clannad bedtime stories

I’ve been marveling at Clannad‘s complete transformation from harem bishoujo game to chick flick. All the humor… all the moe… all the Sunohara… replaced with emotions, life, and non-blonde Sunohara fraud. My gosh, what happened? I did say I am writing a non-sad Clannad post like two months ago– and let’s walk back to those pristine harem days.

(Let’s file this post under “this post will definitely come back to haunt me while I’m awaiting judgment at the pearly gates.”)


The jist of this post is that After Story had a perfectly valid excuse to sneak in a sex scene, but no, they skipped the details of Nagisa’s and Tomoya’s wedding night (which probably had a lot more crying than what was shown, but whatever). But what if Tomoya didn’t pick Nagisa? What if something more exciting than holding hands while lying side-by-side happened? What if it did go on the bed, on the floor, on a towel by the door?

Tomoyo’s potential is the easiest to evaluate since she’s the only original character who does have, uh, sex scenes in the Clannad universe. The dichotomy of After Story and Tomoyo After is just as tremendous as Darko and Dwayne Wade (poor Tomoya is Joe Dumars passing up Wade/Carmelo/Bosh for Darko in this analogy). And Tomoya would most definitely not have to wait for the wedding night… he’ll definitely take lunch breaks to find Tomoyo at school. Oh wait, is that a plot point I’m giving away?

Oh well, Tomoyo receives high marks for being adorable, suggestive, accommodating, sweet, and adventurous. Who didn’t enjoy the “Wait… we’re doing it?! We’re definitely doing it!!!” scene? She also gets bonus points for being such an athlete– it’s not just the flexibility that impresses, it’s the endurance as well as burst potential. Just be sure to stretch beforehand and have some Bengay ready afterwards.

(Oddly enough, thinking of all the characters in Clannad Tomoya could try to sell a threesome with to Tomoyo, the logical answer would have to be Sunohara right? It’ll be easier to convince Tomoyo to go along with Sunohara than Kyou or Kotomi-chan or Misao or Takafumi probably. She went along with Tomoya’s other Sunohara-related requests… my gosh, this is highly disturbing and depressing.)


By the book.


Thank you thank you, I just flew in and, man, my arms are tired. I’ll be here all week.

I envision the typical tsundere cycle with Kyou. She’ll be abrasive, unwilling, and argumentative at first, but it wouldn’t take long to wear out her defenses and melt her icy exterior. It’s just a question of how many licks does it take to get to the center of the Tootsie Pop. Though there is a danger with Kyou (besides being sore and slightly bruised)… let’s say, for instance, one had a similar hobby as Kuze on ef and wanted to dress Kyou up as a meido. She’d definitely do it, but later on, she’ll probably want to dress one up as a meido for her own amusement. Though I can also picture my readers reading that last sentence thinking, “Wait, how’s that a bad thing?” Yep… these are my readers.


If you think this paragraph is yet another excuse to slam the choice of Nagisa as the end girl at the expense of Tomoyo, Kyou, et al, you are wrong. We already know what happens with Nagisa. This is a paragraph about ice cream. Some people enjoy chocolate ice cream. Others Cherry Garcia. Others smothered with copious amounts of frothy whipped cream and sprinkles. But there are still some people, blessed with all the choices in the rainbow, who still enjoy their vanilla ice cream.


If Akio ever died or ever left Sanae, she would immediately blow all the other cougars out of the forest. It’ll be like when Tiger first went pro, and no one could match up with him for the first three years as he smacked 400 yard drives. Anyway, I can’t decide if she’d approach hitting it in the sack like she approaches bread: has all the ingredients and love to be fantastic, but isn’t due to her unique tastes (translation: she might have a weird belly-button sucking fetish that grosses out people who aren’t my readers). Or she could bring the thunder. Or she could be vanilla ice cream. I’m almost rooting for her to poison Akio like the aunt from Twenty Faces… omfg… that explains the bread! And Akiko’s jam-mu! That’s why Nayuki has no dad around.

(Writing that last paragraph was both fun, awkward, unsettling, disturbing, troublesome, complex, and ponderous at the same time. Let’s just move on.)


