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Jun 25 2009

Categories: episodic review, melancholy of haruhi suzumiya
Tagged: haruhi suzumiya

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15,498.

Wow, what an epic day. This post was threatened to be derailed by so many things… I mean, tonight, right now, is the NBA draft… quite possibly one of the most delightful days of unintentional comedy for an NBA fan. Can you beat Blake Griffin’s “I’m as excited to go to the Clippers as Kyon is about seeing Itsuki” face? Or the comedy of the Timberwolves taking three point guards with their first three picks? (To be fair, they do plan on trading one soon… though I suspect all three will be gone in four years. I just can’t picture Rubio shoveling snow and hanging around Minnesota girls who wear Viking caps.) Or the NY crowd chanting, “Da-vid Stern! Da-vid Stern!” and he gives them a smug, “Yep, that’s me!” reply. And that’s why I almost got derailed by the NBA draft.

Beyond that, Michael Jackson passed away. In terms of pop culture as well as a distraction to my blogging, I couldn’t think of anything worse/better. I’ve spent an hour chatting with various friends about inane subjects like, “Michael Jackson died, this is officially the oldest moment of my life” and “If there any other pop celebrity dying that could crash CNN’s servers?”

(And, yes, this is the oldest moment of life. Besides realizing that I’ve been writing an anime blog for seven years. And the only other pure celebrity death scenario that we could come up with was Tiger Woods being killed by a white supremacist golfer. The only problem with that one is that Michael Jackson is known worldwide. I can’t say Tiger, as famous as he is, has that kind of draw. Not everyone loves golf, but everyone with a soul loves music… which is just everyone except those on Wall Street.)

Hell, I even changed my Google Talk status to, “Dammit, I knew I shouldn’t have passed up that night’s stay at the Neverland Ranch back in middle school.” Okay, pedophile jokes aside, we went through Jackson’s songs, and, my gosh, Thriller just might not be surpassed. It was bigger to pop music than Evangelion is to anime. And that’s why I almost got derailed by Michael Jackson.

But fear not readers, lurkers, and trolls. The summer anime season is almost upon us, and Haruhi Suzumiya is the season’s Blake Griffin. And while Thriller has Thriller, Beat It, Billie Jean, The Girl Is Mine, and Pretty Young Thing, Kyoto Animation has Fumoffu, Haruhi Suzumiya, Kanon, Lucky Star, Clannad, and K-On!. NBA drafts and weird pop stars be damned. You, my readers, lurkers, and trolls, are getting a Haruhi Suzumiya post tonight.

While it didn’t derail me tonight, Darry is awesome. Oh wait, I mean Data is awesome. I’ve been a big fan of The Next Generation, and I still remember when I first proposed the TNG theory for Higurashi: that they were just constantly rebooting like the classic Cause and Effect episode of TNG. This was what I wrote back in 2006:

Every single time the Enterprise was going to be destroyed, it was because Picard picked Data’s suggestion on how to save the Enterprise over Riker’s. Every single time the mass murderings beings in Hinamizawa, it was because K1 didn’t show enough faith and trust in his nakama. In Star Trek, Data tries different things each reboot to warn the Enterprise in the next reboot what is exactly going on, but fails until his final and simpliest solution. Rika, similarily, is trying to avoid dying, trying to manipulate her surroundings to let her live. Did she finally find her champion in K1 this time around?

The Endless Eight arc of Haruhi Suzumiya is similar to both TNG’s and Higurashi‘s concept it doesn’t end with a mutual destruction. In fact, it ends with a thud with Haruhi listfully retreating after an epic two weeks of high school fun. For people who have read this story, that’s the key to what Kyon has to do. But, still, it’s an enjoyable concept that was used to awesome effect on TNG and bloody effect on Higurashi. With this arc, Kyoto is trying to tell the same story twice, but only different enough to keep the viewer interested. While both two week periods presented so far have been similar, they both have been dissimilar in certain small ways (and especially the completely new wardrobes).

