blog好き

Jul 26 2009

Categories: bakemonogatari, episodic review
Tagged: monogatari

36 Comments »

“Because I’m a lost snail.”

How come none of my Japanese language teachers have been as awesome as Hitagi, Meme, Becky-sensei, Negima-sensei, or Zetsubou-sensei? And why do all the awesome teachers all appear in Shaft anime?

(Does this mean that the balance of the universe was disturbed that Shaft wasn’t responsible for Sawa-chan and Onizuka-sensei? And that’s why we’ve been cursed with Endless Eight? Yep… I’m getting the Endless Eight dig out of the way early this time. I promise. Only Sarah Palin jokes from now on out.)

(Quick note, if you guys want to follow along, I’m using gg’s subs.)

Kaerimichi is the best OP this season, just slightly ahead of Katayoku no Tori but light years ahead of Ringo Mogire Beam!. If Shaft took the three Mayoi clones to recreate Needless‘ ED, then that ED with this OP would be the perfect bookends to an anime about Pedobear.

It’s almost like Shaft put more effort into animating this OP than they did the rest of the episode… dudes got their priorities right!

(Now I’m even more disappointed over Staple Stable.)

So the first episode we got epic stapler, the second episode we got epic showering, the third episode we got epic teasing, and now the fourth episode we got epic loli clone OP. If you told me that the next arc would involve a crazed lesbian stalker or the return of Kogarashi, I would believe you. There’s nothing that I won’t believe with respect to Bakemonogatari (Ghostory)… except… well… that Koyomi does take Hitagi up on her nakkid apron offer.

Ponytails are +20 moe. But there’s diminishing returns with more than one.

A melancholy Hitagi Senjougahara is fine too. Kinda funny how the traumatic memory of her almost getting raped by her mom’s cult leader was so painful that she forced it out of herself at significant cost… then she went through painful emotional self-discovery to get those memories back… and now it’s barely a musing to her. She seems more concerned about the attention that Koyomi is paying to Mayoi than she is about waxing nostalgia about her old memories.

(Though I like how Mayoi fears Hitagi. At least it shows Mayoi has some common sense.)

“The PTA is an amazing organization!”

Only if Haruka Minami is the chairwoman, with Hosaka as her husband in tow. And many, many little Kanas as their kids.

(And that scenario… is probably the most far-fetched in anime. I would place it above Lulu showing a real interest in Kallen, above Itsuki not having feelings for Kyon, above anime going mainstream in America, and above Studio Deen capable of animating at an above average level.)

“It seems that way because you’re unlearned and incapable.”

When it comes to words, we’re all just Pigs of Capitalisms to her Krauser.

“I’ll tell you anything!”

Koyomi managed to quiet down Mayoi’s insubordination with a bribe. I wonder if Mayoi, in a past life, was a wolf spirit slash wheat goddess.

(Note to self: Don’t trust Mayoi with state secrets. She would be a terribad agent.)

“You’ve been wasting time on a bench all Sunday! That’s not what a respectable person would do!”

Ouch. Smackdowned by an elementary grade school student.

I liked Mayoi’s misunderstanding of “touring,” but I think I would have liked it more if they didn’t explain the gag. It could also be used in other context… like Kyoto Animation isn’t just torturing us with Endless Eight, they are fifteen thousand five hundred and twenty-fourturing us with Endless Eight!

Well, Hitagi could be using her iPhone’s GPS ability to figure out directions, and Koyomi could have a Meme iPhone App for emergency rituals and cleansings… that should be Apple’s next iPhone app ad: help guide lost elementary school students home with the iPhone 3GS!

(I’m fixated on her ponytail. It’s mesmerizing. I feel like I’m a horse costume away from becoming a disturbing Fumoffu character.)

Mayoi is definitely tsundere for Koyomi, except she can’t show it since she knows she’ll incur Hitagi’s wrath. I’m still puzzled at Koyomi’s charm… Hitagi fell for him because he dragged her to see Meme? Mayoi is falling for him because he beat her up?

They’ve been walking around… yet… I don’t see anyone else or any cars. That’s the real mystery of this series: where in modern, metropolitan Japan can you go without stumbling into another human being all afternoon?

“What animal eats dreams?”

“Kadokawa.”

Admit it. You laughed.

