blog好き

Jul 22 2009

Categories: bakemonogatari, episodic review
Tagged: monogatari

52 Comments »

“If I may suggest, I recommend my waking you up every morning wearing nothing but an apron. Then I can cook you breakfast. Isn’t it a man’s fantasy to watch that from behind?”

This is going to be a long post… let’s paint it red! The first episode was pretty nuts with Hitagi actually stapling Koyomi’s mouth. The second episode topped that with the greatest shower and dressing scene since Xia Yu Lan and Xia Yu Fan. Now… does the third episode bring the heat? Does it get even better? Yes, yes it does.

(Enjoyed Koyomi’s introduction to Mother’s Day. Also enjoyed his “I’m the only person in the world.” Mmm… I like his narration… maybe not as much as Onsakumaru, but still solid.)

Why is it that when I see a bike in the first few minutes of an anime, I start getting a worried look on my face? I get this weird feeling of deja vu, only times like 15,521.

If Hitagi is a crab and Mayoi is a snail (that character design is by no means an accident), what would be the most moe animal spirit association be? I might have to go with the wolf.

“I thought someone left a dead dog here, but it’s just you, Araragi-kun.”

Excellent greeting. Please continue being a wicked tongued messiah.

(I was watching the Tigers vs. the Yankees on Sunday afternoon when Ron Darling started going on about the origins of “noblesse oblige” as Edwin Jackson mowed down the Yankees in the fifth. If he had only went, “Miguel Cabrera, please continue being an OBS messiah,” Ron Darling would have been my new favorite baseball announcer. My current favorite baseball announcer? I don’t have one.)

Koyomi’s a breast man. Good for him, but I suspect that 50% of men are breast men, 30% are ass men, 15% being thigh men, and 5% being men men.

Love Hitagi’s deviant smile. She can verbally abuse me any day. If she and Koyomi settle down for a long conversation, there goes my blogging plans for the week.

Beowulf Lee: Drop your other posts jason! Blog episode 3!

You can thank Kyou and Hitagi for sapping all of my time for writing a thin slicing post this season. (Can partially blame Noel and Rachel as well…)

“Were you fascinated by my charming clothes?”

A+ outfit. Can’t wait for the SOS Brigade girls to cycle through and wear it eventually as well. I like the flirty yet sensible nature of the dress, since it completely underscores the opposite qualities that Hitagi want to convey. We’re only three episodes in, and Hitagi is challenging both Mariya and Sawa-chan for clothing MVP this year. And Saki is only 15,521 places behind them.

Fascinating.

Why couldn’t I have had Hitagi as my sensei when I was learning Japanese? I feel like I could have been the Harry Potter to her Dumbledore.

“Then we can have ‘meido fascination’ or ‘nekomimi fascination’.”

Swiftly approved. I’m firmly on Hitagi’s bandwagon. And don’t even get me started on her ponytail…

(Good to see that Hitagi got her… uh… “weight” back. How’s she doing on her hopes and dreams?)

“I was just surprised because those clothes give a completely different impression than what I saw you in before.”

“It was because I was wearing mellower clothes then.”

“Really?”

I think she meant, “I was wearing less clothes then.” On a related note, Koyomi’s definitely wondering if Hitagi’s still wearing her stationary-imprint underwear.

(Okay, maybe it’s not just Koyomi wondering that. Don’t judge me.)

“I wanted you to see these clothes first.”

She’s so coming on to him, and he’s just too dense to realize it. Though I forgive Koyomi because she did, well, staple his mouth recently. I’d be scared out of my mind that she would staple my Johnny next, but… mmm… she’s worth the risk of that? Right?

2009 has to be the year of the one-up-manship. At the beginning of the year, I thought nothing could top the pure, dripping with evil Mariya. Sure, Mariya might be a trap, but even a man-hater like Kanako was enthralled by Mariya’s moe. Three months later, I thought Mio would be a shoe-in with her gentle, sweet, cool, and costume rapeable demeanor. Just a breathtaking bassist. Now… Hitagi is trying to pencil herself in at the top. Just the quick wit, verbal abuse, and excellent fashion sense makes her yet another paragon of moe. I just wonder what is in store next season that would top Hitagi.

