this post has 23 minutes

Something to put Obama vs. McCain and EuroCup 2008 into the context of delicious time-slip melonpan.

(This Post Has 23 Minutes is a fanboy examination of noteworthy events. Some readers may not share this sense of brokenness.)

The big news of the past week was Obama agreeing to help pay off Hillary’s campaign debts oil topping $145 a barrel and sending the Dow Jones into a bear market Zimbabwe’s election Blizzard announcing Diablo III. Blizzard revealed that in addition to two other time-sucking, virginity-extending games in StarCraft 2 and the next WoW expansion, they are working on the sequel to the fabled Diablo franchise. College graduation rates are expected to plummet.

Also revealed are three of the five classes for the game: the barbarian, a strong melee character who was also a selectable class in Diablo II, the witch doctor, a spellcasting class similar to the Warcraft unit, and the wrathful loli, a hybrid class that can both cast powerful void spells as well as perform melee combat. The wrathful loli class uses baked melon-flavored bread to recover health, mana, and a new tsundere meter instead of the traditional potions. Once the tsundere meter is full, powerful spells for the wrathful loli are unlocked, including a “familiar” summon, but it’s only effective if no big breasted meido or big breasted elves are present, and a “mini me” buff that causes the wrathful loli to shrink to 1/12th normal size and use a devastating “URACHAI! URACHAI! URACHAI!” attack and a “melonpan beamu spamu.” Unfortunately, in this state, the wrathful loli can be easily trampled by a big breasted meido or big breasted elf.

(I suspect big breasted meido or big breasted elf to be the two remaining classes, seeing how Blizzard likes to keep a paper-rock-scissors type of dynamic between their classes.)

Strippers trying to raise money for breast cancer (I hope research or treatment as the article does not say and is poorly worded for that point) at Shotgun Willie’s Charity Golf Tournament arrived a bit too early. The problem? Little kids playing for a junior golf tournament were not yet done playing. The best part of the story was “a woman told KUSA-TV the event drew curious questions from her children, who asked her why the men joining the strippers had water guns and why the women wore only their underwear.” Sounds like another successful student council-run event at Ashford Academy. ALL HAIL BRITANNIA!

A story that I heard on Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me and also sent in by reader Henry, Adrienne So of Slate wonders why women can’t use their jiggly breasts to power their electronic devices? Reading this article, I learned that a D cup can move 35 inches while a B cup only moves less than an inch. Insightful research. A usage of tax money that I can get behind. In a related story, season two of Gundam 00 will reveal that the secret to the Gundam’s solar furnace is that all of their power is really generated by Sumeragi’s melonpan and the solar furnaces are just a ruse. That’s why Soma’s GN-X drive was infinitely inferior to Sumeragi’s trans-am-capable true GN system.

(Also, I hope someone at Blizzard is reading this article just to add in a +1 melonpan bonus for the wrathful loli tier 4 set bonus.)

Last Thursday was the NBA draft, one of my all-time favorite past times. I was Maid Guy Hair Roper giddy when Memphis drafted center Kevin Love, which would give Memphis the projected frontcourt of Gay-Love. Kevin Love and Rudy Gay in the paint– what’s not to like? Especially if Rolo showed up one day wearing a Memphis Grizzlies jersey. Later that night, they broke my heart by trading Kevin Love to Minnesota. The dream is dead.

The United States / Britannian Supreme Court ruled that Washington DC’s handgun ban infringes on the people’s right to bear arms. No word yet on their ruling as to the right to hold Maria in one’s arms.


High fuel prices are hurting everyone, even brothel owners. But one demographic high gas prices have not yet effected: harem anime characters. How many harem anime characters can you name who drive cars? Keiichi Morisato comes to mind… and… uh… I dunno. Nevermind that the driving age in Japan is 18, I can think of more harem anime characters who pilot giant mecha than I can think of driving a car. Then again, if you can use a bad-ass Ben Wallace-class mecha to ferry you to 107 dates, you don’t really need a car. (Come to think of it, Shinkirou is perfect for Lulu. The cockpit only seats one, so it’s not like he needs to get busy in it at Lover’s Lane or anything.)

When questioned about tomatoes from her garden that have been suspected at making people sick, Chiko’s aunt gave a terse, “No comment.”

And, finally, the real biggest news story of them all (yes, even surpassing Diablo III): Nia’s gravure mook was released, causing fanboys to cry in sheer joy in the streets of Akihabara. Okay, I made that last part up since most of them probably ordered online since they’re all hikikomori. But it’s still a fantastic mook and rivals Yoko’s earlier release. The lacrosse moe mode is still weird… I’m trying to think of an even weirder anime character and sports combo, and I’m not succeeding. Ranka and golf? Kyonko and Calvinball? Shizuru and Natsuki lawn bowling? Belldandy curling? Actually, that would be pretty damn moe.

(The equestrian image I can understand: the horse is just glad it made it out of Code Geass.)

