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May 20 2008

Categories: anime, episodic review, kamen no maid guy
Tagged: kamen no maid guy

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Kukuku. Who else can provide perfect service on Kamen no Maid Guy than the Maid Guy? Definitely not that shitty Jason, and I can absolutely do better than The Clumsy Maid Who Won`t Turn Around.

Kukuku. Maid Guy going first. That is the way it should be. But Maid Guy is very disappointed in Special Life and the even shittier music video for it. All Maid Guy needs are blaring horns and dramatic timpani accompaniment. Or just Maid Guy Orchestra of a Thousand!

Basic meido training is of no challenge to Maid Guy. No task of a being a Maid Guy is hard for me, except for dealing with such a pitiful Master, a pathetic Master’s Little Brother, and Clumsy Meido who thinks she is better than me. This morning, not only did I wake up earlier than her and do all the laundry, I was able to figure out the difference between the materials when hanging them.

Such a trivial task did not need Maid Guy Intellect to figure out. Being the superior Maid Guy, I went and additionally calculated the time it takes the her bra to dry and return to its regular shape. Kukuku. That was still not enough of a challenge for Maid Guy, so I figured out how long it takes for the marks that her bra leaves on her body to disappear.

What a Clumsy Meido. Maid Guy does not need Maid Guy Health Scan to know that she is getting sick. Even Maid Guy knows that one cannot serve Master if one is sick.

Kukuku. “Beautiful goddess.” Master’s Little Brother’s standards are low.

Master is so stupid. If her weight was just over the limit, she should have taken off her clothes and got on the elevator. It’s not like half the world hasn’t seen her breasts or the Fisherman’s penis yet.

From my meido training, I know that Maid Guy has to follow Master’s orders, even if Master is pitiful. I will carry out her will; it will be worth a good laugh. Kukuku.

“Getting Maid Guy to lose weight? You must be kidding. I’ll show you my secret. Special ability: Maid Guy Levitation!”

Kukuku. Maid Guy Levitation is a technique handed down since the ancient Maid Guys. It is such a trivial and insignificant skill for a Maid Guy such as myself.

“Do you think weight matters to Maid Guy? Dumbass Master.”

Maid Guy body has no weight. How do you weigh “awesome”? Kukuku. Dumbass Master.

Looks like the Clumsy Meido tried to pull a fast on Master. But Maid Guy cannot be fooled. All thirty-seven Maid Guy senses are absolute!

Master was upset enough that her eyes sucked in her hair. Shitty animation studio.

The Clumsy Meido needs weapons to defend herself. How pathetic. Maid Guy needs nothing but Maid Guy to defeat any adversary.

“You cannot trick my eyes. Even if you subtract the weight of your weapons, you’re still five pound heavier than a medium-sized meido. According to Maid Guy Scan, you’re weight is… too heavy!”

At least that’s what I wanted to say. But I let her hit me. Master’s Grandfather put her in charge instead of me because he was seduced by her saggy breasts. What a perverted old man. Kukuku.

Kukuku. They should know that one does not lose weight in a sauna. Silly Master does not understand how the human body works.

But as Maid Guy, it is my duty to make sure Master and Skirt Leader are okay. Even though they are in a sauna wearing towels, they are still naked to Maid Guy Vision.

Heh, before you depend on Maid Guy Alchemy, be sure to talk to Maid Guy first. Even if you desired the pills so much, you did not know that when Maid Guy was making that love potion, there was a lot left over, so Maid Guy made them into pills. Maid Guy ran out of bottles, so Maid Guy re-used an old one for metabolism stimulation. Kukuku.

“That extreme splendor might be enough to make me lust for women.”

The proper way to lose weight is to do manly Maid Guy tasks like chopping wood. The proper way to make Maid Guy lust for women is not possible with these two women of such low caliber.

Kukuku. So easily deceived. But now Maid Guy has formulated a sure fire plan for these two pathetic dogs to lose weight. Leave it to Maid Guy’s perfect service.

If Master wishes to ride the raging bull with Master’s Little Brother and cheat on Master’s Girlfriend, it is of no consequence to Maid Guy. Maid Guy will provide perfect service, irregardless how sexually fucked up you are.

On their knees and begging for Maid Guy’s perfect service. I shall deliver. Kukuku.

