blog好き

Jan 17 2012

Categories: episodic review, nisemonogatari
Tagged: monogatari, nisemonogatari

20 Comments »

“Well, I’m really erotic.”

Tomboy… sidetail… great at hand-to-hand combat… sounds more like a description for a generic well-endowed jrpg heroine who crumbles at her first adversity and needs to be saved by some punky jrpg hero.

(One thing that I’ve been thinking about is how lonely Shaft’s interpretation of the Monogatari franchise is. There’s literally no extraneous characters or people in this world… only people with lines are ever animated, and there’s no one else in this world except the cast. Even in Shaft’s version of Madoka, we see extraneous classmates, but I can’t think of another anime that features such population minimalism. I’m sure that’s going to be analysis point sometime in 2058 when some poor high school student has to write an e-essay about Shaft and Monogatari: population minimalism.)

Loved the peace sign Karen flashes at the end there. Total little Shaft touch that Shaft does well. Sometimes, I wish Shinbo would direct either big budget action movies (Transformers IV! Mission Impossible!) or pr0n. One of those is his manifest destiny… I just don’t know which one.

The camera work and animation are tremendous. Another small Shaft touch? The rabbit in the moon. The stained glass background is the vanilla layering, the moon and sun details are the strawberry creme icing, and the rabbit in the moon is the fresh strawberry on top.

Shaft: animating nakkid 14 year old girls since… uh… 2004? I guess anime isn’t anime unless nakkid 14 year old girls are involved.

“She looks extremely feminine.”

You don’t say. ** ******* *** **** *** **** ****, **** **** ** ***** *** ******** *** *** * *******.

(I wrote and re-wrote the previous paragraph five times, and none of them were fit for publication. So I just typed “*” out randomly, and I’ll let you imagine what I wrote.)

Two improvements to Shaft’s art style: one, there’s no more wall-o-text greeting me. As much as I love writing wall-o-text, I’m not as enthused about pausing a video to read text that are too tiny even for a 50″ LCD. And I doubt Crunchyroll will translate those wall-o-texts. Two, there’s a lot less random Shaft being Shaft live action moments. The original Bakemonogatari had those random black and white women being stapled. I prefer my anime to be only 25% modern art, thank you very much.

Shaft is currently in their own tier for visual design. They got their own flair and style and use it well. They are the Lob City of anime studios.

(Listening to the NFL Network today, I heard someone say that “Eli Manning is the Brett Favre of quarterbacks.” What the fuck does this even mean? Brett Farve is already a quarterback… usually the construction of “___ of ___” implies different categories to be compared a la “Shaft is the Lob City of anime studios.” Also, what does “Brett Favavavare” mean these days? Gritty, gunslinger QB [GB]? Team cancer [Jets, Vikes]? Dude who does a lot of homoerotic jeans commercials?)

(And, yes, I like their movie star poses. I felt like Karen should have had nun-chucks.)

“Because, my dear sisters, you are irredeemable fakes.”

Ooooooooo– fighting words. I like Ararararargi laying a big brother smackdown, and I like the setup foreshadowing for the rest of the season. I also like usage of the series title as an emphasis line. Much better naming than something like Bubblegum Crisis or Girls Bravo that have absolutely no connection to the anime.

Marshmellow Justice follows the Shaft doctrine of OP: sexually suggestive, artistically minimalistic. There’s also an overall bee thing tinged with (phoenix?) flames to symbolize the two sisters. Probably a good example of Shaft foreshadowing is back in 2005, they were way ahead of their time with Pani Poni Dash. A lot of the techniques they used back are still evident now. Consider one of my favorite Shaft OPs, Shoujo Q:

Same minimalistic art style with heavy usage of geometry and symmetry and quick hit interesting visuals (like Mesousa getting split apart). There’s also sexually suggestive imagery. And there’s Becky doing her tongue sticking-out pose that’s used a lot in Monogatari. Pani Poni Dash was one of Shinbo’s first series at Shaft.

What I said about wall-o-text? Yep. Crunchyroll didn’t translate.

And this is how Shaft draws a doorbell speaker. And how they choose to represent it. Maybe it is Shinbo’s manifest destiny to be a curator at NY MOMA. (He’s too good for SF MOMA.)

Flirty yet slutty. Yes!