The possibility of Tomoya remarrying… and picking Fuko… is just so slightly real enough that I felt queasy for a second there. I don’t even know how this would go down… would starfish be involved? I mean… and I thought that last paragraph was hard enough to write.


I would say odds are fantastic that after some heavy petting with Tomoya, Ryou would make up any lame excuse and sneak out thus leading to the following phone call:

Ryou: “Onee-chan! You need to help me! I don’t know what to do… I’m so scared… help…” *sob*

Kyou: “Don’t worry, Onee-chan will take care of this. I’ll be there in ten minutes.”

*shakes head at the non-negotiable Nagisa ending*

(I could also imagine Kyou being so worked up and anxious that in her rush to save Ryou, she trips over Botan and suffers a mild injury. There’s many ways in which this scenario could do down that I’m giddy thinking about it.)


I’d imagine any bedtime scenario with Kotomi-chan to go like this: first, she’ll be all happy and flirty, and then you’ll propose an activity to her. She’ll suddenly become coy and shy, and she’ll start accusing you of bullying her. Fantastic; that’s where you want her. And if you be a little bit assertive, you will be– err– come out on top. The magic moment is when she stops accusing you of bullying her (though at this point, it’s a playful bullying), and she starts bullying you. Enjoy your life in Soviet Russia. And sweet dreams.

(Of course, with Kotomi-chan, you will never, ever hear an alarm clock in the morning. She will definitely wake you up by serenading you with her violin at like 6am.)

28 Responses to “clannad bedtime stories”

  1. -_-

  2. Dericious post is just so dericious.

  3. …is Nagisa wearing a baseball cap with no bill?
    (looks like Tomoyo is about to make sure she’s Tomoya’s pick by a process of elimination)

  4. @ GHR: no she’s just wearing a hat with a brown brim the wrong way. When ever I see people doing this in real life I say “fucking wiggers don’t know how to wear hats!” and then my friends want to leave in a hurry for some reason.

    (Of course, with Kotomi-chan, you will never, ever hear an alarm clock in the morning. She will definitely wake you up by serenading you with her violin at like 6am.)

    on the upside she can afford to hire a sign language coach after you’ve gone deaf. It’s a fair trade off for having an epic moe blob as a wifu.

  5. This post has more suggestive euphamisms than Kanako has nosebleeds.

  6. Nagisa and Ice cream?! What the fuc…..Ohhhhhh! I get it. Clever move there. After all to speak ill of Nagisa would evoke the wrath of fanatics far more sinister than your gender bending loving legion could believe from my experience.

    You also have to provide a HQ pic of the opening pic. Stop teasing us.

  7. After staring at the pic for an hour and a half, it turns out Nagisa’s cap does have a bill. I was just to colorblinded by all the light pink to distinguish it from her hair.

    And what, no harem ending?

  8. It’ll be like when Tiger first went pro

    Wow, when I first read that sentence I thought of Aisaka,
    shows how much I pay attention to sports compared to anime.

    Either way,
    interesting post.

  9. I wish I could find the episode where Sanae has a jar of jam that was “sent to her by a friend.” Or am I just imagining that?

  10. Nagisa brings te jam (and bread) with her on one of her and Tomoya’s outings. Everyone eats it except Nagisa, Tomoya, and the girl who’s name has suddenly slipped my mind.

    Of course with Kotomi-chan you can perform certain rituals involving “frog sweet” and having her apply it to your full body via her full body to heal you…or do it to her and get some rather interesting squeals out of her as you “bully” her. Or does that require her and a second girl? Or is that too Kanokon?

  11. The choice is obvious, Tomoyo or Kyou. Picking anyone else is fail. BTW love the kimmel reference.

  12. That hat is doing Nagisa no favours.

    >>I envision the typical tsundere cycle with Kyou. She’ll be abrasive, unwilling, and argumentative at first, but it wouldn’t take long to wear out her defenses and melt her icy exterior.

    And by “her defences” you mean her working out how to justify it to Ryou. I was sad when one of Kyou-sensei’s first lines in After Story wasn’t “Ya know, there’s a gym storage room here too”…

    >> The possibility of Tomoya remarrying… and picking Fuko

    No. Stop. There are some lines that even the broken shouldn’t cross. The only thing that could be more horrible would be something involving Ayu.