In some small way, it reminds me of the structure used in both Azumanga and K-On! where the girls go through similar ordeals (i.e. Yukari-sensei’s driving and Sawa-chan’s costume raping) that year three feels like year two which feels like year one, only completely different yet completely the same. Sure, maybe Mugi’s vacation home is bigger, but it’s still Yui and Ritsu wanting to re-enact the fourth episode of Uninhabited Planet Survive.

How does this incarnation of Endless Eight compare to the previous one? Does Itsuki and Kyon finally confess their love? Did the Timberwolves really take three point guards in the first round of the NBA draft? Well, let’s get-a-going…

sos brigade awesomeness index

6 pack Kyon… no seriously, why can’t we get a halfway decent fanservice shot of Mikuru or Haruhi when we get a solid 20 seconds of shirtless Kyon exposing his rock hard abs. I honestly couldn’t tell if this was an episode of Haruhi Suzumiya, a Gap jeans ad, or an ad for SF’s Gay Pride Parade. Or all three.

(Last episode, he actually wore a T-shirt and wasn’t moping about. Imouto even looked at Kyon with a, “Wait, is he finally dating one of those pretty onee-chans” face. This reboot, Imouto doesn’t even look at him. It’s almost like she knows. She sees him lounging around like that, and she knows there’s more than meets the eye with her brother’s bromance with that creepy guy.)

Itsuki… looking a lot more built and a lot more evil than I remember, especially in this scene. He could easily be a metrosexual villain of a Final Fantasy game. Hell, I think he could replace Kefka in FFVI as is right now.

Squall… as awesome as Haruhi getting into Kyon’s face, as awesome as Mikuru looks, and as awesome as Haruhi pushing her chest into Kyon’s back might be, I kept thinking that Haruhi’s outfit in this scene looked exactly liked Squall’s from Final Fantasy VIII. Though a genderswapped Squall with a red mini-skirt… forget I brought this up.

WTF… I… I… see next item.

Gayest. Episode. Ever.

(I also noticed that Kyon and Itsuki’s swimwear changed from the long surfer-type style to a normal conventional above knee cut. Out of 15,498 times, would you take the over or under on 10,000 times that Speedos happened? I’d take the under, but I’d think about it first.)

(Leave it to Kyoto to pull out some nice animation, especially with shadows and lighting this episode, to better illuminate all the shirtless Kyon, buff & evil Itsuki, and uncomfortably close shirtless Kyon and Itsuki scenes. With all the Kyon and Itsuki scenes this season, I would say that Kyoto decided to cater to the fangirl crowd now. Not a bad decision, but, well, I want my wet T-shirt Mikuru!)

Wet T-shirt Mikuru… um… did I say “Gayest. Episode. Ever.”? I meant, “Greatest. Episode. Ever.” We desperately need more wet T-shirt Mikuru in our lives.

Frog costume… Haruhi has a different colored lolipop this time, and her outfit isn’t as enjoyable as that 69 one, but when I wondered:

Two, there’s a 50/50 chance that Haruhi is going to take the frog costume home and either (a) spoon it a la Yui with Gitah! (b) dry hump it (c) utilize it the same way I once witnessed in a Haruhi doujinshi (d) all of the above. Okay, seeing her expression of glee… maybe greater than 50/50 chance.

It’s possible that all of these have happened up to 9,000 times. Maybe not in the same time run through.

(And the other 5 job variations? One of them involves bunny girls, a stripper pole, a stack of fives, Clinton Portis, and classified information.)

15,498… for people who are in high school now, what the fuck are you doing? Stop reading this blog, form your SOS Brigade, and get bullied around by a crazed tsundere, get served tea by a meek goddess in a lovely red dress, and have time-warping conversations with the most flaming guy in school. And repeat 15,498 times. With the 15,498th time being shirtless and showing off rock hard abs. Goddamn. What’s wrong with you people?!!!