(Koyomi not recognizing that Nadeko wants to jump his bones like how Wile E. Coyote wants to feast on Roadrunner is probably the least realistic portion of Bakemonogatari. I’m willing to accept weight-altering crabs, but I’m not willing to accept a horny teenaged boy not picking up, “Let’s do it like rabbits do” signals from a cute haremette. Either that or Koyomi is just putting on blinders after making the, “Wait, why did I decide to go out with Senjougahara when I could have waited a week and picked from more haremttes?” face.)

Yeah, that’s kinda the look. Maybe modified with, “Senjougahara would staple my Johnny back into itself if I cheated on her at this point.”

“Sengoku… that’s how you do it at home?”

That :3 face is priceless. Koyomi is walking into a trap, and he’s going to avoid the trap as gracefully as Lydia avoids pressure plates and tripwires. Needless to say, I fully expect Nadeko to put on a full court press.

“Come in, Koyomi-oniichan.”

Wow. Just wow. Cute and tight pink tank top? Check. Frilly and short skirt? Check. Super long stockings that give me an s-class zettai ryouiki? Check. Cute cardigan that makes her seem more modest but really will come off very soon due to “climate” issues? Check.

(This is like watching Sunrise walk into another Code Geass series. No! No! Yes! Yes! No! Yes! No! Yes! YES! OH GOSH YES!)

“There? On the bed?”

Gee, her parents just so happen to be out of the house… and the only seating that she has available is on her bed… mmm… mmm… MMMMMMMM…

(Best part? The closest that shalt not be opened. I wonder what’s inside… the plot for Nadeko’s final story arc? Her dead parents? Secret fish-eye fiber optic recording device capable of 4K resolution?)

(Also like how formal Nadeko is when she refers to her parents. Just a stark contrast between how mature and classes she sounds yet is acting like… well… a Kardashian. Needless to say, this is exactly like Jersey Shore would play out if everyone on Jersey Shore spoke English to each other rather than whatever they speak.)

“You can’t sit anywhere but on the bed…”

I… I… yeah. I’ll just leave it at that.

(Why does Sengoku sound like a poorly informed congressman defending SOPA? “We can’t stop piracy anyway but by blocking the intertubes…” Probably good time to mention that I fully support the anti-SOPA/PIPA efforts, but I have no plans to black out my site. It’s just too small of an audience, and I think most of my readers are already anti-SOPA/PIPA already. I’ll fight it in my own way: writing and calling my representative.)

“This room is kinda hot, isn’t it?”

Woohoo! I won the office pool of “before 5:00” for winning, “When does that cardigan come off?”

“Why don’t you take off your sweatshirt, Koyomi-oniichan.”

Dat ass. Dat camera angle. Dat mad girl-in-heat flirting. Needless to say, let’s just hope Senjougahara doesn’t find out about this.

“Even if you aren’t hot, you still have no choice but to remove your sweatshirt.”

Flawless logic is flawless.

“Koyomi-oniichan, let’s play a King Game.”

I remember how this went for Persona… and… yeah. This is Nisemonogatari‘s version of Ali Larter’s whipped creme seduction scene from Varisty Blues.

(I could not remember the movie “Varsity Blues,” and I couldn’t remember the star’s name except he was also in Dawson’s Creek. So I googled Dawson’s Creek, got Van Der Beek’s name, and then tracked down his imdb for Varisty Blues.” Then I spent five minutes deciding if I want to add Formosa Betrayal to my Netflix queue. Decided against it. I’ve had my Van Der Beek quota for a lifetime.)

“The King’s word is law!”

My subwoofer is doing a great job at reproducing the rumbling from Nadeko’s ovaries.

“I’m fine with either role. Giving the orders and taking them.”

I guess this is the best Nadeko can do, and it’s still pretty damn direct. Koyomi, I don’t know if you’re a genius at dodging or just thickheaded. But I think Nadeko should have done with Lisbeth did in Girl with the Dragon Tattoo: get his pants wet, tell him to change into dry clothes, quickly take off her clothes, and quickly rides him before he can protest/figure out what happened. “Wait, what? Okay… this isn’t that bad…”

(My quickie review of The Girls with the Dragon Tattoo is that Rooney Mara gets topless just as much as Kate Winslet did in The Reader, Daniel Craig looks like he’s three times her age, and the movie is longer than Lord of the Rings Extended Edition. Also, serial killers like to clean their hands with Purell before they commit their atrocities. I wonder if Purell knew what they were getting into with that product placement… I guess it worked…)

Wonder if Shaft actually got permission to use the Game of Life here. I hope they pitched at as “an alternative sexually charged game between a high school student and the 14 year old girl who desperately wants to carry his baby.”