(Ironically, wasn’t Mikuru supposed to be the paragon of moe this season? Seeing Mikuru’s fall from primary moe goddess to supporting actress has been hard on me. I won’t lie about that one.)

“I didn’t want to show you them, Araragi-kun…”

“… I wanted you to see them.”

Awesome dialogue, awesome posturing, and awesome emphasis. I wrote my once-every-other year waifu post last month, and I’m already regretting it. Do I need to edit it to add both Hitagi and Hermione? And who do I need to bump out of the top ten for them?

(I’m not talking about Hermione Ayasaki, FYI.)

(And how do you say “cocktease” in Japanese?)

So far, three minutes and almost one thousand words into this episode, Shaft’s been doing a solid job. I haven’t noticed one Kyoto Animation diss or one Mesousa, yet. But I have noticed small details, like the barely exposed parts of Hitagi’s bra. See, Shaft needs more of the latter and less of the former.

Love the playground setting. Shaft’s doing a commendable job in weaving it into the discussion. This is what they should be doing with their superpowers, and not stuff like sneaking in Initial D references in the second episode of Zan Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei just because Zetsubou-sensei is at a shopping plaza with a tofu shop. Though I feel like I’m watching an episode of Negima with the jungle gym…

So cute. Why are guys in anime so overmatched when a cute girl sits next to them? I think only Kamina was immune (not counting the Itsukis, who wouldn’t have any interest, and the Kogarashis, who procreate via agamogenesis). The thing about this show is that it’s going to be a top tier show or just a really good show depending on Koyomi. We all know Hitagi’s unbelievably awesome. Koyomi needs to deliver– a lot of shows have a great male lead or a great female lead, but not a lot have a great male and female lead. Gurren Lagann had Simon/Kamina with Nia/Yoko. Haruhi 2006 had Kyon and Haruhi. Clannad had Tomoya and Nagisa/Tomoyo/Kyou. I just wonder if Koyomi can at least submit an A- performance to go along with Hitagi’s A+.

Koyomi’s definitely a breast man. Why do I bring this up? Well, it means we can expect more close-ups of Hitagi’s (and other haremette’s) cleavage throughout Ghostory. And Shaft knows cleavage as well as Bugs Bunny knows carrots. This is a good thing.

“I want to thank you in a different way than Oshino-san.”

Well, besides how clear her dialogue is making it sound like Hitagi wants to jump Koyomi, you can tell that this scene has some serious sexual tension in how Koyomi’s ahoge went into a salute position.

Thanks Koyomi for trying to diffuse the situation instead of suggesting something like, “Well, I always wanted to try it on a see-saw.”

“Can I think of you as someone dear?”

Her speech and dialogue surpasses that of a mere tsundere. I feel like “tsundere” and “deretsun” (which she should have become after last episode) are just too cheap to describe her.

I like Koyomi inching away and trying to escape from Hitagi… but Welkin takes the cake in this category. And it’s not like Alicia has tried shooting, stabbing, or stapling Welkin (yet).

(Again, only in anime are twenty ton war machines entrusted with teenaged brats and hawt women scare off their stereotypically loser male targets with their femininity. It’s a major paradigm shift from the real world. Andohbytheway, I like how Zetsubou-sensei pronounced “paradigm” correctly. But I always like to mispronounce it as “pear-a-DIG-em” just to emphasis how meaningless of a word it is.)

Twenty-five screenshots, and barely five minutes into the episode. Shaft really wants me to develop carpel tunnel, don’t they?

“We’ll be able to become friends.”

One, we know that Hitagi’s words never reveal themselves to what we think they reveal themselves. She wanted Koyomi to man up and kiss her there, but he just slithered away. But it’s understandable if Koyomi is a but gun shy if his jaw is still a bit sore and needing a tetanus shot.

Not even Asuka has bent Shinji back like this yet.

