fun with a funimation press release

“Praying won’t help you.”

So Funimation is further editing Dance in the Vampire Bund, beyond what’s already edited in the broadcast version. “These are scenes which are inappropriate for U.S. viewing and are not essential to the storyline.”

They’re probably censoring the lotion scene from the second episode, which had Akira rubbing lotion over a nakkid Mina, and it was not censored at all in the broadcast version. While I would hardly call that scene non-essential, as it does show early on how easy Mina manipulates Akira, it is strangely not censored… as Mina Prime is censored later on. Surely, it’s more essential than Marina in Gundam 00. Anyway, Funimation, at least be honest with it. Is it really that hard to say, “Look, there’s objectionable loli vampire lotion rubbing that probably won’t fly well in the Deep South. We’re taking it out, but, you can always import the R2s if you want your fill of loli vampire lotion rubbing.”

Of course, the funniest part of the press release was, “Dance in the Vampire Bund is a complex and dark drama cited by press and fans as one of the best anime series out of Japan this season. Its strong story is what brought the series to our attention and why we are bringing it to the U.S.”


DitVB is enjoyable, but I really wouldn’t call it “complex” or “best anime series out of Japan this season” or “strong story.” That’s just mocking the meaning of those words and phrases… even if this season is weak. Apparently, the license fees for Durarara!! were too high. I’d go instead with “Dance in the Vampire Bund is a fun, low calorie loli vampire romp that will tide you over until we license Bakemonogatari and censor the Mayoi groping scenes. While Dance isn’t one of the best anime series ever, the asking price was low enough that we decided to do an US release.” Come on, be honest. That’s all I ask.

7 Responses to “fun with a funimation press release”

  1. The press release was probably written by a professional media relations person. By definition they can’t be honest.

  2. Oh how I wish Bakemonogatari would get licensed. I’d totally eat up those Blu Rays… especially if they kept the commentary tracks and had ’em dubbed (or at least subbed).

  3. Bakemonogatari Blu-ray releases in the US would be the only anime purchase I would make next to the Haruhi DVD releases on my shelf. I keep things simple.

  4. Probably thinking more Iowa specifically than the deep south.

    Anyway, if they absolutely must censor it I hope they do something creative like replacing loli Mina with Mako-cakes.

  5. Oh, American media. When will you learn to let your moral hipocresy and fear of the long arm of the Bible Belt and soccer moms go?

  6. When they can’t go broke from being sued.

  7. On a somewhat related note, I hear the mangaka heard you liked traps….

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