(I like how the waifu peg mysterious disappears from Ararararagi’s minivan later on.)

“What kind of game is Twister? Show me.”

I feel like the gaijin reaction guys should make an appearance here. Too bad they already made a guest appearance on this franchise already. The previous few minutes included a lot of Life and small talk about the Ararararagi sisters. I feel like we’re just killing time between Nadeko sexual advances.

Holy. Shit.

Holy. Fucking. Shit.

“Saved something important for me, as a man.”

Almost cowgirl sex with younger woman, and this is the best Koyomi can come up with? Come on, I much rather have a, “Yep, this is my harem.”

“Primary weapon: accelerator.”

The music. Excellent. And wasn’t there someone with his ability already? His name was Accelerator if memory serves me right. Except I’m not sure what Kanbaru accelerates.

She unlatches her bra by bouncing her melonpan. Kanbaru, you win. Everyone else, game over.

(Greatest scene this episode. Accept no substitutions.)

“I’m already nakkid!”

Only character that hasn’t been nakkid yet… Mayoi. Koyomi should be the new spokesperson for Old Spice. He’s very consistently getting women nakkid.

(╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻! Shaft missed an awesome opportunity… Koyomi should have flipped a table instead of chucking his cell phone. Still, Kanbaru with nakkid basketball… not even that can save the WNBA.

(Sound effect for Kanbaru receiving a bounce pass… excellent. They even used a hardwood reverb.)

It’s a zergling! Everyone, back into the bunker! Post haste!

It’s burrowing! Orbital command– scanner sweep! And let’s get some ravens in the air!

Oh no, we were wrong! It’s actually a dragoon! Make use of me.

(I liked how Karen and Koyomi sparred over having a reputation. Reminded me of this, which I love because it’s on Jazzy Jeff’s VEVO and not Smith’s. “She said, ‘You’re only sixteen, you don’t have a rep yet.'”)

(I also enjoyed the “act more like a girl who’s going through puberty.” Yeah, you should be inviting sketchy boys over when no one is around and play sexually suggestive games with them.)

On a scale of 1 to Outlaw Star, I give this a 1.4.

(Koyomi does a ridiculous triple axel spin jump. Where’s the Spinyomi meme? Or does Spinzaku have a monopoly on them?)

“You shall not pass!”

I need to hurry this post up. Really cutting into my Skyrim Sword time. I could be somewhere collecting useless bugs or nirnroot. And Karen uses so many movie quotes, I fully expect her to mine Ferris Bueller before the series is over.

Looks like an iPhone. Except she has signal.

Drum music? Excellent. Nakkid Kanbaru? Excellent. Nakkid Kanbaru hugging a pillow?

I’ve had dreams like this before, except of books lying everywhere on the floor, they were cute meido lying everywhere on the floor.

Why does Kanbaru look so cat-like? And why does every anime male protagonist, in this situation, just half-ass it? They should either close the damn door and give her some privacy, or they should try to sneak a better peak. Don’t half ass it! Either be a gentleman or go for the full ass. And bewbs.

“I apologize for this.”

As sincere as Rupert Murdock.

“If such an ugly thing satisfies you, you’re free to watch as much as you like.”

I… I… yeah. I’ll just leave it like that. But I will say this is so much better than watching Tousaka-papa walk around with a glass of wine.

“Look long and well; this is who Kanbaru Suruga truly is.”

My fingers are tired from screencapping Nadeko. This is more than they can take. Oh, Nisio Isin, will Koyomi actually make it 30 days without ejaculating thus causing the spurting of a demon queen into our world?

(Wait, that’s a different franchise? I see. So this is what Aquarian is about… kidding. Maybe.)

This is the most romantic wedding proposal ever for an episode of:

A. Nisemonogatari.
B. Hoarders.
C. Read or Die.
D. Red Shoe Diaries.

Poster child for someone needing an eBook reader. How she made it through Christmas without getting a Nook, Kindle, or iPad is beyond me. More importantly, doesn’t bookworm stereotype seem to conflict with her lesbian athlete stereotype? Where does she get the time to read books, stalk Senjougahara, and play basketball and track? I barely have time to eat breakfast and play Skyrim. (Though good news, I finally killed a dragon. One. Only one.)

Holy Daisy Dukes, Batman!