Why so serious? I like Koyomi’s “I can’t believe she just wants to be friends– I’m so disappointed!” face. Except, well, she almost cut his mouth to Heth Ledger Joker proportions two episodes ago!

“Perhaps, there’s something else that you would want me to do. Just this once, I’ll do anything.”

Is it a bad thing that I’m thinking of Haruhi Suzumiya instead of ways Hitagi can pay back Koyomi? At least I was thinking, “Mmm… is Hitagi representing Kyoto sitting on top while all the fanboys are running around in circles beneath like chickens with their heads cut off?”)

“Anything at all. Just this once, I’ll fulfill whatever you wish for. Whether it’s world conquest, eternal life, or defeating the Saiyans that are coming to earth.”

Damn, all of those choices sound so lovely. Um, I might have to go with “wear the Sawa-chan Meido Fuku Mark II while singing a set of My Love Is a Stapler, Brush and Ballpoint Pen, and Don’t say ‘lazy’.”

(Don’t argue with me. Hitagi’s Chiwa Saitou’s best role ever, surpassing Becky-sensei and Natsumi Hinata. I will strike down all arguments like how Kyoto or Kadowaka strikes down fanboys begging for the end to Endless Eight.)

“To be honest, it’s easier for me to help with something more personal. It’s simpler.”

She tried to jump him on the bench a minute ago, and now she’s suggesting that he uses his one wish for something “personal”… Koyomi! You dumbass!

(I have nothing else to add.)

I like how they’re playing on the equipment. I just wish that playing in a playground was on the SOS Brigade’s too do list, because I want to see how Mikuru approaches the poles.

“I told you anything is okay. Like saying you want me to end all of my sentences with ‘nyu’ or ‘and a toilet seat cover’ for a week. Or that you want me not to wear underwear to school for a week.”

Best. Dialogue. Ever.

“Or that you want me to wake you up every morning for a week, wearing nothing, but an apron. Or that you want me to help you with colon cleansing. You have plenty of kinks.”

Best. Dialogue. Ever.

So this is how Tomoyo screwed up after Tomoya took the bullet for her. If she showed up every morning with only the nakkid apron, we might have avoided the Nagisa route all together.

(Though, in the game, Tomoya does at least once drag Tomoyo into bed with him suggesting that she is what he wanted for breakfast that morning. I’m pretty sure that wasn’t Tomoyo After either. But I’m not sure if I didn’t make that up in my imagination.)

Mmm… he might be an ass man. I think Bakemonogatari (Ghostory) would just be pushed to another level if Koyomi had Sawa-chan’s personality or at least access to her closet.

(And what are these bikes that they are riding on? I have never seen these at a playground, either in the US or in Tokyo. And aren’t they pretty high up and dangerous for little kids?)

“I’m sorry. I can’t keep it with [your perverted fantasies] or a lifetime.”

I’m more attracted to Hitagi’s dialogue than I am to Hitagi’s melonpan. Is this a problem?

(Ponytail with a little wind behind it… I really need to do a best ponytail ever post.)

My idea for a DVD extra for Ghostory would be a behind the scenes look at how Hitagi dresses for every encounter with Koyomi. Like, I want to know if it took longer for Hitagi to dress up in this outfit or if it took Lance Armstrong longer to bike the 14th stage of the Tour de France. Maybe even do a splitscreen with commentary… “Here’s Lance passing the 112th mile mark, and Hitagi finally put pants on!”

“If I may suggest, I recommend my waking you up every morning wearing nothing but an apron. Then I can cook you breakfast. Isn’t it a man’s fantasy to watch that from behind?”

SOLD!

“If we make that deal, I don’t think we’ll be able to think of each other as just friends after.”

Koyomi… so missed the point. It’s just breakfast! She’s just going to pour some milk and sizzle some bacon and scramble some eggs. Nothing weird there.

