blog好き

May 28 2003

Categories: l33t

6 Comments »

I just about laughed when I heard that the new version of the PS2 would be called the PSX with “X” for “Xtreme”. Ok, since when did “Extreme” become “Xtreme” in the English language? Did all the marketing guys just go… “Wow, we don’t need that E to be there!” and deliver to us peons such a word?

This follows in the footsteps of that XXX movie that is supposed to be about an xtreme sports star being an xtreme secret agent using xtreme tactics. The use of this in gaming probably started with SSX which somehow means “snowboarding xtreme” or wants to at least connotate that. At least in that use, it kinda made sense (abiet redundant sense) in that snowboarding is an xtreme sport. You also did xtreme things in that game so I could see how it would fit.

From then on, the moniker just gets abused. For starters, there’s Dynasty Warriors 3 Xtreme Legends. I’m staring at my case for the game right now… I can’t see how any portion of the game is “xtreme” in any bit, let alone xtremely legendary. From that title, it sounds like, well, Lu Bu, Cao Cao, and the rest of the gang are going to start bungee jumping or rip down mountains on snowboards. The game is just Dynasty Warriors 3 with more of the same… I guess Dynasty Warriors 3 Expansion Pack 1 just doesn’t have the same marketing credibility to it, but at least it is an honest description of the game.

Then there’s DOA Xtreme Beach Volleyball, and there’s even a little CG intro that shows a DOA4 logo being crushed into a DOAX logo. The game maybe features xtremely questionable swimsuit choices, but, let’s face it, volleyball is not an xtreme sport. I guess DOA Beach Slumber Party, since you do spend most of your time accessorizing, trying out swimsuits, and gossiping about men (well, at least about how much of a jerk/pervert Zach is), wouldn’t attract that 18-25 male audience so coveted by marketing types.

So there’s other games like Xtreme Beach Soccer, which is basically a blatant rip-off of the previous game minus the DOA license, Bloody Roar Xtreme, which is kinda like Blood Roar 2 but not named that, Grandia Xtreme, which is only xtreme in how boring the game can be sometimes, and Mega Man Xtreme. Yes, even our favorite blue hero feels the need for xtreme.

So I was thinking of a few xtreme ideas too…

Sister Princess Xtreme Mysteries
Instead of a standard dating game, why not throw the main character into a murder mystery surrounding the sisters? (The maid– Jiiya– did it!) You have to xtremely balance out catching the xtreme thief while avoiding xtreme cries of hidoi from the sisters. The good ending, of course, would feature some xtreme Chikage x Sakuya action.

The Legend of Zelda: Tetra’s Xtreme Tetris
I remember how addicted Tetris was on my Gameboy. Just use the Wind Waker engine, and make an xtreme puzzle game. It would be the first xtreme cel shaded puzzle game.

Xenosaga Xtreme Mechassault
Combining one of my favorite RPGs with one of my favorite 3rd person destroy-them-all games seems to be a mistake. But it’s not– Xenosaga has mech combat already, abiet it’s not xtreme enough. In fact, the A.G.W.S. sucks. Why not turn it into an xtreme Mechassault-type fighter instead? Imagine being able to using the right and left analog sticks as sensible movement/strafe controls instead of whatever the heck Namco was smoking when they designed Xenosaga. Imagine XBOX Live support. Imagine KOS-MOS, Shion, and MOMO being cheerleaders.

Super Mario Xtreme Felony
For years, Mario has been stomping, abusing, and killing millions of innocent turtles and mushrooms. He’s a wanted criminal– so why not play like one in this Grand Theft Auto-type of game? He runs around, car jacks go-carts and goes into a Mario Kart-type of xtreme racing mode, and when he’s on foot, he can stomp, etc. his enemies with xtreme prejudice. In this open-ended game, Mario would have to do xtreme tasks like getting busy with princesses to regain health, drive by fireballing of rival plumbing syndicates, and rescue his brother Luigi from vicious Asian triads.

Guilty Gear Xtreme Jello Wrestling
At least Jello wrestling is kinda an xtreme sport. Who wouldn’t pay $50 to watch Dizzy, I-No, Jam, May, Baiken, Millia, April, and even Bridget get down in a big vat-o-Jello xtreme style? Of course, it would be tag team matches, so there could be dating elements such as buying gifts for potential partners or to keep your current partner happy. Just remember that Millia likes hair care products, and I-No covets guitars. Johnny would be the perfect xtreme host for such an xtreme tournament.

(The word “xtreme” has been used an xtremely tiring 45 times in this post.)