(They’re only A-class slutty and not S-class slutty. S-class would require the shorts be so short that the pocket liners are visible on thigh. Also, in her fortress of books, where does Kanbaru actually put clothes? Even Yoriko Readman has a damn bed and dresser.)

Classic Shaft camera moving up the thighs and over the bosom of a haremette. Well done. I can’t help but feel that Kanbaru’s sexiness went up 10% via a basketball jersey. That might be 20% if she wore a Washington Generals jersey.

(Anyone notice that NBA teams have pretty phallic names? Spurs? Pistons? Heat? Padres? Rockets? Bucks? Jizz?)

“It may be rotten, but I need it.”

Describes all the underaged nakkidness in Monogatari better than any other line in the series.

“All of these look the same…”

Describes all the harem anime in existence better than any other line in the series.

(Oops. Sorry for the name mistake in the previous NBA phallic name item. “Padres” is an MLB team.)

“Knowledge and education are required to properly judge a thing.”

Obviously, this don’t apply to congressmen, sports talk radio hosts, investment bankers, and anime bloggers.

“Maybe you aren’t really a big pervert.”

Loved the damning zoom-in. Such a CSI Miami technique. Only if Koyomi did a, “Maybe you aren’t really… *sunglasses*… a big pervert.” YEAAAAAAAAH!

“Don’t worry. It’ll only hurt at first. It’ll feel good soon.”

Holy. Fucking. Tutturuu. Shit. Kanbaru is a lot more direct than Nadeko.

ZOMG! I’m going crazy here at blog好き HQ. It’s exactly what I expected from Kanbaru’s noble phantasm. Awesome. Koyomi challenges Kanbaru about how perverted she is, she grapples him and then puts up a privacy screen… the question now is if Kanbaru is going to rape Koyomi or anal rape Koyomi. That’s the question.

“You have a pretty nice body yourself. I like these muscles. They feel great to touch!”

Reminds me to check reader mail.

Alice: DID YOU SEE HIS ABS when he did a handstand? I can also see why women-folk are all over him.

My only comment is that both Nadeko and Kanbaru were all over Ararararargi before they saw his abs. I am guessing it’s because he’s the last man on the planet as with Meme leaving the cast, he’s the only male character left. And since there’s no people in this population minimalist world besides the characters, he’s the last man left. He’s like Yorick from Y The Last Man except the women are even more desperate than in that comic series.

cheez-it: Please bring back the “Siesta is love” meme!

I would if JC Staff gives me a reason to. Siesta is like the middle sister in Downton Abbey at this point.

Neriya: Zero no Tsukaima is so happy it appeared in a top 5 list for the first and last time in its life.

Damn, considering I am getting more readers for Fate/zero than Nisemonogatari, I probably should have blogged Zero no Tsukaima instead. Also more readers for Ben-to 1 than Male Nichijou 1. And, yeah, I’m calling it “Male Nichijou” because no one uses “bro” correctly anymore. “Bro” is a guy who works out, plays Call of Duty, has an Xbox 360 headset on even during sex with your mom, thinks political science is a viable career choice, pledges eight different frats, has empty fancy beer bottles on his fireplace mantle, and will definitely, absolutely hit on your girlfriend when you’re not around. No one who cross-dresses unless it’s a frat initialization is a “bro.” The closest we have to a “bro” in anime is this guy.

(And I want to stress it’s basically Nichijou with a male cast and a crappier studio. I like the people who are praising Male Nichijou yet hated Nichijou. It’s like these NFL “purists” who don’t like how Tebow plays because it’s not “football,” except that’s how pretty much all high school and college football, outside of the SEC and PAC12, plays. If every high school had a QB like Tom Brady on it, we wouldn’t have NFL franchises starting TJ Yates in the playoffs. That’s for sure.)

“Stop struggling! It makes it harder to remove your underwear!”

Mayoi! Oh Shaft. Oh Nisio Isin. You guys make it look so easy.

(Odds Koyomi got sexually harassed? Very great. Just how harassed? I don’t know. His pants were expunged from his body. Since, after all, pants are stupid. He was screaming like poor Mayoi and maybe more so. Oral? Hand job? All in play and left to our imagination. Somewhere, Nadeko is crying.)

It’s 2Ï€ of ahoge! I feel like Naisho no Hanashi is the ultimate ED for stoners.

(Alright, 3K words, 50+ images, time for a break. Skyzzzzzzz…)