I’m imaging what this would be like… Hitagi, in her nakkid apron, spreading butter on toast with a meat cleaver and an “I’m up to no good!” tease of a smile. She might even lick the meat cleaver and give a longing glance with a slight giggle. Then I think of the polar opposite scenario of Mio Akiyama, in her nakkid apron, flustered red as a robin, barely able to hold the frying pan correctly. It’s more unstable than the Tacoma Narrows bridge. She’s just begging for someone to move behind her, reach around her, and place his hands on her trembling hands. She smiles, relieved..

(I need a thirty minute break. Be right back.)

“Okay, nothing sexual. After all, you’re a virgin. Virgin’s aren’t picky, so it’s easy on the other person.”

I’m running out of ways to praise Hitagi’s wit and abuse. It’s the exact opposite problem that I have with Endless Eight.

(Did her eye color change from gray to blue?)

“I’m plenty experienced. I do it all the time.”

I want charts, graphs, everything. I want stats like I would find in an epic nerdfest D&D Cheetos marathon.

Awesome look. If that doesn’t say, “I believe you, for now, but if I find out that you’re lying to me, I’m going to staple your Johnny,” I don’t know what does.

“I’ll correct myself. I have no experience. I’m a virgin. I mean, the only kind of girl who would talk to an unappealing virgin like you, are late-bloomer crazy virgins like me!”

Greatest backhanded insult ever. She’s both hitting on and mowing down Koyomi at the same time. Though my favorite part of that line is the last “crazy virgin” line. That should be a new moe mode: the crazy virgin.

Almost every shot of Hitagi is a tilted shot. Have you ever thought that two people chillin’ in a park would be so enjoyable? This season has a lot of anime with great writing, and I’m not looking at you Tokyo Magnitude 8.0. Not looking at you, either, Umineko.

I like how Hitagi offered to listen to issues, and then told him she couldn’t help him, and then said to tell her anyway just in case she could help. I like how his sisters are “the fire sisters.” I’m looking forward to that arc, though it’s going to be tough to top Kana and Chiaki in terms of dysfunctional and broken sisters.

(At first, I thought Koyomi was saying that his sisters were doing the 5 W’s and the H. My bad. Though not sure how the subject got to this from nakkid apron…)

An honest to goodness perplexed look on Hitagi. I think it’s a “wait, why is he so desperate to change the topic away from me wearing a nakkid apron?” Andohbytheway, it’s episode three, and we haven’t broken 100 fanart for Hitagi on gelbooru yet. By episode three of K-On!, Mio was already past 500. I guess mini-top hats do trump all. Or just because Shaft didn’t do a 90 second long dance number for the ED.

“I’m sorry, but there’s nothing I’m capable of doing about your smallness as a human being.”

Wait, she could grant eternal life, conquer the world, cook breakfast while in a nakkid apron, and stop the Saiyans, but she can’t help Koyomi with his smallness? Doesn’t the nakkid apron help the smallness? Or is it a different kind of smallness?

Ugh, I can’t stand Koyomi when he slips back to the Zetsubou-sensei voice. I’m terrified they’re going to work in the despair sequence (which ended up in Maria+Holic, when it shouldn’t). Bigger question: is giving Excel Saga to JC Staff over Shaft one of the dumbest ideas ever?

I like when they zoom in (complete with the whoosh sound effects) on Hitagi, but, please, let’s not zoom in on her nose hairs, k?

(When they were talking about pulling luck, I thought of Tsukasa and Kagami. Are you looking forward to Lucky Star 2 as much as I am?)

“But little sisters are there to be loved.”

All I want to know is if Koyomi’s sisters are in the Ui Memorial Reliable Imouto All-Stars. That’s all I really care about.

“I didn’t expect you to be a siscon!”

Loved Hitagi’s toonish mischievous face. It’s almost like she laid a trap for Elmer Fudd or something.

“Liking little sisters is a fantasy of guys who don’t have any.”

True dat. Unless they start wearing meido fuku. Everyone has their own preferences; we’re not here to judge, unless you think shiny foreheads are moe. Then you’re just a freak.

