predictions for 2003

Categories: life

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I predict–

— that the US will go to war against Iraq. The good nations of Belldandia, Karimaru, L33CH, etc. will go to war against the nationstates.net server for being so damn slow.

— that the Oakland Raiders will win the Super Bowl since they have the highest concentration of Michigan players now that the Giants are eliminated.

— that no one will care about having a camera or mp3 player built into their cell phones. 3G will bomb faster than eX-Driver.

— there will be a big OMG!-related annoucement this year. Most likely, “Kamzu-san, please please please stop e-mailing us. -Sincerely, Fujishima” as a 2 page spread in Afternoon.

— that Porsche and Hummer will enjoy brisk sales to heart surgeons after McDonald’s adds Krispy Kreme to its menu.

— riots will break out in Rochester, NY, and Galveston, TX, when it is revealed that Guilty Gear XX has been censored. Dizzy will now wear a nice wool sweater and baggy MC Hammer-type pants. Faust will be removed for “racially discriminating against people with bags on their heads”. Oh, Guilty Gear XXX will reveal Dizzy to be really Faust’s and Anji’s love child. Yes… you heard me.

— that the new Iron Chef special features Pocky as the main ingredient.

— speaking of Pocky, Onegai Teacher 2 will become the most critically acclaimed anime of the year, surpassing Ghibli’s new fanservice flick, Howl’s Moving Castle.

Metroid gets a movie deal, with Sarah Michelle Gellar in the lead role of Samus Aran. The Rock plays Ridley, anime DVDs are metroids (they suck $), and my toaster inks a deal to be an energy tank.

— that Square will be acquired by Microsoft. Final Fantasy 13 will feature Bill Gates as a summon monster. Weapons will be renamed to OS names, with the wimpiest weapon being MS DOS 2.0 and the strongest being the holy Win XP Advance Datacenter Edition.

— that webcomics will surpass pr0n as the most popular type of website. However, towards the end of the year, pr0n webcomics take the lead. Meganakedtokyo anyone?

— that an airline (most likely United) will lose my luggage before 2004 comes around the corner.

— more people will use DVDs as coffeetable coasters than last year.

— that Pam will use at least two more nicks before the year is out. Most likely some female anime character that she likes at the moment.

— that Will goes to his Motorama tourney and lose in the first round against a bot called “The Quinnetastic Machine”.

— many inches of snow will smother the New England states. Trapped in her house, Steff will turn to playing Yu-Gi-Oh.

— like DivX, Enron returns as the name of a new video codec. <Xerlic> XDCC Server Online. 1 Pack. 1. [AF]_Onegai_Teacher_2-12.enron. For send, use /ctcp Xerlic get awesome_anime #1.

— there will be a resurgence in bowling alleys. I have no reason why.

— shocking revelation in the two new Matrix sequels. Neo is actually a hobbit!

7 Responses to “predictions for 2003”

  1. Wow, that was funny without the use of foul language or childish naming calling. Impressive.

    And it’s good to hear that your toaster is finally getting the roles he so truly deserves.

  2. I always knew Anji would have beautiful children! See! ^^;;; Granted I didn’t think Faust would be involved… >.>;

  3. Faust scares me.. xD Dizzy never would have come from him. Will had better watch out. >B

  4. You’re goin’ down, Quinne! No room for spam in da arena! >D

  5. Dizzy would like pretty kawaii wearing a sweater. Fanart, onegai? ^_^

  6. If Neo is a hobbit… does that mean Gandalf was Morpheus in a former life? Also, would a Metroid movie bomb? Tomb Raider did ok, but I think we all know what a wonders haul of money the now deceased SquarePictures recieved for its last project… I mean first project.

  7. Nice predictions. Actually, I can’t wait to hear of your 2005 predictions. Unfortunately, 2004 is almost halfway done.

    Preparing for the future,
    MRR-1

    PS. Any predictions stating that I’ll make a big comeback on the forums?