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Jan 07 2012

Categories: episodic review, nisemonogatari
Tagged: monogatari, nisemonogatari

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“Well, I’m just making it sound positive by adding the word ‘courage’ to it.”

“I apologize for this jarring and unexpected development, but it seems like that I have been kidnapped.”

I think people tend to forget Bakemonogatari, Haruhi Suzumiya, and Fate/zero are in the same genre: endless conversations with few punctuations of action. What sets them apart is the commentary. Kyon and Ararararagi are so damn good. They’re like Shaq and Bark– err– I mean Day9 and– err– I mean him.

(I think my prediction is this: Ararararagi got captured by Senjougahara since something happened, and he can’t see light for a few days. Or he goes all sparkly. And, no, I have not read ahead, and I don’t want to know. Thanks for asking though.)

Why does this scene remind me of 24? “WHERE’S MAYOI’S PANTIES! TELL ME! TELL ME NOW!!!”

(Best part of writing about a sequel? I know how to spells the names already! Hitagi Senjougahara! Nadeko Sengoku! Sugura Kanbaru! Mayoi Hachikuji! Tsubasa Hanekawa! Koyomi Ararararagi! Nyan Meme!)

“No. No. And I can’t, threw away the key. I also threw away the antidote.”

Senjougahara being Senjougahara: deviliously cute. She’s the best. I like how that ramune bottle is glowing.

(Worst part of writing about a sequel? If it is as big of a disappointment as Honey and Clover season 2, Mai Otome Zwei, or The Phantom Menace. Or, in Shaft context, Maria+Holic Again.)

“うそ.”

She’s. The. Best.

(I like how she’s wearing normal clothes. Like what a normal girl would wear, which just seems so odd in anime. Skirt that goes beyond the knees? Cute pink cardigan? White scrunchy? Who does she think she is? Nano Shinonome? I find this style more attractive than the umpteenth slutty girl costume in typical harem anime.)

“Float like a butterfly; sting like a butterfly!”

Glad to see Shaft’s animation and Nisio Isin’s wordplay back in action. Though I’m still not forgiving Shaft for cutting out the Full House reference in Bakemonogatari. That was the best line in all of Hitagi Crab, just edging out “Crab is delicious.”

“Take pride in this moment.”

That he apparently got roofied by his girlfriend and is now tied up in an abandoned school? Mmm… at least when Yuki got roofied by Yuno, he got a lot of sexy time out of it. And what is it with anime and getting roofied by your girlfriend? Is this some sort of disturbing meme in the last 2000s early 2010s that we somehow missed?

“I’d prefer to enjoy this conversation with no unnecessary Evangelion references.”

No dice. Though I prefer references to the original series rather than the recent remake movies. Gosh, the appeal of Eva is Shinji being a weakling. I don’t want to see Shinji turn into Simon… we already have a Simon. And I don’t really care for the existentialist mindfuck. Anything that philosophy majors can jizz to, I’m out on. No thank you.

(And, thanks Penguindrum for ruining the show with that ending. The ending was fine in my opinion… until I thought of a million anime bloggers jizzing at their computer going, “Hey! I can write a 2,000 word about existentialism about Penguindrum! It’s like Eva all over again!” I’ll just go back to being a simple rock and roll man.)

“Mmph, I expected a wormlike man like yourself would say that.”

Oh that smile.

“Then give me something to drink.”

Senjougahara would either be the best or the worst grocery model ever. And I’m really hoping that’s some Pepsi Pink in there. So. Damn. Good.

(Sorry, took a break to drink some Pepsi Pink. If I were roofied by my girlfriend and tied up, that’s what I would want to drink.)

That’s just begging to be photoshopped into a cock. Oh Shaft, that’s what you wanted, isn’t it.

Greatest cock tease since Bellfuckingdandy. That “ああっおいしいわ” was excellent. Chiwa Saitou just nails down this role, and I can’t decide if this or Hinata Natsumi is her greatest role.

“What’s with that look of longing?”

Same look any hot blooded male (and non-traditional female) had during the infamous Basic Instinct scene. Which clearly inspired the camera angle, movements, and general situation of this scene. If this ends with Hitagi stabbing Koyomi with an ice pick, I’ll all for it.

“You’re so naughty.”

I like what you did there Shaft. They are way ahead of the curve in visual design. When I saw the “Noise” in Senki Zesshou Symphogear, I was like, “They’re totally ripping off Madoka’s witches! Only they’re doing a Gameloft-quality of ripoff!”

We’re not even three minutes in, and I’m over 700 words already. Need to speed this shit up. I have Pepsi Pink to drink and more terrible anime to watch. (I can’t tell you how happy I was when Recorder to Randoseru turned out to be just three minute shorts. Wait, the whole series about a guy who looks like he’s thirty but going to elementary school? Japan being Japan.)