    >>Wonderduck: I wish I could find the episode where Sanae has a jar of jam that was “sent to her by a friend.”

    After Story 8. Fantastic scene.

  13. Poor Yukine, being forgotten in the wake of After Story. I imagine that any sex scene involving her would result in a rice pilaf. Tasty.

  14. this post got me thinking jason should just quit blogging for a while to write up some erotica fanfics. i’m pretty sure the readers would ecstatic to have the chance to read some QUALITY R rated fanfics before bedtime… or work. It’s been years since i last read smutty stories bout my favorite multicolored-hair leading ladies.

  15. One doesn’t sex up a mob boss lightly. Her thugs are always likely to be around and would just assume to beat you up than let you sleep with her.

    And a Nagisa is fine too. While I like chocolate or chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream, vanilla is fine…though I think of Nagisa more a French Vanilla than just plain. Plus she might actually be Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Ice Cream, since that is mostly vanilla but with just the right things added into it to make it good.

  16. I enjoy Kyou and Tomoyo… but for some reason. Ryou is my “go to girl”

    If you play the game, and I know Jason has, Ryou is a “bad ending” but oddly enough, I enjoy her ending more than most of the other girls. I just love how hard she tries despite being so embarressed.

  17. Oh there would be a starfish with Fuko…Chocolate starfish…

  18. “But there are still some people, blessed with all the choices in the rainbow, who still enjoy their vanilla ice cream.”
    Yesssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss, vanilla!!!!! Nice creamy vanilla dribbling down Tomoyo’s cheek onto Kyou’s….

    щ(゚Д゚щ) Why KyoAni, why?!?!?!

  19. Dear Nagisa,

    Your hat is the correct size. I appreciate this more than you could ever imagine. Please ship this hat immediately to Mio Akiyama in the **** prefecture.

    On second thought, buy a hat twice the size of your current hat, and ship that one to Mio Akiyama.

    Enclosed are the funds necessary to process this request. I’ve also sent a postage-paid shipping box into which you can place your mother’s “Akiko’s Special Jam Special Bread.” If the internet insists on ruining “meido” for me, then I insist on ruining “melonpan” for it.


  20. I want my life to be in Soviet Russia with the Clannad girls
    I mean
    What more could one ask for?

  21. @Wonderduck
    After Story ep 8

  22. “(Let’s file this post under “this post will definitely come back to haunt me while I’m awaiting judgment at the pearly gates.”)”

    I’m imagining Jason in the “Inside the Actors Studio” being ask “If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?”
    and the answer would be: “I love vanilla ice-cream”

  23. > “By the book.”
    Which is fine too if that book is called kama sutra?

    According to my John Carpenter theory what happens at the end of After Story is, Tomoya loses it and goes off the deep end. He concocts a fantastic story about traveling in time and alternate worlds by mashing together stories he’s heard from other people. While inside his head he is living the perfect life with his resurrected wife and daughter, in the real world he’s a drooling, chuckling wreck in the corner of a padded cell.

    Ummm…. right, I’ll get my coat.

  24. Thanks for filling in the Kotomi arc. Now I can go to bed.

  25. THANK YOU, everybody! My sanity is… well, not saved, but you know what I mean.

  26. This post….

    This is the greatest post I have ever read.


  27. D’oh. I think I have to be the one to admit, I did in fact think “What’s bad about that?” before reading the next sentence…

    I guess there’s no more recovery.

  28. Clannad After Story made me want to slit my wrists or something when I watched it. Yet, watch it all I did. Every agonizing second. Yay. At least it wasn’t as.. as… *insert adjective/verb here of choice. Just not a nice one.* whatever as the Movie.. ugh. But longer, which may make it worse. “Good” ending or not.

    Nice uplifting review =)

    I did somewhat enjoy the extra episode alternative girl, they should have done one per alternative girl in my opinion. And I agree. What happened to all the sex? They almost didn’t want to even imply that anyone had sex! I recall the episode when Nagisa was pregnant and they told her parents, up until then I wasn’t even sure they WERE doing the dirty! Hmm… I need to watch the series again and assume they have been doing it since like.. theater club, and hunt for inuendo, ne?

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