Something to put Obama vs. McCain and EuroCup 2008 into the context of delicious time-slip melonpan.
(This Post Has 23 Minutes is a fanboy examination of noteworthy events. Some readers may not share this sense of brokenness.)
The big news of the past week was
Obama agreeing to help pay off Hillary’s campaign debts oil topping $145 a barrel and sending the Dow Jones into a bear market Zimbabwe’s election Blizzard announcing Diablo III. Blizzard revealed that in addition to two other time-sucking, virginity-extending games in StarCraft 2 and the next WoW expansion, they are working on the sequel to the fabled Diablo franchise. College graduation rates are expected to plummet.
Also revealed are three of the five classes for the game: the barbarian, a strong melee character who was also a selectable class in Diablo II, the witch doctor, a spellcasting class similar to the Warcraft unit, and the wrathful loli, a hybrid class that can both cast powerful void spells as well as perform melee combat. The wrathful loli class uses baked melon-flavored bread to recover health, mana, and a new tsundere meter instead of the traditional potions. Once the tsundere meter is full, powerful spells for the wrathful loli are unlocked, including a “familiar” summon, but it’s only effective if no big breasted meido or big breasted elves are present, and a “mini me” buff that causes the wrathful loli to shrink to 1/12th normal size and use a devastating “URACHAI! URACHAI! URACHAI!” attack and a “melonpan beamu spamu.” Unfortunately, in this state, the wrathful loli can be easily trampled by a big breasted meido or big breasted elf.
(I suspect big breasted meido or big breasted elf to be the two remaining classes, seeing how Blizzard likes to keep a paper-rock-scissors type of dynamic between their classes.)
Strippers trying to raise money for breast cancer (I hope research or treatment as the article does not say and is poorly worded for that point) at Shotgun Willie’s Charity Golf Tournament arrived a bit too early. The problem? Little kids playing for a junior golf tournament were not yet done playing. The best part of the story was “a woman told KUSA-TV the event drew curious questions from her children, who asked her why the men joining the strippers had water guns and why the women wore only their underwear.” Sounds like another successful student council-run event at Ashford Academy. ALL HAIL BRITANNIA!
A story that I heard on Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me and also sent in by reader Henry, Adrienne So of Slate wonders why women can’t use their jiggly breasts to power their electronic devices? Reading this article, I learned that a D cup can move 35 inches while a B cup only moves less than an inch. Insightful research. A usage of tax money that I can get behind. In a related story, season two of Gundam 00 will reveal that the secret to the Gundam’s solar furnace is that all of their power is really generated by Sumeragi’s melonpan and the solar furnaces are just a ruse. That’s why Soma’s GN-X drive was infinitely inferior to Sumeragi’s trans-am-capable true GN system.
(Also, I hope someone at Blizzard is reading this article just to add in a +1 melonpan bonus for the wrathful loli tier 4 set bonus.)
Last Thursday was the NBA draft, one of my all-time favorite past times. I was Maid Guy Hair Roper giddy when Memphis drafted center Kevin Love, which would give Memphis the projected frontcourt of Gay-Love. Kevin Love and Rudy Gay in the paint– what’s not to like? Especially if Rolo showed up one day wearing a Memphis Grizzlies jersey. Later that night, they broke my heart by trading Kevin Love to Minnesota. The dream is dead.
The United States / Britannian Supreme Court ruled that Washington DC’s handgun ban infringes on the people’s right to bear arms. No word yet on their ruling as to the right to hold Maria in one’s arms.
High fuel prices are hurting everyone, even brothel owners. But one demographic high gas prices have not yet effected: harem anime characters. How many harem anime characters can you name who drive cars? Keiichi Morisato comes to mind… and… uh… I dunno. Nevermind that the driving age in Japan is 18, I can think of more harem anime characters who pilot giant mecha than I can think of driving a car. Then again, if you can use a bad-ass Ben Wallace-class mecha to ferry you to 107 dates, you don’t really need a car. (Come to think of it, Shinkirou is perfect for Lulu. The cockpit only seats one, so it’s not like he needs to get busy in it at Lover’s Lane or anything.)
When questioned about tomatoes from her garden that have been suspected at making people sick, Chiko’s aunt gave a terse, “No comment.”
And, finally, the real biggest news story of them all (yes, even surpassing Diablo III): Nia’s gravure mook was released, causing fanboys to cry in sheer joy in the streets of Akihabara. Okay, I made that last part up since most of them probably ordered online since they’re all hikikomori. But it’s still a fantastic mook and rivals Yoko’s earlier release. The lacrosse moe mode is still weird… I’m trying to think of an even weirder anime character and sports combo, and I’m not succeeding. Ranka and golf? Kyonko and Calvinball? Shizuru and Natsuki lawn bowling? Belldandy curling? Actually, that would be pretty damn moe.
(The equestrian image I can understand: the horse is just glad it made it out of Code Geass.)