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Feb 11 2010

Categories: episodic review, katanagatari
Tagged: katanagatari

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“You’re allowed to lick. Actually, go ahead and lick me to remember my taste.”

(HOLY. FUCKING. SHIT.)

There was something disturbing over how Togame is “training” Shichika by having him lick and suck on her hair. They’ve been doing this for a month?! Even Nia and Simon would tire of it after a few days. I actually found this scene to be more disturbing than a randomly accelerating Toyota hybrid. Maybe Nishio Ishin intended it to be sexual, only it was just creepy… I just want to know what kind of pay-off is there after such training. Is Togame planning on having some temptress try to seduce Shichika, but he spurns the temptress because she doesn’t smell or taste like Togame? (Don’t answer that.)

(I would have been more shocked about this scene if it weren’t for the end of Seikon no Qwaser Uncensored episode 4. They went beyond just simple soma-sucking. My jaw literally dropped. “They animated that?!”)

(Needless to say, this anime season is going to be known for all the sucking, one way or another.)

I don’t understand why her hair has to be around him… is it like some sort of recharge system a la Fate/Stay Night? And also, how’d her hair get that long? When Togame is walking, it’s not like her hair flows behind her like the train of a dress. And how would she even manage to take care of hair like that? Must be constantly washing it or on the lookout for split hairs. In any case, I find Togame’s hair to be more of an unrealistic anime stretch than some loser lucking into being the manager of a hot springs apartment populated by cute girls… who all happened to fall madly in love with him.

“A man who knows no one; a woman who closer her heart.”

In my most recent anime couples power rankings™, I have…

1. Ekaterina and Hana. They’re electric.
2. Kuroko and Biribiri. They’re electric, too.
3. Kirito and Asuna. Sword Art Online volume 3 is now approaching Bakemonogatari 14 and K-On! season two status for me.
4. Taki and Saki. Non-frumpy outfits in Paradise Lost 4tw!
5. Simon and Nia. I promise, once I get some free time, I’ll write about Gurren Lagann. I don’t think I’ve written about it enough.

(Aya Hirano voicing a lesbian loli s&m dominatrix… I knew it. I should have Seikon no Qwaser Uncensored #1 this season, beating out Durarara!!. Again, once I get some free time and lose all semblance of self-respect, I’ll dive into a post about the soma-sucking antics of Seikon no Qwaser Uncensored.)

“Cheerio!”

I was going to skip the ninety day waiting period and induct Togame into the Uchida All-Stars, but…

… she was extremely useful in the most awesome part of the episode. Loved how Shichika defeated Ginkaku’s Kenshin-like technique by using Togame as a ballast to jump off of. Though I would have loved to see Kenshin (or Muramasa’s Kisuke) go up against Ginkaku… and now I’m rooting for either to be the last katana holder. Actually, most awesome final katana wielder… Potemayo! Now that would be an awesome confrontation.

(Impressed that Shichika fed that line about wanting to protect her– hook, line, and sinker– so that Togame would stand directly behind him. He’s a genius.)

I can understand a sword that can cut through anything. I don’t understand how a sword can travel faster than light, and wouldn’t the mass of the sword approach really frickin’ heavy as it approached the speed of light? Maybe this is the technique Jedi use to deflect lasers with their lightsabers. Or maybe how Setsuna F. Seiei dodges lasers. Or maybe how Cylons can instantly transfer their memory across light-years in a blink of an eye without anyone detecting such a transfer.

(Though it is hard to take Ginkaku seriously when he looks like he’s smokes two packs a day. If he doesn’t leave his room, how’d he get food? At least people bring shut-in Kiri food.)

Togame the Strategist is more of a disappointment than Kwame Brown. When the muscle man comes up with not one but two superior plans than the so-called strategist, something is really wrong. This is like Mikuru costume raping Haruhi.

(Gotta love any plan that sacrifices Togame… especially when Shichika’s prime directive is not get let her get harmed.)

Probably even worse that she got out-strategized by a guy who couldn’t identify her even though she’s the only girl he’s seen other than his sister. I think Tiger Woods should have gone with this defense… “I couldn’t tell those other leggy blonde floozies apart from you, Elin! I swear, I thought they were you!”

I think I enjoyed this scene more ever since Togame denied being a dominatrix. Which just means that Togame desperately wants to be a dominatrix.

(This episode desperately needed some Nanami. Mmm… dominatrix Nanami…)

At this point in Katanagatari, I would have done of those “Here’s what I watched”…

… “Here’s what I expected”…

… “Here’s what I got.”

(A solid twenty minute dialogue on the level of Hidamari Sketch‘s. Not sure if this is an insult, a sign of disappointment, or a compliment. It’s one of those three. For one of those shows.)

I did enjoy all of Shichika’s face palms though. Also enjoyed how Togame put so much more thought into her award-winning memoirs than the actual battle plan. I did enjoy how they completely stopped in a scorching desert (in the middle of an important quest, may I add) to discuss nonsense. They could have browsed through Obama’s health care reform plans and wasted less time. And how could I not enjoy the fact that they crossed this seemingly endless desert… without provisions! Where’s a canteen?

I definitely think Togame needs an iPad to capture all her nuggets of wisdom. At this time, I bet Shichika’s really regretting falling for the first non-sister girl he came across. I’m also regretting believing that it’s possible to crank out a lot of good material in a short time… Nishio Ishin is obviously on cruise control with Katanagatari… or “Nishio Ishin” is actually a secret lab of 100,000 monkey with 100,000 typewriters trying to bang out Shakespeare… and instead… we get Bakemonogatari, Katanagatari, Death Note, etc. I can imagine an editor picking up a monkey transcript going, “God damn, another story featuring a tart female and an over-matched male? Where’s my Hamlet?!”

You know and I know that if Madhouse animated this, we’d be getting an eyeful of Togame’s soma after that close cut.

I think this proves that no matter what the era and no matter how urgent the task, chicks dig buying clothes. I do enjoy Togame’s asymmetrical cubist outfit, and I enjoy Shichika’s topless outfit. He looks like Heihachi from Tekken in that thing.