araragi are going around town wondering where the people went, I just kept thinking, “Well, honestly, the town looks no different than before population-wise.” I also like how the town is now depicted as being run down and with overgrowth… well… that’s just like two months! Not two years. I don’t expect two months to go by and suddenly all the roads go to shit. I also find it weird that Shinobu describes the apocalypse as one vampire creating a group and then that group making more… well… wouldn’t someone realize something was wrong at some point? It wouldn’t all happen overnight. It would still take at least three or four days. (Source: I’ve seen I Am Legend. World didn’t go to hell in one day. Took almost a week.) At the very least, wouldn’t people try to barricade themselves in as a desperate last ditch survival strategy a la Highschool of the Dead? There’s absolutely no sign of human struggle against the vampires. That’s disappointing. I’m also disappointed that Araragi’s and Shinobu’s grand plan is to light fireworks at night. If the vampires only come out at night, why would any survivors want to show themselves at night? Wouldn’t making a huge daytime bonfire be the best option? Or at least use those smoke guns from Attack on Titan.

(Attack on Titan is like the perfect show for Cartoon Network if it weren’t for the gore and death and despair. If HBO bought the rights to the franchise and then made a live action version of it, wouldn’t you watch? Or at least pirate? Wouldn’t the buzz for something that like be titanic?)


Like the vines are halfway up the building. Even during the rainy season and my backyard is the font of life, the vines don’t grow like forty feet in the span of two months. They may get like five feet taller, but that’s about it. Also, in two months, and the sculpture becomes… crooked? Shaft’s architecture choices annoys me as much as how Gundams can dodge lasers. I mean, no weapon designer in the history of mankind has gone, “You know what, this thing shoots too darn fast. Let’s slow it down to the point where a giant four hundred ton mecha can easily dodge it.” Said no one ever. If Legolas could, he’d probably attach micro-rockets to his arrows so they would go even faster.


I don’t blame Araragi for not realizing what happened on June 15th right away because the only reason I remembered was, “Hey, wasn’t Shinobu in the middle of fucking Utah looking for donuts, and then she magically re-appeared to stop Black Hanekawa in a deus ex machina-type event?”

(I’m pretty disappointed that we’re nine episodes in, and we barely had any Senjougahara or any characters outside of Hanekawa, Araragi, and Shinobu. Nadeko and Kanbaru haven’t even made token appearances yet. As much as I like watching Araragi and Shinobu cavort around in pedophilelistic grandeur, it’ll still be nice to feature the other characters once in a while. The show feels lacking when there’s no enough random Kanbaru seduction and Senjougahara spite.)


I’ve had long discussions in the past about what I would do if there was a zombie apocalypse, and I think a trip to Costco is the best course of action. They have a ton of supplies– plenty of bottled water, food that won’t spoil quickly, gear, batteries, and maybe even weapons (depending on what state you live in).

(I wonder if Shinbo is as big of a fan of Costco as I am… I mean, Costco was prominently featured in the first episode of Sasami-san. Let’s just say that I won’t be surprised if the final Madoka movie featured a battle inside a Costco with a witch that looks like one of the $1.50 hot dogs.)


Can vampires kill vampires like that? If the zombie vampires were vampires, how could they be able to kill Shinobu and Araragi? Isn’t Araragi already Wolverine-level of durability? And wouldn’t Shinobu have enough similar essence to Shinobu Prime that maybe the vampires would listen to her? Or am I overthinking this? I’m overthinking this. Time travel never makes sense in fiction, and this storyline will probably be as convoluted as Haruhi or X-Men where in the future we learn about another Araragi that jumps back in time to fix the fix that this Araragi is doing.

(Can’t wait for the next Simon Pegg movie about how he travels back in time to stop the scriptwriter of the movie from putting in an absurd deus ex machina time travel plot device into the movie.)


