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Jan 23 2012

Categories: episodic review, nisemonogatari
Tagged: monogatari, nisemonogatari

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“Araragi-sempai, it seems you’ve not yet recognized the true final boss’s existence.”

“Ararargi-san, you’ll make a great waifu.”

Agreed. In any pairing from Monogatari, I can’t see Arararagi wearing the pants in the relationship. Maybe with Nadeko… definitely not with Kanbaru, Senjougahara, and Mayoi. Definitely, absolutely not with Hanekawa. And I like Kanbaru’s and Koyomi’s cleaning solution: they basically threw all her ero hon out into the courtyard.

Yeah, I think Koyomi will end up with Mayoi. One, the last novel is “Hitagi End,” which I am assuming means the same thing as the last novel for Katanagatari. Two, it can’t be Hanekawa since they joke about it too much. Three, it’s Nisio Isin. We can’t count anything out except there’s not going to be a penis mobile and vagina tank at the end.

(Yet another reason why Shaft visual style is awesome: they mention Game of Life last episode with Nadeko not letting a female peg into Araragi’s crossover SUV, and here we have an Araragi peg with a Hanekawa peg. Compete with ahoge and cat ears. Any other studio would have just saved the budget and just re-used some Kanbaru face footage.)

Yep, as I said since Bakemonogatari, Arararagi secretly wants to bone Mayoi. Who do I feel most sorry for? Probably poor Nadeko who is regulated to second mistress status… and she’d be completely fine with it.

(Curiously missing from this diagram: Heart Over Blade.)

I think if anyone seriously tried to seduce Koyomi, they would succeed. Unless it’s poor Nadeko.

(I feel like Nishio Ishin should do a follow-up side-story years from now about Koyomi’s and Senjougahara’s wedding, only do it in the style of My Great Big Fat Gypsy Wedding. Who wouldn’t watch that? And I feel like it would be the greatest anime couple wedding since Keitaro and Naru.)

“It’s easy for girls to take advantage of your kindness, so be careful.”

Nothing says B-I-G-P-I-M-P-I-N-G as having your girlfriend’s best friend slash lesbian as your mistress. I feel like this would be in Jerry Springer category… unless Araragi gets Kanbaru pregnant, then definitely Maury.

“I like our current relationship, so I wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize it.”

Araragi’s “Wait, you’re friendzoning me?” face.

At first, I thought Shaft snuck Kyubey into this scene, which would have been 100% awesome and 100% what I hated about 2008 Shaft. Senjougahara and Hanekawa are locked into the greatest anime Cold War since Ayeka and Ryoko over Tenchi. Well, maybe that one isn’t as cold. But it really would be interesting to see how Senjougahara and Hanekawa share some screentime now.

Sorry, completely spoiled by Summer War‘s hanafuda scenes, and this scene felt like filler. At least have play strip hanafuda.

“Araragi-sempai, it seems you’ve not yet recognized the true final boss’s existence.”

It’s like Kanbaru is writing my blog for me. Perfect line is perfect.

Classic Shaft. Couldn’t finish 二言目 on-time, make do with whatever they can, and then finish it at a later time. Where have I seen this before?

Many versions, each suggesting that the previous one was unfinished? Text flying in the background? Off color? Spinning haremette? Falling haremette dissolving? Well, in this week’s installment of Retro Shaft Openings, we have my personal favorite, euphoric field‘s final version. I would imagine if Shinbo chose 二言目 for the last episode opening for Nisemonogatari, Senjougahara would stop falling at the end.

(Gosh, ef is five years old at this point. Wow. Feeling older than usual.)

Kanbaru’s line of “… for a few more years…” is quite foreshadowing. We know that it’s just setting up her final arc much like Nadeko’s must-not-be-opened closest (which I suspect would be the same as Kirino’s– dedicated to onii-sama-san). I also feel it’s rare in anime to devote two arcs per haremette as most harem shows just have one story per haremette. (Imagine if Toyoma had to get two lights per haremette instead of one… wow.) It’s like… backtracking.

The artistic design conveys a nice ominous mood for Araragi, and it does it well. My gosh, I just realized that the anime equivalent of a Teboner is a Shinboner.

(In terms of anime studios, none really focus on artistic design. Shaft’s the only studio that has an this level of attention to detail, and one can tell that Shinbo is as big of a typography freak that Steve Jobs was. But, hey, I doubt the average anime fan cares, which explains why we have a fourth season of Zero no Tsukaima.)