(Mayoi’s and Koyomi’s chatter is definitely inferior to Hitagi’s and Koyomi’s… while not bad and might carry any other anime, Hitagi has ruined my verbal abuse meter for other haremettes. It’s like settling for any other bassist after Mio, just can’t see that happening.)

The beginning of an emo facial distortion! Yet another reason why this series should be ranked as the Best of 2000s. Oh wait, that’s getting ahead of myself, isn’t it? I should at least give it a chance to come up with a sequel that starts making its fans retroactively hate the original (for no good reason), shouldn’t I?

“Nay, Araragi-kun. Seems like we went a little too far. If you want to blame me, go ahead and do it.”

Do a scenario swap. Imagine Hitagi saying that line… except they’re not turning around trying to find Mayoi’s destination. Instead, Hitagi is saying that line while wearing an elaborate leather dominatrix outfit to Koyomi, who is tied up and gagged. Koyomi is bleeding, because of one too many staples… which occured because Hitagi was too into it and didn’t hear the safe word after that fifth staple. And Hitagi would, of course, say that with her trademarkable deadpan voice while Koyomi is screaming in agony.

(If I weren’t a blogger, I think I would be either the world’s worst or the world’s greatest doujinshi writer.)

“Why are you so scared of Senjougahara?”

“I feel like she hates me. It feels like she thinks that I’m in the way, and she wants me to disappear.”

Yet another reason why Hitagi is awesome– she’s pissed that she couldn’t be in a nakkid apron relationship with Koyomi because Koyomi is too much of a nice guy and insists on helping the little kid. Only, what Hitagi doesn’t realize is that Koyomi is actually doing this to avoid the nakkid apron relationship which will eventually turn into the s&m staples relationship (as presented in the previous item). I dunno… Koyomi’s either the world’s dumbest or the world’s smartest harem male lead.

“Do you like kids?”

“I hate them. I’d like it if they all died.”

Well, then.

(Staring at Hitagi’s ponytail, if you swapped Kyon with Koyomi, how would it effect both series? I think it would make Haruhi more interesting as Koyomi has the physical endurance to keep up with Haruhi, and Kyon would just be glad that there’s no Itsuki around. Plus, Kyon likes dem ponytails.)

I wonder if the girl that Hitagi ran into at the department store was Mayoi. Hitagi must have snapped like an Alaskan crab leg at a Vegas buffet then… which would explain why Mayoi is so terrified of her. Even Mikuru isn’t this terrified of Haruhi. (Is there a word to describe when a haremette is terrified yet secretly in love of the lead? Much like Mikuru of Haruhi or Shinobu with Keitaro? Or do we need to come up with one?)

I haven’t seen anyone sweat that much since Rossiu took Arc-Gurren into space and found nothing but Antispirals there.

K.O.

I hope this series is nothing but Koyomi helping more potential haremettes, but with Hitagi demolishing one after another. Maybe one with her verbal abuse. Maybe one with a stapler. Maybe one with her Super Saiyan powers.

“Anyway, Araragi-kun. I think we’ve gone too far again. If you want to blame me, you can keep on blaming me.”

Still more fun if you use my s&m scenario. Especially if Koyomi is keeled over, overflowing with blood, and Hitagi reloading her stapler. My love is a stapler~~ ♪

(The line is different from before… there’s no wasted words Nisio Isin or Hitagi. The sooner Koyomi realizes this, the sooner he can stand up to her.)

She finally breaks out the GPS… and… if you don’t know what happens next, you don’t know your anime. But… how can GPS go out of range? It’s everywhere! And it’s not like they’re indoors or surrounded by skyscrapers.

And that’s a bad job if we’re to believe that’s Hitagi’s fingers… I would expect longer fingernails and even colored with some sort of purple-ish paint. And some sparkles. Come on, Shaft, put some effort into finding an actual female for your Shaft being Shaft moments.

A true expression of surprise from Hitagi! I feel like I just spotted the Loch Ness monster. I just hope we see that expression again when Koyomi shows her his Johnny.

“Because I’m a lost snail.”

Reminds me of Lord Genome. Good times… good times…

This anime needs more mini-skirts. I’m as disappointed as Roy Mustang.

“It doesn’t make me happy that you’re worried about my memory being as poor as yours.”

