I got stuck on Central today while waiting for a six car accident to clear up. During this time, I had a chance to sit back, listen to my iPod, and think about the upcoming war with Iraq in a brand new light. I apologize in advance– war is not fun; it’s deadly serious. There is no reset button.
Why We Fight, in RPG Terms
The objective is never flaky stuff like liberty, freedom, terrorists, or even oil. It is always about rescuing some cute chix0rs. This implies that– right now– Saddam has a strangle hold on Charisma Carpenta, Britney Spears, and the like– what we’re seeing now are just CG replacements until the US military can rescue the real deals from Saddam’s harems.
Dragon Warrior, Final Fantasy 7, 8, Tactics, etc
War is bad because sometimes the cute chix0rs die. Even heroes (and US special ops) fail once in a while.
Final Fantasy 7, Tactics
Cute chix0rs can also be employed by the enemy (under mind control) to attack you using ultra-powerful mechs. Or, as a corrollary, steal her powers through some alien destined to destroy the world in 30,000 years anyways. Nothing is more scary than seeing Britney Spears level tanks in a 60-ton Mad Cat mech. Well, maybe her singing. Or her PS2 game. Egads– Britney’s MechAssault Dance Party!
Final Fantasy 3, Chrono Cross
If not cute chix0rs, it is for some weird floating crystal. Floating crystals are highly rare (like a copy of Suikoden II) so they are points of contention between nations. FF2 is basically the plot line to today’s crisis: red wings = America’s air force; Cecil = Special Ops; old man who gets killed by Cecil = Saddam; weird floating crystal = weird floating crystal.
Final Fantasy 2, Wild Arms 3
Ne, if only it were that easy. If everyone who became a soldier got a girl like Aerith or Rinoa at the end of the war, I’m sure we’d have a lot more soldiers. Plus, getting shot or blown up would be no big deal what with Curaga, Hi-Potions, and Phoenix Downs. Unfortunately, such isn’t life. =(
X is right in alot of ways, ‘cepting that getting blown up would pretty much be the end of you, as Phoenix Downs revive you from faints alone.
However, I’m sure war would be alot different if magic were a common-place attraction- I doubt we’d need high powered guns and missiles if a couple of college students can conjure up shields and shoot fire, lightning, and ice from their fingers. Heck, if we had Guardian Forces/Aeons/Summons, all hell would break loose in a war…but they wouldn’t be nearly as destructive as nukes in most situations.
I can somehow see a lone soldier, standing on a hill overlooking thousands, raising his hands and summoning Bahamut from the sky….