The mood… Shaft… so… well…

(You know who does this art direction just as well? Akitaro Daichi. Too bad he hasn’t done much since his run of Jubei-chan, NTHT, and Ran. Goddamnit, now I feel ancient old. Like xel’naga old.)

Another male character? Can’t be good news. One thing I don’t get is this town. It’s supposedly an up-and-coming suburb as seen by the construction during Mayoi Snail and also how suburban Araragi’s house looks, yet Kanbaru lives in this traditional fortress with trees and a small creek next to it. What? Not to mention during Tsubasa Cat, most of the town looked like the Oakland shipyards. I feel like I need to study the map of this town a bit. It’s either the most dyslexic town since Portland, or it’s large and all-consuming like LA.

“Guillotine Cutter.”

My ears perked up. There’s no way Kalki can be anything other than a suspicious villain, and there’s no way he’s not going to get not involved with Araragi’s imoutos. Still, I wonder if I have to wait until 2014 to find out about Guillotine Cutter. Waiting for Monogatari franchise has at least made me forget about waiting for The Intrigues of Haruhi Suzumiya and beyond.

(Also seems like Kalki has some business with Kanbaru’s family. Will not be surprised if he is her dad.)

I like how Araragi knows that he shouldn’t tail Kalki since he’s a potential threat, yet he gladly stepped into Nadeko’s room, which is a bigger threat. Oh Araragi, you have the decision-making genius of the cast of Danshi Nichijou.

Slow pan on Senjougahara… swiftly approved. Loved how she walks away from Araragi once he calls out to her… classic. And, yeah, this town looks so much like a Chinese ghost town.

Yep. I probably missed like 15,532 homages up to this point already.

If her pupils were red, she would be indistinguishable from Yuno Gasai. I do like it that she’s a complicated ball of emotions at this point… she’s upset that Araragi skipped out on tutoring, which he desperately needs to get into the same college as her… but he’s getting tutored by the Soviet Union to her America (or is she the Ruskies in this scenario?). The best part is just Senjougahara simmering anger… just such a blend of contempt and disgust and vitriol without actual noisy anger. No haremette does it better.

“The fact that a man like you won over my heart will shame me for the rest of my life.”

Senjougahara is the best.

Is this flirting? I can’t tell. But I thought Senjougahara never saw Mayoi’s gags with Koyomi, which was the point of Mayoi Snail (i.e. no one saw Mayoi except Koyomi, and Senjougahara just saw him talking to himself). How does Hitaga recreate a scene that she’s supposedly never seen or heard? Egads, plot hole!

“They say a woman’s better off with an unloved man versus a man who loves.”

Senjougahara just recapped Liz Lemon’s love life.

(There’s been three pans from Senjougahara’s legs to face already and zero from her face to legs. I feel like you should know these things. It’s all part of Senjougahara Fascination.)

“Three. Or maybe it’s five?”

Someone is jelly~

“The number of girls you’ve played with today. Six, to be completely accurate.”

Loved this scene. Especially enjoyed Araragi’s o_o;; face as well as how Senjougahara kept forcibly moving his head via his ahoge. But two of the girls are his sisters! And one is you! Though I’m not sure if using the “It’s only 3 girls!” defense helps Araragi at this point.

“Don’t worry Araragi-kun, but I’m quite tolerant regarding adultery.”

“I’m not committing adultery. I’m not even engaging in the ‘adult’ part.”

“So regardless of what yo play, with whom, that is your choice. But if any of it ever gets the slightest bit serious…”

Flying into the danger zone… the bringing out of her exacto knife is a nice touch… Araragi’s shivering is a nice touch… the heavy drums BGM is a nice touch…

(Dear Crunchyroll, get your honorifics right. Don’t lazily translate everything as “-san” when it clearly isn’t. Either use them properly, or don’t use them at all.)

“… I’ll kill you.”

Chiwa Saitou is gashing the defense with huge runs at this point. She’s as fun to watch as 1992 Barry Sanders at this point. Shaft nailed the casting for Bakemonogatari.

“Don’t worry, Araragi-kun. I won’t let you die alone. I’ll send the other woman right after you. Then I’ll send Kanbaru, so you don’t get lonely.”

The scary part isn’t what she says, it’s that she’s 100% capable of doing it. At this point, Araragi must be thinking, “Not worth it! I should have waited before dating her. I only had one make-out session with her, and I am suddenly nervous because I am only friends with girls who want to jump my bones.” Poor Araragi… he has no guy friends. No bros to play Modern Warfare 3 with or crossdress with.