There’s something attractive about Hitagi on a bike. Maybe because we need new ways to emphasize her legs.

(I swiftly approve.)

Wait, did Koyomi just offer Mayoi ice cream if she came a bit closer to him? And he does this right after Hitagi left? So this is how he swings… I see, I see…

(That smile on his face doesn’t help.)

“No matter how hard I search, I can’t make it there.”

But it’s only her 15,524th attempt! You can’t give up after only 15,524 tries! Niipah!

She looks mesmerized by the hand, almost like the media and Barack Obama.

What makes everyone so eager to draw Koyomi’s blood? And it doesn’t seem like a being cute bite but a real, “I’m hungry, and your fingers look tasty” bite.

But I will say this about Mayoi… she has good teeth. Only in anime will you find an elementary school Japanese girl with perfect teeth– no fillings and no need for braces.

Of course, I enjoy all Mayoi and Koyomi fight scenes. They’re as ridiculous and childish as the WWE.

And did he just cop a feel!? I knew it! He was so cold towards Hitagi because she’s too old for him! This is why he keeps bribing Mayoi with cash and ice cream. I mean… what normal, traditional male could pass up a nakkid apron breakfast?

Hitagi has one ponytail… Mayoi has twin ponytails… does this mean that the third haremette will have three? And does it reset when it gets to six?

(This is the type of insightful commentary that you’ve come to expect from blog好き.)

“No, it’s nothing to laugh about. From the second time on, victory is just hollow.”

I have some player friends who say the same thing… except for a different context.

“… for the second time, he smacked around a little girl until she blacked out.”

Koyomi would be what you call a “heel” in wrestling.

(I liked how the caulk outline replaced Mayoi.)

How we missed you, Horie Yui! It’s not like we see you around in other anime often…

(Loved the beginning of this scene as Koyomi is frantically trying to evaluate if Tsubasa saw him smacking around and groping a little girl.)

I have no clue what this means or imples.

(This is the type of insightful commentary that you’ve come to expect from blog好き.)

“I don’t know everything, but I do know this.”

Why are all the female characters so much smarter than Koyomi? Still, with Tsubasa, I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. There’s no way there could be such a sweet, lovely character in this twisted, child-beating-up anime unless she had a horrible, horrible past. I just hope Tsubasa is the final boss.

Gotta hand it to (no pun intended) Mayoi for carrying around such a large pack. What the fuck is in there? I want to know.

“You’re so cute Mayoi-chan! I want to eat you up!”

If Tsubasa’s backstory involves eating little girls, I’m all for it. But I’d make one slight change… she has to go, “Uguu~! You’re so cute! I’m going to take you home!” instead.

Well, Tsubasa saw everything. I like how she so expertly solved this crisis, got both parties to honestly look inwards and repent, and didn’t think less of Koyomi for beating up and groping a little girl. Tsubasa’s the best. We need her to do more important things than just hang out with Koyomi… maybe solve the Middle East issues… or maybe have her reconcile North and South Korea… or maybe have her be the bassist for an all Bakemonogatari haremette girl band. (Hitagi’s vocals. Just need drums and guitar now.)

Definitely a sinister shot of Tsubasa… it’s almost the same type you see when you hear a student council president say evil things like, “You need to find an adviser to the light music club, or we’re closing it!” or “We’re closing the Literary Club due to lack of members and reclaiming that club room.”

“Man, you can fantasize about those things even better than yaoi fangirls.”

I liked how Tsubasa did the math and figured out that Hitagi and Koyomi were a couple before Koyomi knew. That’s always fun. Also liked how she was puzzled at “yaoi.” Even more fun if you’re thinking of some yaoi fangirl doujinshi artists putting down her pen thinking of the implications of this scene before returning to her doujinshi featuring Meme “curing” Koyomi.

“That sounds like a lie. I’m going to check it out later.”

I wonder if the next time we see Tsubasa, if she’ll become a complete yaoi fangirl fujoshi. I hope not.

If he remembers how he got Hitagi’s phone number… well… that’s something special. You always remember when you get the phone number of your first love. I’m just glad it wasn’t Mayoi. (Or Meme.)