I liked Hitagi’s plan to marry someone with a younger sister, kill the waifu, and then marry the younger sister. Wasn’t this what Mel Gibson did in The Patriot? Also: Is Hitagi an only child? Or is she the younger sibling?

(You know the perfect scenario for this in anime? Mio marries Yui, and then Yui meets a tragic end. Out of devotion and wanting to be near the person who was near her dear sister, Ui would then marry Mio.)

In their sequence about Koyomi getting a girlfriend, it felt like a more sinister and much more plotting Haruhi talking with a much more flustered Kyon. And, yes, I want to see her transform. Especially if she goes, “Moe~ moe~ kyun!”

(Just had a moe overload. I’ll be back in fifteen minutes.)

(Hitagi is the biggest tease in anime since Lacus… maybe Mariya, depending on your affections for traps, and Koyomi’s too much of an idiot to realize it. So, basically, Bakemonogatari is like every other anime except for Hitagi’s platinum account with Office Depot.)

“That’s a huge reaction from a small human being. But no matter how small of a human being you are, I’m never going to desert you. I’ll follow along with your smallness of a human being.”

A yandere‘s confession of love is both a thing of beauty and a thing of concern. I just hope Koyomi and Hitagi become like Yuki and Yuno… but Yuno drugging Yuki and raping him next to the clean bones of her dead pseudo-parents… well… that’s a tough, tough bar to cross.

“Or maybe you want a girlfriend.”

“If I said I do… what would you do?”

“You can have one. That’s all.”

Shot down! Cold! Ouch!

(Worse or better… getting shot down by a girl who offered to a continental nakkid breakfast five minutes ago, or getting one’s Johnny stapled?)

“You sure have a large tolerance.”

For pain? For financial bailouts? For pain while clad in leather restraints? For magnitude eight earthquakes? For poor Studio Deen animation? I need details. But I hated how Koyomi just asked for juice… Meme is getting cold, hard cash (which could be used for hookers), Hitagi just offered hima continental nakkid breakfast, and he settles on juice. I just hope she’s bringing him the juice as part of that continental nakkid breakfast.

(I have mentioned how much I’m enjoying writing about this show? It’s much easier to write about this one than… oh… Endless Eight.)

Thanks Shaft for spoiling all the major plot lines in the first three minutes of the first episode. Though doesn’t Mayoi look more like a Pokemon catcher than a lost grade school student? I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s a Pokedex in her backpack. I feel like she should whip out a Pokeball and go, “Jigglypuff, I choose you!”

Kinda scary that Koyomi doesn’t change modes when flirting with Hitagi… yet he changes instantly when he sees a lost little girl. Just because he’s not a siscon, it doesn’t mean he’s not into younger women.

“You better stop. You’re gonna get shot down.”

Ouch. Koyomi goes from mega-pimp to mega-dud faster than…

… Obama’s momentum on health care reform initiative.
… Michael Jackson going from creepy pedophile to beloved pop icon.
… a bottle of liquor left on F. Scott Fitzgerald’s desk.
… The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya 2009.

“Damn, she really has no problems being a bitch.”

Just the way we like ’em!

Great intro. Now I want to learn more, which is exactly what an intro should do. I want to know why Mayoi hates Koyomi. I want to know why Koyomi abandoned his flirtatious pursuits with Hitagi to go hit on a little girl. I want to know if Hitagi is wearing her stationary imprint underwear.

What the– abuse?! First we had someone staple someone in the mouth, and now we have a tweeny boy head smack an elementary school girl? Needless to say, I think odds are better that Minami-ke will end up on Adult Swim before Ghostory.

(Odds that Eden of the East will be showing on Adult Swim within a year? Excellent. But that’s a boring choice. I would much rather see Haruhi Suzumiya 2006 or this show. Both so much better than Squidbillies and Aqua Teen Hunger Force.)

Looks rather painful. I like how the pedobear in her backpack is crying. It’s never a good thing if pedobear is crying.

Mayoi is just as foul-mouthed, mean-spirited, and abusive as Hitagi. Fortunately, I’m used to this kind of treatment from my commenters.