(Guy friends in harem anime are so unrealistic. They either don’t exist, or they solely exist to help reinforce the “guys are perverted” mantra [sup Sunohara]. I just watched an episode of Amagami SS+ Plus where Junichi was trading pr0n or gravure tapes with another classmate. What the fuck? Seriously? Maybe trading URLs to pr0n streaming sites but actual tapes? Who does this anymore? Especially in 2012?)

(And why does the BGM remind me of Skyrim’s theme? If Araragi were the Dovahkiin… mmm…)

“I put a decent amount of effort into being your woman.”

What Senjougahara is doing to Araragi is the equivalent of a puppy peeing on something: just marking its territory.

“I thought you saw Kanbaru nakkid.”

Population minimalism. No cars or pedestrians in this lonely, lonely world. Also, Senjougahara states that she is returning from shopping yet I see no shopping bags. Either she didn’t buy anything or… plot hole!

(Also willing to accept an explanation that, because of population minimalism, there’s actually no shopkeepers. They’re all just life actors going through the motions like a drama play at this point.)

“THERE… ARE… FOUR… LIGHTS!”

Senjougahara’s head tilt adds a new dimension to the Basic Instinct parody. She is quite believable as an interrogator– though her cold, calculating demeanor is more of a Romulan than a Cardassian. I think we can already guess than this Kalki dude is basically bad news. Is he the anti-Meme? Probably. Does he remind me of a rejected character from Soul Eater? Definitely.

(I typed out “Kardashian” instead of “Cardassian” originally. OTL. I hate life in the 2010s sometime.)

Araragi sees… five… frauds? In any case, he’s no Picard.

“I’ll go ‘click’ on him.”

“Cute sounds do not make it ok!”

Cute sounds always make it ok. I like how Senjougahara is trying to save Araragi from himself, but we just know there’s no way the issue can be solved other than Araragi interjecting himself in the worst possible way. We also know that while Senjougahara is bat-shit insane, she’s not Yuno bat-shit insane and will allow Araragi to walk… since she loves him because of his idiot drive to solve other people’s problems and restraining Araragi isn’t what she ultimately wants. However, it’ll be interesting to see how Senjougahara contributes to the final solution. She was useful for Suruga Monkey and Mayoi Snail, but she didn’t do much for either Nadeko Snake or Hanekawa Nyan.

Christopher: This episode had the most fanservice of the entire *monogatari series

What? You’re not topping “I’m just not good at wearing clothes.” We got nipple action plus stationary print underwear. Going to be difficult to top.

Dominus41: But he already directed pr0n under the name of Jyuhachi Minamizawa (Personally, I’d recommend Seijun Kango Gakuin).

What? I was just joking too. We need to add this to Shinbo’s wikipedia page if this is true.

SH: This show is tits, with crack on them.

Yep… these are my readers.

Silly Araragi complaining about Hitagi trying to give him a cell job.

Araragi is so much man, he doesn’t just break free of the handcuffs, he destroys them like the Hulk. They just shatter at his little sister saving power. More importantly, if Senjougahara had like twelve sets of handcuffs at her disposal, he chose well. If you know what I mean.

“That’s really cool.”

Holy shit, Araragi being a man? And making Senjougahara swoon? Araragi is making a bold, “Don’t lump me with other male harem characters. I can bang Nadeko and Kanbaru at the same time anytime I want.” statement.

“If I were a man, I’d love you.”

“Stay a woman, and love me anyway!”

Araragi’s victory is fleeting at best. They are a cute couple. They will one day make a superbaby that will mount the world. Assuming Hanekawa doesn’t cockblock Senjougahara.

(If Senjougahara bites it, I am making a connection between Araragi and Daenerys Targaryen. Senjougahara would definitely be Khal Drogo, Araragi imoutos would be Viserys, and, of course, Hanekawa would be Jorah Mormont. Dependable, mentor figure, and secretly pining for.)

“That wasn’t part of the deal. I understand. I’ll do everything you say.”

At first I thought Senjougahara was getting blackmailed. Then I realized there’s only one character whom she is afraid of: Hanekawa. If Nadeko, Mayoi, and Kanbaru were a zealot, stalker, and immortal respectively, Senjougahara would be the colossi. And Hanekawa would be the viking.

I like how Koyomi still calls her “Gahara-san,” and I like how he asks her “Who called?” instead of just checking the history on his phone. Does this mean we’ll finally get Hanekawa next episode? She is the last major character to make an appearance unless Meme comes back. (Somehow, I don’t think Meme is coming back. Meme is not walking through that door, fans. And if you expect him to walk through that door, he’s going to be gray and old.)