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Apr 14 2007

Categories: anime, episodic review, nagasarete airantou
Tagged: nagasarete airantou

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The Bachelor: Last Man Standing.

The animation quality feels better than the first episode, and, whew, a sigh of relief. This episode is probably the most nitty-gritty that the plot will feel for, uh, the rest of the series as the girls hold the amazing race to chase down their future husband. Honestly, I still think should have settled it the 21st century method: the girls and Ikuto star in The Bachelor: Last Man Standing.

(I never understood the contestant choices for The Bachelor. They put on princes and quarterbacks who should have no problem finding a wife or an STD. Instead, I think they need to put on more normal people, like Ikuto or a typical AoMM reader. Preferably someone who has won a “YTAMR” distinction. I can only imagine a group date being a back-to-back screening of Escaflowne followed by La Blue Girl.)

Anyway, just like any season of The Bachelor, Nagasarete is unfolding the same way. There’s always the “front-runner,” (or “the girl with the biggest rack” as I like to call her) the girl who the guy gives the first impression rose to… and, yep, Suzu fills that role nicely. Usually this girl ends up spending the most initial time with the bachelor, and they become crazily attached to him and can’t stand sharing him with the other girls. Yep, Suzu.

Then there’s always the crazy drunk girls. They always get hammered, even if the group dates don’t involve alcohol, and become a source of delightful comedy. They are moody and psycho and most likely they have parts of their tattered clothing censored, and the bachelor smartly tends to stay away, unless he’s really horny and the front-runner hasn’t put out yet. Ayane fills this role nicely.

Next up are the crazy biological clock ticking girls. In The Bachelor, they’re the older girls who know that they’re not getting any younger, yet they’re competing with girls who look like Playboy bunnies. So to compensate, they try to act like the ideal woman, only they can’t keep it up, and their craziness eventually shows through. They usually last around until the final four though just because they’re willing to put out in the hot tub. Rin will take up this role, if only for her “If I don’t score with Ikuto, I’m going to have to get a sex change” look.

Another category is alligator blood. These girls aren’t as cute, well-endowed, or lively as the crazy girls or the front-runner, but they keep sticking around. It’s not like they have superior personalities either… I always thought that these girls stuck around longer because they give the bachelor superior head, but the more plausible theory is that the producers at ABC tells the Bachelor to keep them around just to make the other girls look better. You can welcome Chikage to this elite group.

Lastly, there’s just the peloton. In The Bachelor, they go from like 32 girls to 16 in the two hours, so most girls are just dead out of the gate. Just like the other 152 women on the island.

I wasn’t going to question the intelligence of a shipwrecked and isolate community that sends out alll their men on flimsy boats… I mean, wow, our civilization could end if these straw boats don’t hold up in the turbulent waters around our island that prevents us from escaping. That never seemed to cross their mind until it was too late. Anyway, their only hope of rebuilding and continuing with their civilization is to have Ikuto knock-up as many girls as possible. Things aren’t great if they only have one guy, but at least by siring multiple children with multiple girls, they can have some genetic diversity. They could have done what the Amazon Women did in that one episode of Futurama where Fry, Zapp, and Kif get captured by the Amazonians and have to provide “snu-snu” for them.

The Bachelor: Last Man Standing Power Rankings

I’m giving her the top spot this episode because, from a comedic standpoint, she was the standout. I’m not sure what’s more enjoyable… the fact that she has such an inferiority complex concerning Suzu… how everyone seems to treat her as the island weirod… how she spoons the eggplant… or her ratings-increasing breast check on Suzu…

Based on my highly subjective count, Suzu gets felt up four times this episode. Once during Ayane’s breast check, once when Ikuto “score’s the win,” and at the beginning when she’s battling Ayane in her hut. Good times for the whole family.

Still, Suzu turns in a John Rambo impersonation that rivals Sagara’s in Fumuffu‘s art episode. She masterfully takes out her competition. I’d love to see a battle between her and Sagara now… if she can take on a bloodlusted panda, she can take on Bonta-kun.

Naming a pet pig “tonkatsu” is genius on many levels, but I love how it just chills on Ikuto’s head. Shouldn’t pigs weight, uh, a lot to be uncomfortable sitting on one’s head? Besides that, it seems to behave like a parrot more like a pig. All of the flora and fauna of Blue Orchid Island is really screwed up. If you haven’t noticed by now, all the veggies are PS3 huge while all the animals are circular. There’s also going to be talking ninja cats popping up later… I wish I were kidding. At least they’re not turtles.

“Onee-sama!”

Zombie survival horror in my harem comedy anime?!? Since when do those two things go together…

Parting Shot

“Do not want!”

I’m not sure what stings more if I were Ikuto… the fact that I just got rejected as the only guy on the island or the fact that she rejected me with a smile. Still, this scene will be funnier in retrospect once Suzu enters Jealous Suzu mode and starts inflicting pain on Ikuto when he starts flirting with the other girls. My guess is by around four more episodes.