I like Mayoi’s fang. Between that, the red eyes, and the hair, I’d think that she were a vampire. I wonder if all the haremettes in this series are foul-mouthed, mean-spirited, and abusive… and then they would end on the class rep’s arc, and she turns out to be the evolutionary Azu-nyan for the sake of contrast. That would be cool!

Trying to figure out how Mayoi isn’t getting tired (or at least bad posture) from carrying such a large bag. Maybe she’s like Coopa from Druaga. That would be cool!

“I hate you!”

Is Mayoi gunning for a Mayoi-tan DVD special? A pint-sized Mayoi-tan would ride on top of Koyomi’s head eating bread. “You’re getting crumbs in my hair!” “URACHAI! URACHAI! URACHAI! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!” This shit writes itself.

And why is Koyomi so insistent in helping her? He sees something in her that reminds him of his sister? He does realize he’s leaving a perfectly fine (and delicious) yandere high and dry… never a good idea to piss off a yandere!

I enjoyed their fight scene. Especially enjoyed how a 17 year old boy is barely holding his own against a 12 (?) year old girl. And, of course, I enjoyed the emo facial distortion. This show has it all… stationary equipment, a nine minute long dressing scene, an offer of a nakkid apron week, and now the fourth greatest fight between a 17 year old boy and a 12 year old girl ever.

Loved his evil laugh after KO-ing poor Mayoi. Maybe Koyomi and Hitagi are perfect for each other after all.

“Araragi-kun.”

“Please let me explain.” o_o;;

“Dozo.”

Excellent. This is a little better than letting her catch you in bed with another woman, but not that much better. You beat up a little, lost girl! Mr. Burns, Emperor Palpatine, and Oscar the Grouch are all appalled!

“Mmmmmm… okay, I understand the situation.”

Fantastic scene. I especially enjoyed the “Guilty” and “Not Guilty” background because I have no clue what it symbolizes, yet I’m intrigued. This is one of the 25% of the time Shaft being Shaft moments that work. Of course, it helps that Hitagi and her ponytailed self occupies an adequate amount of screen area.

But I think her eyes betray her.

Great scene. Loved Mayoi snapping up and having a personality shift (maybe like a snail leaving her defensive shell). Loved Hitagi jumping back to avoid Koyomi. Loved her “I don’t even want to touch you now. I don’t want to touch anything that you’ve touched.” Ouch.

(I need to wrap this up. Over four thousand words and almost ninety screenshots… extrapolating, episode 15 would be double the length of Deathly Hallows and feature nearly 15,521 screenshots. Carpel tunnel syndrome… here I come! If you want me to continue, leave good comments. Or else I’m tossing my support behind Princess Lover and Needless.)

I just hope not every arc is solved by Koyomi dragging the haremette to Meme so he can perform some weird ritual while she breaks down like Matt Damon in the “It’s not your fault” scene from Good Will Hunting. (Shades of how Tomoya solved everything with sports or physical labor in Clannad.) Wait, what I am saying? That’ll be awesome! You know what would be the greatest possible scenario? If Koyomi meets a girl in the school’s literary club reading a book by the window. He drags this girl, glued to her book, to see Meme… and Meme finally (and almost impossibly) cracks her impenetrable cool exterior, “It’s that damn *beep* idiot’s fault! He should have *beep* her when he had the *beep* chance! I was stuck in that *beep* *beep* *beep* loop for over 600 *beep* years! *beep*”

We need to restore order to the universe. My Love Is a Stapler needs to be the ED to Bakemonogatari. Kimi no Shiranai Monogatari (The Story You Don’t Know) needs to be the ED to Sora no Manimani. (I finally found you, Vega / But where are you, Altair?) If the Ghostory girls performed My Love Is a Stapler as a band for the ED to this show, it would definitely be getting more fan art love. I’m convinced. Especially if they wore nothing but aprons.

Lastly… preview quiz 4tw! I have a question for you… if you had one wish with Hitagi, what would you wish for?