increase your anime blog traffic and improve your sex life
Categories: blog, top ten
15 Comments »
Top Ten Ways to Increase Your Anime Blog Traffic and Improve Your Sex Life
#10. Increase your pagerank by comment spamming random blogs on Blogger. We all hate comment spam, and I have long agonized over how best to deal with it. The best solution? Make it work for you. Find some poor chump with Blogger’s random blog finder, and leave nonsensical comments that link back to your blog. Actually, be really devious and leave comments that praise their blog, like “I really think your cat is cute, and if you like hawt underaged cartoon pr0n, check out my site.”
#9. Find picture of hawt Asian girl, and pretend that’s you. Also put a likes/dislikes section that’s cute, “Likes: Boys into Cluster Edge; Dislikes: Boys into Shakugan no Shana”. Works great, even if you’re forty, white, and male with three kids. Horny sixteen year old guys will leave comments like “Bleach is awesome. You’re cute! Can we cyber?” Why Asian? You’re running an anime blog, and that’s somehow the se-ku-shi-i thing to be. The longer you can string the poor saps into thinking you’ll cosplay as a nekomimi meido, the better. Pro tip: deviantart is a great place to look for pictures. Bonus pro tip: get yourself listed on Hottestblogger.com.
#8. Pr0n.
#7. Be the first to post about an episode, even if it hasn’t aired yet. Because we all know that blogging speed = how well-endowed someone is. Who wants to take time to appreciate an episode and thoughtfully write it up? Just slap down anything and be the first to be listed on all the RSS aggregation services.
#6. Sneak in Tom Cruise common Asian bird flu Google search fantasy football terms. Be sneaky, and your readers will never know.
#5. Start a fight with a well-known anime blogger. Let’s say there’s an anime blog called, “Anime on My Mind Sucks As Much As Naruto.” The name itself would eventually annoy me enough (or provide enough curiosity) for me to link to them and say something like, “Dude, I’m at least 10% less sucky than Naruto,” but they would get what they wanted. People would check them out, even if their blog has nothing to do with AoMM, Naruto, or nekomimi meido. Pro tip: pick a blog more popular than AoMM. Believe me, you’re wasting time thinking that I can help you improve your pagerank.
#4. Comment your own posts. Nothing says “I have a successful blog and a wonderful wang” than having 50 comments for a post about Bleach. When visitors see all those comments, they’ll go, “Wow, this must be a good blog since it has all those comments, and Bleach must be a great show!” The trick? Comment your own entries! Pro tip: login under multiple alias and talk to yourself, “Hey, great blog Jason, and I love Bleach. -Jason2” “Thanks, Jason2! Bleach r0x0rs my b0x0rs too! -Jason” See? Easy, and no one will suspect a thing. Hehehe. Then go be a stallion with your wife/husband/same sex lover/etc.
#3. Blog about how people who download anime are breaking copyright laws. This will make your entry insanely popular. Be sure to flaunt your moral superiority by saying how many DVDs you own, and how you almost got kissed by a girl once in high school. Damn, I’m jealous and pissed and visiting your site already. 50 comments? Easy.
#2. Post misleading headlines and abuse those RSS aggregation services. The old bait and switch. For instance, post headlines like “Mai Otome Spoilers — Shizuru is a GUY!!!” and “Top Ten Ways to Improve Your Sex Life” but really spend 2,000 works talking about Shinn’s sister complex and Gundam Seed Destiny. Pro tip: certain RSS aggregators are based on fixed word searches, so naming posts “Gundam Mai Otome Shakugan Naruto Noein Blood Kamichu Azumanga Jelly Doughnut” will give your post more exposure.
#1. A lot of pr0n.
15 Responses to “increase your anime blog traffic and improve your sex life”
Leave a Reply
Done rules 8,4,2, and 1 already
The undisputed truth right here, folks.
This post is so full of horse dung I don’t know where to begin. I’ve written a lengthy response at http://www.moetry.org/wordpress/?p=650
ha ha ha ha, I LOVED this. And let me tell you… my wang IS INDEED very huge… I’ve been trying to think of ways to work in #6. good call. good call.
This is quite evil.
:}
Link
Put this in your pipe and cough on it.
Dammit, I need to incorporate even more of these hints into my current bloggin regime. I’ve got #9 except I need to start pretending it’s me, right? Do #4, and possibly alot of #1 … Okay I’m lying. Damn, I’ll never be a popular blogger – time to start a feud.
Bonus pro tip: get yourself listed on Hottestblogger.com.
that guy is gonna get sued because of not getting any consent from the girls. There’s a petition to stop that guy. I know coz this thing the talk on my country’s blogsphere..how sad
LOL, you actually must be right, because I catch most of the people with this entry…Link.
Can you guess why? Top 3 of the search words for my blog are “tiny penis”. Damn, I’m such a kind and pretty asian girl that’s likes Brad Pitt *ehem*… Tome Cruise and hopes to get the Bird Flu…
or did I get it wrong ^_~?
Hey, I love your site. Keep up the good work.
:)
How true, i could say some thing generic like, all people are idiots or whooooooooooo..etc.
bleach is good isn’t it?.. i like to think so..
if i did what i wanted to right you shouldn’t be able to tell whether i’m being serious or sarcastic mwuahaha… great except when one actually wants to tell the truth and no one listens..
yeah i know, you hate me.
OMG…man..you just become my god ..i found you blog yesterday and have been reading it..and the thing you write are great.
i should try this too . no one ever visit my blog ..i feel like a dumbass >_
Hey, great blog Jason, and I love traffic.
I can’t believe I barely found this entry now. :D My love for teh Jason is like to the max +5/5 sexing.
Good site! I found in google.com +
lol great site im goin to try them all out thatnks for the info