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Jan 11 2015

Categories: momentum
Tagged: aldnoah zero, kantai collection, maria the virgin witch, shirobako, yuri kuma arashi

12 Comments »

Holy shit, it’s been almost six and a half years since my last momentum gimmick post. There’s a lot of stuff to write about before thin slicing hits, so let’s fill the void like how a Dynamo donut fills your belly. Mmm… Dynamo donuts…

Orange-kun

Wait, you’re telling me Inaho isn’t dead? And that he miraculously escaped death? And now has cybernetic parts? And he pilots an orange mech? I’m very, very giddy at the return of Orange-kun. Have I mentioned there’s a new princess who is confined to a wheelchair? Or that Slaine masturbates nightly to Princess Asseylum’s half-dead body? Aldnoah.Zero is going to be train wreck. Might as well grab some popcorn and enjoy the ride.

Andohbytheway, my favorite line of dialogue from Aldnoah.Zero so far:

“You have changed. You can make polite small talk now.”

“Yes, I have a different writer.”

(There’s no subtlety left in the show. Shit happens too fast, characters explain rather than dialogue, and it feels like any other anime. Did we really need Inaho taking a whole two minutes to destroy an enemy mech when his previous fastest time was two episodes? At least Urobuchi manages some suspense and subtlety. Now it’s just– wait– why am I complaining? It’s been years since Code Geass.)

Walls

Walls have failed to keep out kaiju, titans, illegal job-stealing immigrants, and now bears who feast on metaphorical vaginas. When will we learn?! Stop building fricking walls and build more giant robots.

Metaphorical Vaginas Licked by Bears

It’s good to have Kunihiko Ikuhara back in our lives. Yuri Kuma Arashi… I have no fucking clue what is going on except the government thought the best way to keep bears who feast on metaphorical vaginas is to build a giant wall… and it didn’t work. I’m sure since it is Ikuhara that there’s deeper meaning into the lesbian bear nonsense like conforming to societal norms, but let’s check back on that in a few episodes

(Have you watched the original Terminator? The human resistance couldn’t tell a robot from a human when the T-800 came out because they had realistic skin. Oh really? You’d think that a huge, heavy lumbering robot couldn’t be identified in other ways? Shit like magnets, IR cameras, and dogs would expose a T-800 right away. Same thing with Sci-Fi’s Battlestar Galactica. They can’t tell a Cylon from a human, yet Cylons can instantly revive thousands of light years away. Wouldn’t they have some sort of communication device or organ that let’s them communicate instantly with something so far away? Wouldn’t you be able to find that in a MRI or any other 21st century medical examination? And now I’m to believe that these bears can blend in so well undetected? And if it is so easy for them to bypass the way and live amongst us, why haven’t more done so?)

Bears tenderizing their next meal.

Third Aerial Girl Squad

Shirobako has really grown on me. It’s a fantastic slice-of-life show, and it does everything right. It is filling the slice-of-life void left by Barakamon. If you haven’t been paying attention, the seiyuu’s VA agency is JET. Nice foreshadowing. Also, the new OP has the 3D girl modeling airplanes. So, again, while Third Aerial Girl Squad isn’t their show, the five girls will unite to make it. Don-don-donuts for everyone!

(One thing Barakamon and Shirobako have in common? Lead characters who are post-college. They are like dads and moms who don’t abandon their kids: rare in anime. Now come to think of it, both Aoi and Handa have supportive parents. Wow, two lead main characters post-college with loving parents? What are the odds?)

(Shirobako refers to how in the olden days they sent white boxed VHS tapes to the TV stations. Nowadays, I would hope sftp or Dropbox are involved. But it’s a weird old vestige of technology and a specific industry. It’s like when we release a chip to manufacturing, it’s called a “tape out,” but why? Because they were delivered on huge reels of magnetic tape. Nowadays? It’s all internet-based. Another weird vestige. I’m been trying to call it “Google Drive out,” but it is not catching on.)

Owls

Maria the Virgin Witch has given the best dialogue of the season thus far:

“Rub… what?”

“My jaws are too sore. I must have overworked them.”

Wait, so they stop wars by giving blowjobs? Finally someone has come up with a realistic method for stopping wars. Blowjobs for peace? That’s the premise of this show? Fuck yeah! #1 on thin slicing you go.

Wait, so the owl gives blowjobs? Is this why all the witches and wizards in Harry Potter have owls?

Koyokoyo?

“Ooishi Koyokoyo?”

As much as I like a solid ninety minutes of dialogue that really could have been summed up in much less time, I think Senjougahara and Ararararargi have had a total of twelve minutes of screentime together since the end of Bakemonogatari. This is a problem. What’s not a problem? Koyokoyo. Is this Senjougahara turning sickly sweet? Or is it part of her progression through the Yuno Gasai School of Girlfriending? In either case, we won’t know until Ararararargi has another six hours of monotonous dialogue, four more Fire Sisters fanservice scenes, two Hachijou story arcs, and one Kanbaru pick-up basketball game.

Skydiving Ironing

Apparently, Amagi Brilliant Park has been dominating the doujinshi scene. Kanie and Sento are Stephen Curry and Klay Thompson. I would imagine most of the douninshi to involve Kanie, Sento, Latifah, and the Elementarios with fewer involving the furries, do any involve skydiving ironing? I feel like this topic is doujinshi fodder right here.

Kantai Collection

I… I… oh anime.

(I will say I posted a comment in a popular anime forum wondering which time period Kantai Collection occurs in since it seems to be a hodgepodge of modern and WWII era technology. I ended up getting massively flamed for not knowing everything there is to know about the franchise. Someone wrote two paragraphs that amounted to, “If you don’t know where they are fighting, you are a filthy casual.” Sheesh. Kantai Collection fanatics are making Natsuverse fanatics seem tame.)

(And what are the physics behind this show? Are there physics? Or is it all hand-wavey? The girls have spirits of boats in them! They can now defy the laws of thermodynamics and the laws of motion! At least say it’s magic or some shit like that.)

Polka Dots

Where is my OVA?!