(15,498… also the number of Mio images in my k-on/mio folder, also the number of e-mails I received asking me to blog something called “Maria+Holic“, also the number of times I heard “great value” in today’s NBA draft, also the number of times Arawn has facepalmed plus the number of times Maria has, also the number of times Mikuru has been costume raped, also the exact number of NEETs needed to save Japan from 60 Tomahawk missiles, also the number of tears cried by a character in an anime produced by Kyoto Animation, and also the number of words in this post. Well, it only feels like 15,498…)

Koi no Mikuru Densetsu… I always liked orchestral arrangements of pop songs, let alone Final Fantasy soundtracks– I own imported copies of Grand Finale, 20020220 (also by Tokyo Philharmonic), Fithos Lusec Wecos Vinosec (quite possibly the greatest FF arrangement ever), Reunion Tracks, and Celtic Moon.) So when I discovered that there’s an orchestral arrangement for every notable Haruhi tune… well… I’m in!

Haruhi Suzumiya no Gensou starts off with a bang with Koi no Mikuru Densetsu, which should really lead every Haruhi property. It would have been a much better OP than Super Driver. It’s aptly arranged, and Mikuru’s theme works well in a classical sense. I’m almost convinced that if Mozart ran into Mikuru in Vienna once upon a time, classical music would be a lot more popular today. The only problem is… the album goes downhill from there. This ain’t no Thriller. Or Bad. (But possibly Dangerous.)

There’s a lot of bgm tracks that I just don’t recognize in their arranged form. They seem okay, except I was disappointed that they didn’t perform any of the actual classical scores from the series. I mean… there was actual classical music. And then I heard a jarring Bouken Desho Desho that was well arranged, but it had Aya Hirano singing. I had the same face that I had when I heard Bobby McFarrin singing “Don’t worry; be happy” with Michael Tilson Thomas conducting in the background. I’m just not sure what to make of it. Aya has excellent range and pitch for an anime songstress… but… maybe an octave or two short for orchestral accompaniment. It could be training, as her voice can get acceptably low (for an Asian female), and she hit a few high ones. While not as awesome as Mikuru’s theme, I enjoyed arranged Bouken Desho Desho.

Then things got weird with Aya accompanying Lost My Music. I’m still trying to process that one. Hare Hare Yukai was enjoyable, and… no singing! I was surprised. I don’t think it was well-arranged, but whatever. I still want Chiaki and Nodame to play this in season three of Nodame Cantabile this fall (and hopefully they won’t use random jpop songs for its OP/ED). The finale is, of course, the heavy hitter: Don’t say “lazy”. Just kidding– God Knows. Really… really… something. I’m almost convinced that I need to see a picture of the actual performance to make up my mind. Is Aya Hirano wearing her “Did you cum twice?” T-shirt? Is she wearing a silky evening gown? Is she wearing a bunny outfit? There’s so much baggage with this song, it’s hard to properly evaluate. Though I still think I’d rather rock out to God Knows on Guitar Hero than listening to the Tokyo Philharmonic perform this while Aya tries her darnedest to warble her voice. Oh well, beggars can’t be choosers. And I need to listen to this again.

(Up next for the Tokyo Philharmonic: Falling Down with special guest Noel Gallagher. And then a very special encore with Britney Spears…)

Cruel Angel’s Thesis… come on, there has to be an orchestral version of this too. Though I enjoyed the Hayate concert as well, if only for all the fanboys turning it up like 50 notches after hearing the first few chords to Cruel Angel’s Thesis after being teased with a bunch of no-name character songs from JC Staff Hayate. (I can’t believe Rie Tanaka wasn’t involved. This is like giving us 2 minutes of Kyon and Itsuki fangirl material without even a whiff of wet T-shirt Mikuru.)

(Still disappointed that one of the activities during these two weeks didn’t involve a wet T-shirt contest.)

“Embarrassment makes her three times cuter!”… no, I’m sorry, 15,498% cuter. Sawa-chan has it right… it’s only fun to costume rape people who get embarrassed by their new getup. Can we please get a spin-off series with Mikuru and Mio, and the two are forced to become runway models for Sawa-chan’s new clothing business? It would be riveting from a moe standpoint, and it would provide steady work for my Fashion Czar.

