blog好き

Sep 13 2009

Categories: bakemonogatari
Tagged: monogatari

42 Comments »

“I really wanted an older brother.”

Not able to use Powerpoint, Meme resorts to using shadow puppets for his presentation of the snake oddity. Surprisingly, it works quite well! Next week, for my presentation concerning substrate noise on tunable oscillators, I’ll do it all via shadow puppets. Fuck you Microsoft Office.

(Even like the way Meme works out a shadow tongue for the snake.)

Wait, how is Meme holding perfectly still on the chair like that? Shouldn’t it be unstable if he’s not leaning into something? Quick! We need Mythbusters to be invovled. And, honestly, that would be the greatest episode of Mythbusters ever: busting anime myths. Let’s start with Meme’s chair here, but let’s end with the gravity-defying melonpan featured in Princess Lover.

And, wait, how did he get on top of that pile so quickly?

(I’m not convinced that Princess Lover 10 was a leak. More likely, it’s a sad way to boost interest in a flailing show, but that’s just my opinion. Plus, it’s a show– much like Akasaka— that should have been going the fanservice route since day one. I mean, nothing gets the web talking like nudity, and gratuitous nudity at that. Needless to say, I have Princess Lover ranked ahead of Needless right now.)

(I think Kyoto Animation should be taking hints right now.)

Another arc, another OP. Renai Circulation. Constantly changing up the OP was what Kyoto should have done with K-On!. Interestingly, Kana Hanazawa is voicing the lead for the much hyped Cencoroll. I just want to say the last time an anime was promoted and/or hyped because of the music involved was… Xam’d. OTL.

(Is Sengoku C.C.’s little sister? I feel like an empty Pizza Hut cardboard box would have fit in nicely in this scene.)

Kaerimichi was just epic for all the Mayoi…. Ambivalent World was awesome for all the yuri influences (and the slam dunking)… Staple Stable made me mad because it should have been My Love Is a Stapler… but Renai Circulation just feels last minute. I think Shaft is fading!

(All I can say is that they better knock Tsubasa Cat’s opening out of the park. It’s the last one of the on-air season, and it’s Horie Yui. I know they can do it; Hanaji, Shoujo Q, euphoric field… I expect nothing less than mind-blowing awesome. In other words, the exact opposite of Super Driver.)

“Demons, cats, crabs, snails, monkeys– and now snakes?”

I think we have the chronology of events down– still have the demon and cat to go– and probably not a lot of Senjougahara at that point. Makes me sad. Until I realize that it means more loli vampires and more Hanekawa. But I’m disappointed that Shaft didn’t work in a placard that said, “Snakes? Why’d it have to be snakes?”

(And if they did… “Snakes? There’s motherfucking snakes on the plane?!” it would have been the greatest line ever, surpassing Ritsu’s “Mio, can you lean forward and squeeze your boobs together? Please? Do it for me?” on the K-On! Blu-Ray extra.)

(And, yes, even poorly drawn Mio couldn’t be seen from the front in such a compromising pose. Those $&^%! at Kyoto animated this whole scene from the backside.)

“Okaeri nasai, Koyomi onii-chan.”

I’m pretty sure this pose and that line is what Koyomi spends 680 yen for each month at the adult magazine shop.

He said last episode that his sisters would be back shortly… and after a trip to Meme’s and back, his sisters are still not around? Mmm… rare slip up by Nisio Isin? I thought at first it looked like a wrapped up iPhone. You have a Nadeko Snake? We have an app for that!!!

(And what do you think would be the funniest possible thing that Koyomi is holding right now? Please, no Astroglide jokes. Thanks.)

Wouldn’t Koyomi’s parents be suspicious that there’s a nakkid loli and a lesbian in his room with him? And wouldn’t his supportive girlfriend be texting him at the very least asking how’s his shrine visit with Kanbaru went? Either Koyomi’s the luckiest guy alive, or he has the most clueless family around him. Or both.

“Sengoku’s in danger.”