“Since old times, you would have to claim your own victory.”

“Maid Guy Super Vibrating Claw!”

“Kukuku. My power caused the water in the apple to evaporate. Like the useless sag of flab both of you are carrying on your chest. Think about it! There’s even two of those!”

“Using my claw to compress and evaporate them, you will surely lose a few kilos instantly. It’s up to you to choose how much to compress. Ah, now let me help you lose weight, Flabby Master and Flabby Meido.”

Kukuku. Maid Guy does not mind such shallow wounds. If it helps the Flabby Master and Flabby Meido lose some calories, Maid Guy will provide it as part of my perfect service.

“Are are ya. Honestly, Masters that are always worrying me. You are losing consciousness; you cannot tell the difference between a dream and a reality. Tajke this… special move: Daydreaming Maid Guy Illusion!”

“Sending an image of only the breasts being smaller after losing weight to Master.”

Kukuku. Welcome to absolute flat chest, Master.

“An ugly but happy flat chest. Your breasts shall be compressed!”

“Next is an image of only one getting compressed. Then turning into a male due to failure in weight loss should be interesting. Kukuku. I admit, I’m just fucking with you at this point. Maid Guy Evangelion Attack! The moment you chose to stay at home is the moment you choose to turn into a trap! Just suffer in your nightmares!”

Mmph. What a shitty leader. Can’t even stand a cold. Maid Guy is very disappointed in such a clumsy, flabby, weak meido.

You should be humiliated for being such a weak meido. Can one of Jason’s shitty readers explain to me what does “An energetic meido lying down sick; it’s a common situation in an eroge” means. Even though Maid Guy knows over 5,000 languages including eskimo, mon calamari, and dick vitale, Maid Guy does not know ero-otaku.”

“A meido without a meido outfit is just a normal person. Kukuku. Who would have guessed that you’d end up in this unsightly condition. Besides me, Maid Guy!”

“But don’t worry. There’s always Maid Guy when you’re in trouble. I am a man with a vibrating claw that can be relied on no matter what or when. With an instant effect that heals sickness, Maid Guy Healing Dance!”

“Only if you had an invincible steel body like me. You wouldn’t need to be afraid of any illness. According to Maid Guy Scan, the reason for your illness is because your body is too weak! Why is it so weak? Because you wear wool panties! It’s a crime against your own body. Kukuku. Don’t worry. Maid Guy Loom can create absolute comfort cotton panties for you.”

Kukuku. Even if I am climbing up Mount Fuji, I know what is going on. I do not even need Maid Guy Sight. Instead… Maid Guy Eye of Kilrogg!

Clumsy Meido… enjoy Master’s perfect service.

Seems like even the Clumsy Meido has fallen for Master. It is not of Maid Guy’s business to judge, but, just in case, I will make more love potion when I return.

Maid Guy Anime on Demand! The Flabby Meido could not even do when an eleven year old girl did.

If the Clumsy Meido had a body of steel like Maid Guy, no food or substance is indigestable. Kukuku. Maid Guy can eat any type of substance for nutrition.

If you believe that the Clumsy Meido is 19, you probably believe that she is 35 kg as well. But Maid Guy knows the truth. Even Maid Guy Eye of Kilrogg can see the truth.

Maid Guy has already scaled Mount Fuji twice, ascended Mount McKinley, and climbed Mount Everest and I still cannot find this shitty moss. Currently, Maid Guy is on route to Olympia Mons. Kukuku.

As I have said before, Maid Guy cares not about the sexual deviances of the household. But even the Clumsy Meido should know to hide hers better in front of Master.

“I have returned from Olympia Mons, and I still cannot find this shitty moss. But I am Japan’s– no– the world’s– no– the solar system’s best Maid Guy.”

Such a simple task. Maid Guy’s perfect service surpasses just chopping. Maid Guy will turn those vegetables into a hearty Maid Guy Soup before they even hit the ground.

Kukuku. First Master’s Little Brother with the crab and now this. Maid Guy does not question Master’s fetish with sticking objects into people’s heads.

What a disgraceful sight. Being carried off by Master like that.

“You think your body weight is more important than your Master’s life, but you can’t even take care of your own body. Starting from now on, you have to train hard: mind, body, and spiral energy.”

Kukuku. Another satisfied recipient of Maid Guy’s perfect service.