(Stripper Kanbaru… mmm…)

“But what about when I made out with you? :3”

Oh my gosh, that blush, that :3 face… Shaft, why do you tease us? Scumbag Shaft cuts away during supposed mind-blowing sex during ef, and they cut away from supposed epic make out session in Bakemonogatari. I almost think it’s a limiter Shinbo puts on himself… once he starts animating sex scenes, he won’t be able to stop. It’ll be like a cat drowning in catnip.

“Lick it.”

Yep. Master servant relationship, but we knew that already.

The Shaft patented camera pan. I like when the camera moves in anime… it’s rare when a studio does this, and only Kyoto and Shaft do this technique with any regularity. Real cinematography instead of sitcom-style shots of most anime. Everything is fluid, and one can tell Shaft took their time with this. All the movements, like Bakemonogatari before it, is considered and careful and measured. No wonder they took so damn long on episodes 13, 14, and 15.

“You’re just a pervert who enjoys licking girls’ fingers, right?”
“Senjougahara-san was enjoying herself so much, I thought she’d explode.”

Wait, this isn’t Amagami SS+? (Well, I guess it’s not perverted enough for Amagami.)

“It’s such a wonderful picture, I want to set it as my cell phone wallpaper, Araragi-kun.”

Feels so 2009. Who takes a picture and uses it as their wallpaper anymore? Facebook it! Tweet! Instagram all the things! (Can’t wait for the first great anime to come along and use social media as a plot device… no, I’m not talking about just online chatting like DRRR! but real use of Facebook drama. Fate/zero, that should have been you!)

“If you have no bread to eat, then you can eat cakii.”

Is this like, “If you have no Gundam to watch, then you can rewatch Gundam Seed?” No thank you. And, Sunrise, if you want to re-energize the Gundam franchise, it’s not through the Professor Layton and Flit Asuno. Step one: drive a dump truck full of money up to Gen Urobuchi and hope he gives you a decent script. Step two: design the mecha per faction so they’re distinct a la the beginning of Gundam 00… which eventually morphered into generic Gundams 101 but still. Step three: scrap step one and two and just make a train wreck sequel to Gundam Seed Destiny, which is why you’re bothering with the remaster anyway.

(Cakii is so delicious though. Wish I had some now to go along with this Pepsi Pink.)

Awesome. I love it when lightening happens because some staple Japanese food is eaten. Reminds me of Muteki Kanban Musume.

(The carnival-like music in the background… fantastic. Especially that banjo that kicks in.)

“Don’t worry. I’ll change your diaper. Don’t you know? I love you, Araragi-kun. So much that I could embrace you without hesitation even if you were entirely covered in feces.”

There’s love. Then there’s love. And then there’s LOVE.

(Yuno said the same thing to Yuki, and Yuki still ran away. Sad face.)

Guruguruguru~ I like 二言目 (Futakotome). Simple, elegant, connects with the show. More importantly, she puts up her ponytail. Interestingly enough, 二言目 can refer to the “second topic” or the topic everyone turns to. It could mean it’s a sequel or a secondary topic a la how I’m working Pepsi Pink into this post despite receiving no compensation from Pepsi.

The Ararararagis live in the same style of baushaus, post-modern house that the Kanames live in. I wonder if their house has glass walls for their bathroom as well.

(You know what it is missing? The banana chair from Nadeko’s room. And the awesome harem alarm clock from Highschool DxD, which is the only above average thing about that show.)

I was like, “Did he solve these quadratic equations correctly?” before I realized that the screen image was too small for me to read it properly. I’ll just have to wait patiently for the BD release. Which will probably be Aniplex USA at the cost of $70 per BD. Fuck.

Beeping? Flashback? Hold me. I’m getting Penguindrum flashbacks… child broiler? NOOOOOOOOO!

(I like how Hanekawa is so specific that she’ll make it up to him in two days. She’ll break him out of Senjougahara’s sex dungeon? The only way that’s a reward is if Hanekawa is dressed up like the lusty Argonian meido while doing it.)

Why hello ther– (PSST, she’s in middle school). Nevermind. Carry on.

I like how the Arararagi house is like a mish-mash of Shaft visual elements. The red ladder must have come from Maria+Holic, the furniture from Madoka, and the paintings are just the next episode previews from last season. The entertainment set looks like it’s Besta from Ikea. Who the hell has red ladders in their living room? Even the Artist Formerly Known as Prince thinks that weird.

Like how Shaft is animating Koyomi’s ahoge. I just can’t get over Shaft’s house designs. I just want them to send Shinbo to compete in HGTV Design Star.

I feel like this is as realistic of brother and sister relationship in anime that we’re going to get. I just hoped Tsukihi would burst out in a “Marcia! Marcia! Marcia!” outbreak until I too realized that she’s not a middle sister. Good catch by Araragi on that one. He should know how many sisters he has after all, this ain’t Sister Princess where the dad is such a playboy that he doesn’t know how many daughters he has sired. You know you lived a full life when you have so many daughters, you just don’t care that they want to sleep with your only son.

