top ten signs a new show sucks

With the new season in full force and everyone trying to sort out the trash from the treasures, I have a few ways to thin slice if an anime is going to suck or not.

Top Ten Signs A New Show Sucks

10. “Symmetrical docking” is used but refers to things not 36DD.

9. All the female character designs look so anorexic that they make Calista Flockhart look fat.

8. Title starts with the following kana: “あ,” “ま,” “え,” “な,” “い,” “で,” and ends with an “よっ”.

7. First episode looks like it’s filmed on a Handycam and features nonsensical plot and a jackass for a narrator. Complete and utter disaster save for the hawt male lead who always has a smirk on his face.

6. Angsty ツンデレ magical girl-next-door vampire piloting giant mecha that surfs while fighting over typical harem loser male who moonlights as a shinigami ninja hax0r pirate.

5. Horie Yui, Maaya Sakamoto, Aya Hirano, and Megumi Hayashibara are in the anime, but Kanako Sakai sings the OP. And Mariah Carey sings the ED.

4. Somehow, during the h-game to anime translation, the threesome with the ツンデレ brunette mage and the frigid blonde swordswoman turned into a threesome with twincest male archery experts.

3. Mitsuo Iwata is the seiyuu for lead male character desu da.

2. “Planning by Gainax. Produced by Sunrise. Co-produced by Gonzo. Animation by Studio Deen. Music by John Tesh.”

1. Complete and utter lack of bisexual twincest nekomimi meido.

27 Responses to “top ten signs a new show sucks”

  1. Now, why does #7 sound reeeaally familiar….

  2. Someone forgot to put in a rant involving “XEBEC”, “Akamatsu manga” and “firing the whole production team not once, but twice”.

  3. #2 sent a chill down my spine

    #7 Makes me wonder if female otaku can find things moe

  4. Now now. At least they aren’t doing another Tenchi spinoff, or a Samuel Jackson anime, or Gonzo making a show out of Romeo and Juliet.

    Oh… wait…

    Well… at the absolute very least… M.O.E. hasn’t… uh… blessed the world of anime with its talents for a couple years now. That’s something to be thankful for if nothing else.

  5. Fortman: hmm could it be that’s because it’s referring to the Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi?Or is it just my imagination…

  6. And Jace… you really need to start adding ‘female’ to your “bisexual twincest nekomimi meido” fantasies… because I think between Inukami and Ouran, my images of nekomimi maids are tainted forever. *shudder*

  7. This is obsviously not a list of things that make “sucky anime”, but makes mr admin horny.

  8. I think we all felt that way on number 7… until we saw episode 2.

  9. Let’s not forget:
    11. Within the first 10 minutes, the main character is refered to as doing something “beyond normal human ability!”

  10. ..) You found the OP more entertaining than the actual episode itself.

  11. To me, if I don’t like the OP, I’m not watching the series. So you can’t really have a sucky OP either.

  12. >>>5. Horie Yui, Maaya Sakamoto, Aya Hirano, and Megumi Hayashibara are in the anime, but Kanako Sakai sings the OP. And Mariah Carey sings the ED.

    … What the hell?

    I mean, Duran Duran singing the OP for Speed Grapher seems to fit, but Mariah Carey?

    >>>Someone forgot to put in a rant involving “XEBEC”, “Akamatsu manga” and “firing the whole production team not once, but twice”.

    Speaking of which, I just saw the first episode. I thought I was watching Moonphase at the end until I realized Elfriede wasn’t wearing her glasses. o_O

  13. Number 7 definitely refers to Haruhi… Which is strange, since I don’t really recall any recent series copying what KyoAni did with Asahina Mikuru no Bouken 00. ^^

    Of course, we were all deliciously surprised when we saw the second episode, noh?

  14. No one mentioned that it’s also extremly unsettling when a cross-dressing male lead is voiced by Horie Yui? (*cough*乙女はお姉さまに恋してる*cough*)

  15. after first ep, i already forgot the lead in 乙女はお姉さまに恋してる is a male… it’s Strawberry Panic all over again!

  16. >>No one mentioned that it’s also extremly unsettling when a cross-dressing male lead is voiced by Horie Yui? (*cough*乙女はお姉さまに恋してる*cough*)

    …AND she is voicing Ayu on the same season. That’s wrong on so many levels.

  17. Color me strange, but I was ROTFLMAO on Ep.00 of Melancholy. Took me about two minutes to get it, and then I couldn’t stop laughing at all the obvious and boneheaded mistakes. When Kyon’s sarcasm and jealousy kicked into high gear, I had to stop the player a couple of times.

  18. I’m going to presume #7 means that “Asahina Mikuru no Bouken,” *not* Haruhi, was destined to suck. Because frankly, that first episode is what hooked me on the series. :D

    Okay, it was really the look on Kyon’s face at the end of the episode that clinched it.

  19. “Well… at the absolute very least… M.O.E. hasn’t… uh… blessed the world of anime with its talents for a couple years now. That’s something to be thankful for if nothing else.”

    …well…I found their Ultimate Girls to be pretty amusing in all it’s over the top/implying something-ness…xD;
    …too bad I haven’t got ahold of a good version of the last ep of that show :

  20. >>Crusader

    Yes, female otaku can find things moe. I guess it just matters whether they are even aware of the term…

    And thank god the things I find moe is the opposite of what FYG would find moe… I agree with jason on the (female) bisexual twincest nekomimi meido.

    Kanon will deffinately be the #1 fall show for me if Mai and Sayuri get some close developement, and uguu is this seasons moe kuchiguse.

  21. Well, that’s all YOUR opinion. As for me:

    The obvious reason why shows WILL fail is simply because they’re based on h-games. Logic dictates that h-games should be turned into h-anime. Not the garbage you have here.

    (Although I managed to squeeze in 4-5 series into my busy schedule…)

  22. 12. Your main villain has a butterfly fixation, your main protagonists are a couple of annoying teens, and there’s no Brock Samson.

  23. >>>#7 Makes me wonder if female otaku can find things moe

    There’s always the gyaku (reverse) harem…

  24. Jason, ya know what new show does not suck? Red garden. You need to blog it. Where Higurashi failed, it improved.

  25. I could handle about five minutes of Red Garden and then cut it off, to go watch The Third. I can’t think of ANY animé I have ever seen with less attractive women than Red Garden. Dear God, they all look like anorexic fashion models with bad hairdos, stretched necks, and over-collagened lips. And the beginning was just too confusing, what with women being taken out of this car, put in that car, stuck in a bed, attacked by business-suited ninjas in a car…puking girl, fainting girl…WTF? Murder mysteries and conspiricies aren’t my bag anyway.

  26. I can’t believe the number of people who took this post seriously. The “hawt male lead” should have given it away– if I were serious, I’d say the “hawt melonpanriffic combat waitress.” The John Tesh reference should have been a dead givaway as well. Oh, well, live and learn.

    Anyway, I still have my review for Mikuru-run 00 up:

    http://derailedbydarry.com/arc.....04/08/693/

    As well as the thin slice where I ranked it first:

    http://derailedbydarry.com/arc.....04/22/717/

  27. What’s this about the episode 00 of Haruhi being bad? It’s so pathetic and satirical that i couldn’t help but want to watch more of the series. Imagine my sadness when episode two did not set the stage for an anime about making student films that make fun of anime.

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