No duh! she’s hanging out with a lolicon and a lesbian with admitted experience with younger girls. More interestingly, I’m still puzzled why the HDTV standard committee picked 16:9 rather than 21:9 since 21:9 is full cinema ratio. Wasn’t the idea of HDTV to reset television to be more like cinema? Why go half-ass? I just hate black bars around my screen.

(And don’t get me started on anime that still air in 4:3… again…)

And unlike the supportive girlfriend, Sengoku isn’t bad at wearing clothes. I’m so confused. Is this a plus or a minus?

Sengoku got cursed by the girl who liked the guy who she rejected? Wha? How does that work? Wouldn’t this other girl be glad she rejected him, thus able to snag this guy for herself? Like if Alto decided on Ranka, but Ranka turned Alto down, why would Sheryl be mad at Ranka? Wouldn’t Sheryl be trying to seduce a heartbroken Alto? Am I missing something here?

(Anyone who should be disappointed, it should be the guy, right?)

Isn’t this the same way that Senjougahara fell? I keep waiting for Koyomi to save Meme.

(An empire made of desk chairs… is only an empire made of desk chairs.)

“Shinobu is the king of vampires.”

I think this arc is just setting up the next two arcs. It’s almost like the relief pitcher or setup man of story arcs. Hitaga Crab was the starter, and Koyomi Vamp will be the closer.

I like her hat. I also like how she longingly looks at Koyomi. I definitely like how she calls him “Koyomi onii-chan.”

I like the background changes as the trio walk back to the shrine. Nice job by Shaft. I also hope that they are somehow involved in Fallout 4. It’s the right thing to do.

I called Vegas, and they wouldn’t give me odds on what Sengoku should be most afraid of: the snake, the lesbian, or the kinky lolicon. Frankly, if they don’t have odds for this sort of thing, what’s the point of having a Vegas?

(Loved Kanbaru’s “Don’t worry. I’ll make you into a woman.” look.)

Sengoku admits that she rejected the poor bloke because she likes someone else. (If you haven’t figured out that it’s Koyomi… well… I have some magic beans that I’d like to sell you.)

Dear Shaft,

We don’t need to be staring into Koyomi’s nostrils as the underaged loli is trying to subtly confess her love to him. This is a worse idea than ESPN’s FloorCam that peeked up into Vlade Divac’s shorts during the 2002 playoffs.

Sincerely,
blog好き

“I really wanted an older brother.”

A lolicon paired up with a oniicon. Match made in heaven! Honestly, Koyomi was too hasty in picking Senjougahara– true, she’s superior (for the rest of us), but for his kinks and perversions, wouldn’t Sengoku be perfect for him? And she wouldn’t fight back like Mayoi. At the very least, Koyomi must be thinking of Sengoku as a backup waifu, much like how Tomoya should have viewed Kyou.

I really hope that eventually Bakemonogatari features a story where Koyomi tries to use an oddity to kill Senjougahara before she finds out about his affair with Sengoku thus sparking a massive bloodbath that hasn’t been seen since Kitsu in Zan Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei.

(Biggest bloodbath in anime is still the end of End of Evangelion. No, not for the literally bath of blood that became humanity– but for all the blood shed by fanboys trying to defend, explain, attack, or reconcile the ending.)

“But why a school swimsuit of all things?!”

“I was trying to go along with your fetishes.”

Kanbaru is awesome. Not only did she want to dress Sengoku up in a school swimsuit, she had one– miraculously– handy. Where did she get this? Did she swipe this from Rara-chan? Or does Kanbaru have access to girls clothing a la Kuze from ef? But we did see Sengoku dress earlier, and she wasn’t wearing the swimsuit then… did she just change?

“Don’t do that!”

“So you admit it’s a fetish of yours?”

Ding ding ding! Winner winner chicken dinner!