Ties without collared shirts… looks weird to me. To be honest, I have to clue how to tie a tie properly. My dad tried to teach me how to make a Windsor knot years ago, but I still need to hop on YouTube to kinda make one since I keep forgetting since I only use a tie like once a year. Though seeing Haruhi wearing a tie… it reminded me of Julia Robert’s line in Pretty Woman, “I learned how to tie a tie when I banged the whole debate team.” I wouldn’t rule that out for Haruhi. (Nor would I rule out the Pretty Woman ending for this arc… oh we know it’s about the classified information, but still it’s fun to pretend Kyon riding up in a limo “saving” Haruhi after Haruhi gets sexually assaulted by Mikuru.)

“Your face is too close”… did I mention all the uncomfortable moments between Kyon and Itsuki this episode? It’s almost like Kyon was Blake Griffin, and Itsuki was the LA Clippers.

(I was too busy staring at Mikuru in the back to pay attention to whatever Itsuki had planned for Kyon. Mikuru~~~)

(And when Itsuki proposed that someone whisper, “I love you” to Haruhi, I was thinking it should have been Mikuru. Just because to balance out all the male homoerotic tension, we need some female homoerotic tension.)

Cost cutting… if it weren’t for the fact that Kyoto gave everyone completely new outfits for every day (a glorious feat that just makes the Higurashi crew look even more lazily animated) for both cycles of this story, I’d say Kyoto was cost cutting by having Aya Hirano record one set of lines for two episodes. Everyone else had different lines, expect Haruhi, on this groundhog’s day.

Mikuru’s red dress… she can be the little riding hood to my big bad wolf any day with a dress like that… I’m still facepalming for the lack of (more) pinup shots of yukata Mikuru, wet T-shirt Mikuru, two piece Mikuru, and red dress Mikuru. I feel like we should be protesting in the streets with Kyoto Animation making proclamations that their voting is not rigged, that the election result of more shirtless Kyon over red dress Mikuru will stand, that these protests are caused not by Mikuru’s red dress by interference by Louise and Britain, and that there are no gay people in Iran.

(Oh wait, did I get my current events confused with moe again?)

Sobbing… Kyoto makes sobbing epic. So far, we have sobbing Yuichi, Makoto, Ryou, Kyou, Nagisa, Ushio, Tomoya, Mio, Yui, and Mikuru. I’d love to see a SaiSobbing competition one day.

Booty call… it’s like midnight, and I’m sure Kyon has caller ID. If he sees that the caller ID is from Mikuru, would he be thinking “booty call?” at that point? And that she’s sounding slightly desperate with some sniffles like she just got dumped by Haruhi and wants him to come over? Kyon must be thinking, “BOOTY CALL!” And then… he hears Itsuki’s voice. Isn’t that like the ultimate downer? Isn’t it like a traffic jam when you’re already late? A no-smoking sign on your cigarette break? It’s like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife?

(Needless to say, for the 15,498th time, that song ain’t ’bout no irony.)

New swimsuits… I like Haruhi’s red number, and Mikuru’s two piece is a vast upgrade over what she was wearing last episode. If that one piece were Windows Vista, then this would be Windows 7. Of course, Mio’s two piece would be Snow Leopard.

Yuki’s ass… Yuki! Glad you finally showed up!

I just want to be free… last cycle, Mikuru complained that her yukata was too tight around the chest, and now… they’re running free. I wonder out of 15,498 cycles and 15,496 possible yukatas, I want statistics on how these yukatas fit Mikuru. Charts, graphs, Matlab simulations, everything– we demand to know these results.

(Why did I ever come up with “haruhigam”? Shouldn’t it be “mikurugasm”? I mean, I finally get why Kyon isn’t more into Haruhi… she’s more trouble than she’s worth. Mikuru, on the other hand, is a beacon of moe.)

Raw quality… can we please get a half-decent raw or fansub? I think I rather have a clean 4:3 feed than a horrible, horrible 16:9 one. My HDTV is crying like it’s a haremette in a Kyoto Animation anime.