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Mar 22 2004

Categories: anime

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Spoilers ahead. Continue at own peril. Don’t let potential images of chix0r on chix0r action cloud your judgement on this.

Edit: Split the post to reduce the loading from all the images. Also changed the image templates.

The Three Little Anime Series
(With apologies to everyone)

Once upon a time, in the land of the rising sun, there lived three anime series. The mother of the three anime series gave them each some yen and said, “You are old enough now to have your own endings. Please use the production budget and create them well, or else the fanboys will come and make fun of your series.” And so with the three series set off to make their endings.

The first one, Groove Adventure Rave (GAR), wasted its entire budget trying to be a DBZ knock-off. Haru Glory was supposed to gather five pieces of rave to destroy the evil that threatened this land. Instead, after 51 episodes of DBZ posing, he only gathered two. GAR said, “Don’t worry, my ending will hold up to the fanboys. I have super-saiyan powa! It won’t seem like I’m missing a wall here or a wall there at all.”

The second one, Sister Princess, decided that the best way to fend off the fanboys is to create some artificial conflict and resolve it at the end. Karen-tachi said, “Don’t worry, my ending will hold up to the fanboys. Having Wataru choose between (1) his 12 step-sisters (ADV version) who will satisfy any fetish he may have (he has none since he’s perfect) or (2) his his gay buddy will be a great ending. It won’t seem like manufactured housing at all.”

The third one, Yami to Boushi to Hon no Tabibito, was not available for comment. Too busy fortifying with fanservice and arming the anti-fanboy sniper turrets with chix0r on chix0r action.

So one day the fanboys arrived. They went up to GAR‘s ending and said, “Open up, or I’ll huff and puff and post how crappy your ending is on various BBS across the web.” The response: “Do your worst. Even though my plot is not even half-way resolved, I feel this is a great ending.” So the fanboys huffed and puffed…

… and ended up posted how crappy the ending was on various BBS across the web.

Next to visited Karen-tachi‘s ending and said, “Open up, or I’ll huff and puff and post how crappy your ending is on various BBS across the web.” The response: “Do your worst. Even though my plot is fabricated and pitifully weak, I feel this is a great ending.” So the fanboys huffed and puffed…

… and ended up posted how crappy the ending was on various BBS across the web.

Finally, the fanboys arrived at Yami‘s stronghold of fanservice. The fanboys were waiting to sink their teeth into the final delicious victim. “Open up, or I’ll huff and puff and post how crappy your ending is on various BBS across the web.” There was no response. So the fanboys huffed and puffed…

… and ended up exhausting themselves gawking over all the chix0r on chix0r fanservice.

“Mmm…” though the fanboys, “I must assault this ending somehow. There must be a weak point.” So the fanboys paced around and came up with a foolproof plan. They acquired through black markets a MH-60G Pave Hawk helicopter and would airdrop into the Yami facility under cover of night. “Hahaha… wtf! Bonta-kun!” was the last transmission from the helicopter. Yami invited its friend Bonta-kun over with anti-fanboy fanservice missiles.

And, uh, some people, I guess, lived happily ever after. But not Sagura. He’s a dead man.

The end.

Next time on Anime Fairy Tales: Henrietta and the Three Bears!