They’re in the middle of nowhere… late at night… with some high powered lights. Oh, there’s an underaged girl dressed up in fetish clothing standing in the middle of a nice bed sheet. I swear, if a passerby stumbled across this scene, they’d think it was a shoot for some sort of Japanese pr0n DVD release. Sketchy scene 4tw!

Ready? Set? Action!

(Or at least think, “Oh, it’s the SOS Brigade filming their sequel.”)

“[Koyomi onii-chan] please look at me!”

I kinda understand why Senjougahara can’t be involved in this arc, as she’d probably be stapling Sengoku’s intestines together about now. But she doesn’t have a big role (I think) in the final two arcs– I want to see more Senjougahara! This is horrible. At the very least, I want an OVA special where we haremettes get together for a girl’s band (I know I mentioned this before) with Hanekawa on vocals, Kanbaru on drums, Senjougahara on bass, and Sengoku on guitar. I even have a name for this band: “The Oddities!”

At least Shaft is only using the vintage filter and not the cyborg filter on their new iPod Nano. And, yes, I’m positive that the iPod Nano has suddenly become the world’s greatest amateur pr0n camcorder. It’s small, it’s discrete, it’s everywhere, and one can convince someone that because of the bad image quality, not much will be visible. Apple– pure genius on your part.

“Can I call you Koyomi onii-chan?”

Childhood friend and little sister archetypes! I wonder where does this leave his actual two sisters.

Chuck Norris wouldn’t need a charm to save Sengoku from a snake oddity. He’d just growl, and it would shiver up and die.

“Let’s not start sucking each other’s dicks just yet.”

Loved that line from Pulp Fiction. That’s exactly what (figuratively) Kanbaru and Koyomi are doing when they see the snake being removed from Sengoku and start letting down their guard. One, there’s still ten minutes left in the episode. Two, the twist has yet to be revealed. This won’t end so cleanly.

“Curses, like chickens, come home to roost.”

Also Republican governors from South Carolina. Let’s not forget about them.

(Sparkle sparkle! Why didn’t a similar scene make it into Mikuru 00? I protest!)

Reminds me of Bokurano… *shudders*

My dream scenario: Meme leaves the city… but Shana and Yuji move in! It’ll be awesome.

(Koyomi depends on Meme way too much. Every arc has been Koyomi finds oddity, Koyomi gets advice on oddity from Meme, Koyomi realizes there’s a twist. The formula is good… the writing is good… but I want to see Koyomi try and succeed on his own for once. Oh, and we’re due for another Senjougahara shower scene.)

I still like my idea where Koyomi becomes Charilie with Senjougahara, Kanbaru, and Hanekawa as his Angels after Meme leaves. It’s been too long since we’ve gotten a team of three super hawt women together fighting crime and the supernatural. (I just hope it’s not as badly executed as the new 90210 or the new Melrose Place, both horrible, horrible shows that aren’t even close to being the fun train wrecks that were the originals. Kinda like Haruhi Suzumiya 2009. I kid. Maybe.)

Invisible snake choking little girl? I’d be really surprised if this made it on Cartoon Network… but this the type of show that needs to make it on cable TV just to show that anime is more than just giant mecha. No, seriously, there’s other genres to anime as well… like this… like Princess Lover… like Needless… okay, maybe not so much.

Snakes on a plane? Try snakes on a loli. “Snakes? We’ve got snakes… on this loli!”

(I like how she’s able to wear clothes over her body yet under the snakes. Did the clothes just magically go through the snakes? Or were the snake kind enough to uncoil themselves thus allowing her to change? I want to know these things. And, frankly, if I were an author, I’d devote a solid four pages detailing this. You know I would.)

Ararararagi is upset that he spent 600 yen buying September’s issue of “Schoolgirls with Snakes” when he had the real thing in front of him… for free!

(Yes, it would be hilarious if it is revealed that Araragi has more weird fetishes than Michael Jackson, Troy McClure, Prince, Mark Sanford, and Gilbert Gottfried combined. I’m rooting for this.)