(I do like Tsukihi’s egg-based hair ornament and her kimono.)

They’re witches!

(OMG Araragi has gotten slick. That move with the remote was 66% as good as Berserker doing a similar move against Gilgamesh.)

Facepalm. Yes. Facepalming at how Araragi completely doesn’t understand how Nadeko just wants him to pollute her womb. And how painfully Araragi has friendzoned poor Nadeko.

More fun if you picture Nadeko’s room full of Araragi pictures, locks of Araragi’s hair, and Araragi’s face on body pillows. Basically, a normal 14 year old girl’s room with Araragi instead of Justin Bieber. Baby~ baby~ baby~ I thought you’ll always be mine~

(What’s with Shaft and minimalist bathrooms? I can only wonder at their home office…)

Shaft doing a seductive fisheye camera pan on Tsukihi. Those thighs… that flowing kimono… those–GAH. Must stop. We’re almost 2,000 words in, and I’m sure you just want to stab your thigh with a fork at this point. So… intermission!

So electrifying. The dripping symbolism is why Shinbo is still chasing Ikuhara. Shinbo’s not at that level yet.

A wild Mayoi appears! Attack? Run? Item? Pokeball?

That smile. Araragi is the pedophile villain that anime needs. You can just see him revving up. Fantastic.

Yes, this exactly. It’s like a troll getting ready to leave a hateful comment, someone linking to this, and every time Newt Gingrich is about to speak.

(I think Araragi– yes, I’m getting carpel tunnel from typing so many r’s and a’s at this point– is doing Ichiro’s pre-bat routine.)

The Usain Bolt of pedophiles. Yes, we’ve already established that Araragi’s secret love is Mayoi, and the ending to Koimonogatari is going to be Senjougahara getting killed by an accident at the end. And then Araragi lives happily ever after with Mayoi with poor Nadeko friendzoned into the planes of oblivion with the rest of the dremora. Cuz this is the only acceptable ending if the writer’s name is “Nisio Isin”… or his real identify: Joss Whedon.

“I’ve missed you…”

To be fair, this is exactly how I looked watching Nisemonogatari. I missed you! I missed you so much! I know I probably shouldn’t, but I’ll cover my HDTV in kisses anyway.

“Stop moving! It makes removing your panties harder!”

He’s covering her with kisses! He’s raping her cheeks with kisses! He’s kissing her bosom! He’s… he’s… a monster! (Or a hero.) The whole Araragi/Mayoi relationship is the creepiest relationship since Valerie Malone slept with her stepdad-to-be right before he was going to marry her mom. Well, I’m sure there’s been creepier relationships, but, hey, I’m over 2,000 words into this post and my brain just turned into tapioca.

(Somewhere, a generation is growing up without having watched To Catch A Predator. There’s going to be kids wondering, “Who the fuck is Chris Hansen?” much to their detriment. He was a warrior. He fought for you like how Aragorn fought for Frodo at Black Gate of Mordor.)

I feel like Sir David Attenborough should be narrating this zoo.

“Searching for new Araragi harem members?”

Shaft knows pictographs. And, yes, one can never have too many haremettes. I am still waiting for a Skyrim mod that lets me have a harem. Also like how Mayoi is implying that Meme is one of Araragi’s haremettes… after all, how did Araragi pay off that debt to him? Mmmm?

Poor Meme… all Araragi lacks in his harem right now is a little sister (which I guess will be taken care of soon) and the boy who could pass for a girl. Like her… him… her him!

Mayoi is referencing an anime that will never be made due to some screw up? And I don’t get the joke? Nooooo! This must be what it feels like for anyone (other than Seth MacFarlane) watching Family Guy. If anyone still watched Family Guy.

“Hai hai, I know about love. The convenience store was selling it. They mark it down half-priced after 8pm.”

I see. I’m going to wait there and pounce on half-priced love once they mark it down…

“Arararararagi da?”

Nodding in approval.

Koyomi x Mayoi banter for the past four minutes. He’s trying to see her panties, and it’s not going well. At least he’s courageous.

(I probably like the Mayoi interaction with Koyomi the least, with Tsubasa a close second. In both cases, Araragi seems to be in the more dominant role, and I think I like it more when he’s getting abused… which Hitagi and Sugura can deliver in spades.)

Pretty much hit my fifty screenshot limit. Araragi’s such a gentlemen and a scholar. He is that dependable guy that everyone counts on… so… yeah, I can see why the all the women-folk are all over him. He’s got that cheesy exterior and sweet interior with a rock solid inner third layer. Mayoi is still the same tease, and Hitagi is an ever bigger one. I do like how all the characters are like we’ve never left them… and I enjoyed our (brief) time with Senjougahara. Probably not as explosive as what people want, but remember, this is a talking franchise. It’s about Araragi, his inner dialogue, his outer dialogue, and how he interacts with others. And with that in mind, I can see we’re off to a great start. Can’t wait to see what else Nisemonogatari has in store for us.