(Even funnier if you picture Koyomi writing in his diary a la Yoichi from Asu no Yoichi, “I got the phone number from a big-breasted girl!” much like how Yoichi wrote, “I talked with a big-breasted girl!” in his diary after meeting Ibuki. Okay, Hitagi doesn’t stack up with Ibuki, but you get my drift.)

Alright, the matter is settled. Meme just gave us the meme for Hitagi: Tsundere-chan. She’s not a mere tsundere, she’s tsundere-chan. No more discussion on this topic, after all, who would be better at doling out meme than Meme?

(Andohbytheway, this is the last shot we’ll see of Meme this episode, despite he talks for like five minutes. SHAFT!!!)

At least be consistent with the cell phone being shown. There’s a great recent article in the NYT about how the Japanese cell phone companies are envious of RIM and Apple for their smartphones. It basically boils down to how no one else in the world wants a Japanese phone, and not even the Japanese anymore. My personal feeling: I’ll take my iPhone’s (or an Android’s or a Pre’s) near infinite customization through software than a phone locked to a single hardware platform. Like, I don’t care about screens that swivel and can pick up TV… I’d much rather be able to Twitter, watch YouTube, and play Tap Tap Revenge. Or, as the article put it, most Japanese “advanced” phones can’t even sync properly to a computer. (Or, at the very least, have easy sync so I can watch Clannad on my iPhone while I’m waiting in line for Harry Potter.)

It’s almost weird in that sense… Japan has been so far ahead of cell phones in terms of hardware that their software is light years behind the US. And now software on the phone is king, which makes the iPhone or G1 or Pre seem so much more advanced than the Japanese phones… not in terms of hardware complexity but in real complexity. Seeing all these non-top tier world phones… it makes it seem like the anime is dated even though it’s brand new. That’s how far the cell phone pear-a-dig-em has shifted.

The whole cell phone thing… it’s Shaft being Shaft. Palatable, but still Shaft being Shaft.

(I want to see what is going on at Meme’s side. Hitagi must be a complete and utter bitch, and I want to see that. Or she might be cute and fluffy… and I want to see that as well!)

“And I don’t admire you sending a girl your age, alone, to the place where a weird guy lives.”

Trust me. This ain’t a problem.

(Breakout… Tetris… sigh. If Koyomi had a cell phone, he could be playing Crystal Defenders, Metal Gear iPhone, or Labyrinth.)

“I won’t do anything! I won’t do anything! Put down the stapler, Tsundere-chan!”

See? Not. A. Problem.

(Is there a greater Japanese word right now than ホッチキス hocchikisu, stapler? It’s relevant to two recent anime, and it’s a fun word to say. Plus, its romanji looks like “hoochie kiss” in English, which is always fun.)

Definitely intrigued as to how Meme plans to solve this, what he told Hitagi, and what Hitagi will tell Koyomi in this game of telephone. Maybe this setup isn’t as riveting as seeing Horo blow up at Lawrence after Lawrence balked at fathering her children, but I’m sure the resolution of Mayoi Snail will be a lot more interesting. I’m hoping. Please. With a staple on top.

For those people who bet on that “Shaft will animate a real ED for Ghostory before or after jason writes his thin slicing post,” you won! Sure, odds were on your side once I started banging out 4,000 word posts on a series not named “Haruhi Suzumiya,” but still.

The setup is eerily similar to Kimi ni, Mune Kyun. from Maria+Holic with the giant in the background as the characters in the foreground scroll from left to right. Sure, it’s done in a freaky cool triangular style rather than an eight-bit style, but the jist of the ED is still close to Maria+Holic. I just wonder if they will change it every episode like what they did for Mariya and friends.

(I just want to know… is that a nakkid, bandaged girl dry humping one of Hitagi’s triangles? While wearing what looks like leg restraints?)

(Ladies and gentlemen, for the final time this post, can we give a final round of applause to… this is the type of insightful commentary that you’ve come to expect from blog好き.)

As much as I enjoy a static image of Hitagi and staplers, Kimi no Shiranai Monogatari needed some decent animation… and it got it. While this is better than the seizure-inducing Tomare… I can’t help but think that we need Mayoi with the two sisters to close this out a la Needless, especially if Koyomi swings that way.

Lastly… preview quiz 4tw! I have a question for you… what did Meme tell Hitagi that Hitagi is reluctant to tell Koyomi?