See, the guy who she rejected wishing ill will on her… more believable. And this is exactly what every car flag-waving Haruhi fanboy looked like after episode four of Endless Eight.

He should have done this from the beginning. So what if the snake might run away and kill the guy who put on the curse? The loli who has an inexplicable crush on you is more important! (Note to guys in middle school still: you really shouldn’t be reading this blog. But, if you are, be nice to girls around you and fix their bikes. You won’t regret it.)

I can tell Shaft is behind in their animation schedule as most of the upcoming cuts all feature extended amounts of… nothing. Sigh. I’m convinced that they spent too much time animating Kaerimichi… all those Mayois don’t draw themselves!

Watching Koyomi get his ass kicked by the snake… has he ever won a fight? And wouldn’t it be awesome if Samuel L. replaced Meme for this episode as Koyomi’s helper?

(Gruesome… not as bad as Taokaka putting on a beatdown… but still gruesome…)

Reminds me of Anaconda, once of the worst movies of the 90s. Only thing I remember from that movie was Owen Wilson asking J Lo “Is it just me or does the jungle make you really, really horny?”

(Speaking of crappy acting, the girl in this YouTube clip has about the same acting range as J Lo. It’s not a compliment. Also, if you’re making a self-deprecating video of yourself, dolled-up, on YouTube, that’s flirty. You’re trying to flirt with millions of strange, socially awkward guys and non-traditional females. I’m sorry. That’s just the way it is. Wait, I did watch the video… and so did you… crap. Let’s get back to discussing our cartoon about middle school girls getting choked by snakes while a master lolicon fetishist and a stalking lesbian watch with baited breath.)

If some passerby came by this scene right now, they’d probably think, “Mmmm… next time I’m in Akibahara, remind me to pick up this DVD when it’s released. It looks interesting.”

(Koyomi vs. snake… he should have brought a weapon or a torch of some sort. If he knew that his backup plan was to rip the snake from his backup waifu, he should have brought a weapon of some sort.)

Awesome, the solution to Koyomi’s stubbornness is yet more physical violence. And does Koyomi have any clothes left without tons and tons of blood stains? Like wouldn’t his mom notice that his clothes have been soaked in blood?

Two arcs in a row where someone a bit too hyped up gets jumped on a girl who was on the sidelines previously. Not that I’m complaining. In fact, I hope Kanbaru and Koyomi go the Chasing Amy route… the more haremettes he acquires, the bloodier the day of reckoning with Senjougahara.

“Don’t be mistaken for whom you are trying to save.”

Mmm… nothing more to add. The chickens have come home to roost.

(Okay, I do have something to add. “Don’t be mistaken for why you’re a great anime.”)

(Not for Ghostory but for some other franchise.)

They should start selling ad space or do random messages like the interstitial on Adult Swim. Or at least promote their new web game, Zombie Hooker Nightmare featuring Negima!.

“Koyomi onii-chan… thank you for saving me!”

I know Hanekawa is next… but what will really move Bakemonogatari into the greatest ever pantheon is an arc about a meido. All I can say about a Meido Pony arc is… If. There. Is. A. Oyashiro-sama.

And cue The Story We Don’t Know… and we’re out– wait, hun? An arc didn’t end with Koyomi being waken up by his sisters and meeting the haremette outside of his house the next morning? Did my TV break? What the fuck?! Noooooooo!

(I really hope it’s because Shaft just ran out of time. They had such a good thing going too. Like you didn’t want to see yet another inventive way that Koyomi gets dragged out of bed… followed by Sengoku thanking him by lifting up her blouse to reveal a school swimsuit underneath.)

(I really want more of Nisio Isin’s work to be made into anime by… gasp… Shaft.)

Pop quiz 4tw! I have a question for you… he’s reckless, he tussles with invisible snakes, and he managed to convince a middle school girl to come with him to a temple at night wearing a school swimsuit… is Ararararagi gar?

Greatest. Final image. Ever.

(If I had a better version in 2048×1152 of this, it would be my new wallpaper.)