You know what? I wouldn’t blame Shinobu if she decided to end the world. If I go to the donut shop, and they are fucking out of cronuts again, I would burn the world to ashes. So I get where she’s coming from. Maybe she went all the way to Utah to discover that they were out of her favorite type of donut… gonna guess French cruller… and then she goes bonkers. But maybe in the correct history, Mayoi buys the last French cruller but gives it to Shinobu averting crisis. Maybe in this dystopic timeline, Johnny Manziel bought the last French cruller, taunted Shinobu by eating it in one gulp, and then kicked a puppy thus trigger this series of unfortunate events.


Three predictions for next episode…

1. It’s been a few episodes without fanservice. I was surprised that at least part of the conversation of this episode didn’t occur with Araragi and Shinobu in a hot tub.

2. After learning about how Japan got overrun with zombie vampires, Obama orders a strike on Syria. And Iran. And Canada. Especially Canada.

3. The Bills shock the Patriots in week one.

10 Responses to “kabukimonogatari 3”

  1. Just FYI, Shinobu’s favourite Doughnut is Golden Chocolate.

  2. Did you watch the episode properly? She said she has likely commited suicide.

    And the change is like this:
    Without Hachijuki as a ghost, Araragi doesnt find Shinobu. Without shinobu in his shadow, he dies at the hands of Black Hanekawa. With Araragi dead, Shinobu regains her full vampire powers, however, without Araragi she feels lost and sees no reason for living. So she creates the zombie apocalypse and kills herself off.

  3. I have to agree that the episode had a lot of technical and design loopholes, but I guess it was done to give the viewers a sense of desolation and despair. After all putting vertical lines over the characters’ eyes ala SnK isn’t Shafty enough. :)) Also, the vampires-becoming-zombies-once Shinobu dies is a bit… wonky I guess? The little details didn’t help (one day humanity wipe-out, little signs of struggle) in supporting this. Perhaps if the small details we’re supportive and referenced in previous episodes, then this mechanic might be more believable.

    TLDR: Nice episode but marred by small bits of inconsistencies here and there that leaves more questions than answers.

  4. We did see Kanbaru back in episode 3 when she was telling Hanekawa that Arararagi had invited her to the abandoned school for a quick fling. No Nadeko though.

  5. I’ll have to rewatch that specific scene again, but didn’t Ararararagi and Shinobu decide to setup fireworks during a cloudy day? That way, the sky would be darkened earlier for fireworks to be visible but not late at night enough for the vampire zombies to come out. I imagined late afternoon.

    Anyways, still a good read! The episode itself was more intense with stakes more dire than I expected.

    On another note, I remember an old HSotD post of yours where you suggested the Bakemonogatari cast would fare well in a zombie apocalypse. It’d be cool if we saw that come to fruition here. xD

  6. “Like the vines are halfway up the building. Even during the rainy season and my backyard is the font of life, the vines don’t grow like forty feet in the span of two months. They may get like five feet taller, but that’s about it. ”

    Guess you’ve never heard of Kudzu. It can grow up-to 2 meters per week, in parts of America it is know as “The Vine that Ate the South”.


  7. Time travel rarely ever makes sense. It shouldn’t be done unless you can guarantee only two or three plot holes that are unavoidable. This story has plot holes all over.

  8. Comparing the end of the world in *monogatari to Highschool of the Dead isn’t really accurate. Shinobu didn’t create a horde of shambling, mostly brain dead zombies that flail themselves uselessly against anything that makes loud noises. She unleashed a horde of fast, powerful, much more intelligent vampires, who can blend in with their prey, communicate normally to lie, coerce and mislead any possible resistance. Even then, I’m sure there were/are still some pockets of resistance scattered around the globe. Once Shinobu Prime committed suicide with Heart Span (I assume) did all the vampires degenerate into their anti-spiral state.

  9. This arc is turning out to be certainly the worst in Monogatari so far. It doesn’t make all that much sense and it isn’t terribly interesting either. Loli Hanekawa was a treat, but that’s a bullet already exhausted so I don’t know how they can save things now.

  10. Ha! Gotchya! The Bills only came CLOSE to shocking the Patriots. Heh, that Jason, always wrong about everything…

    man, that was not a great start to the Pats season.

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