28 Responses to “this post has 23 minutes”

  1. NIIIAAAAAA!!!!!

    Also, the wrathful loli class seems a bit overpowered, it needs some tweaking… maybe a weakness against spineless male enemies?

    Lastly, that Gundam 00 genderbend must be burned. Nasty.

  2. Sweeeeeet, Nia image folder is now only 300 images behind my Yoko one~

  3. (I suspect big breasted meido or big breasted elf to be the two remaining classes, seeing how Blizzard likes to keep a paper-rock-scissors type of dynamic between their classes.)

    I happen to have an ear in Blizzard’s R&D department, and the other female class is a big-breasted elf meido. Apparently, meido is the new ninja or rogue class. The best of both worlds, maybe.

    Oh, and the third Gurren-Lagann music video is out.

  4. Nia: What’s wrong, Mr. Horse? Couldn’t take the FABULOUS?

    In other news, Blizzard revealed a new ability for the Wrathful Loli, “Tsundere for Sunrise”, which resets the in-game time to 0700 and creates a storm of trains.

  5. Nia playing lacrosse is little surprising but I like it. You can take any sports, add Nia and it’s moe. Lacrosse even sounds like a moe mode.

    Even thou Mr. Horse was so horny for Lulu, Nia saves. Btw wasn’t it white before…

  6. Cue squeals of “NIAAA!!”! while I’m stuck in work with a cold.
    Goshdarn it, she really knows how to brighten my day!

  7. Paraller works 3. Wow! Tengen goes Samurai Champloo^2

  8. a “mini me” buff that causes the wrathful loli to shrink to 1/12th normal size and use a devastating “URACHAI! URACHAI! URACHAI!” attack and a “melonpan beamu spamu.” Unfortunately, in this state, the wrathful loli can be easily trampled by a big breasted meido or big breasted elf.

    So you mean to say the Blizzard team haven’t learned from Macross Frontier to Reverse miclone their lolis and miclone their barbarian Giantess? Tsk Tsk.

  9. Keiichi CAN drive, but in practice he usually rocks the much more fuel efficient BMW motorbike with sidecar. (As for races, I hope the NITMVC gets school funding for their gas expenses.)

    Belldandy curling would be awesome. And she’d be terrifyingly good at it. Now I kind of want to see an AMG curling team.

  10. That’s an awesome Maria picture. The art has improved since the first volume, where the characters seemed to suffer from some kind of facial imbalance. And the Shana Louise picture is auto-get.

  11. Here’s your mismatched sport: Ranka and American football.

  12. Okay, what is with the 5th image in the book. I get the 3 faces of Nia thing but whats with the setting and the random stuffed animals with horses heads and in boxes…not to mention Boota (looking pretty badass) riding a lamb that is apparently tied to Nia’s finger. And a pig with a black eye and a garter around his neck. These are the things of LSD nightmares.

  13. “Kyonko and Calvinball”

    Actually anyone in Calvinball would be badass. Rules…who needs rules.

  14. I love these posts.

    Man Diablo was huge when I was in like 8th-10th grade. I’m not sure how much fun a dungeon crawler will be in this day and age, though. Like, how will fewer classes and smaller scale be more fun then WoW? Even if there’s no monthly fee.

    In that post about the energy bra, the author calls her boobs ‘the girls’. A girl I used to date did the same thing. I wonder if this is like a gender-as-a-whole thing. I thought the female conspiracies disintegrated when we gave them the vote.

    Maria in a school swimsuit=dynamite.

  15. But, why is the miedo gone?

  16. Well, would we rather NOT have Nia in Lacrosse-wear? Personally I see a couple of things that make the Lacrosse moe-mode reasonable.

    Oh, and get ANY girl (or trap) playing Calvinball? Just shoot me.

  17. (Append to last one)
    Well… ALMOST any girl, mind you. Say, around the lines of Maria or Mizuho-neesama.

  18. Nothing like seeing Nia play Canada’s national sport!

    My vote for most mismatched would be Rena and UFC… GOMENASAI GOMENASAI GOMENASAI…. *hack hack hack*… oh wait that would work out nicely…

  19. good variety of pictures from many different series! very impressed..

    Also, I saw a good youtube vid from The Onion that BLIZZARD is in development of a new game: World of World of Warcraft, where players play as a gamer who is playing WOW. lol, whatev…

  20. epic post

    all hail titania!…americania!….britania!

  21. Took entirely too long to get to that Nia link! Shame on you!

    Then again, I guess if it had been anywhere but last, your entire post would have been derailed.

  22. >>Later that night, they broke my heart by trading Kevin Love to Minnesota. The dream is dead.

    Chris Wallace couldn’t pass up killer condiment

    Hoping for a Darryporn gravure book

  23. Im agree with Rob.. Cool anime pics…
    Good blog btw…


  24. The Gundam 00 gender-bend picture was kind of nast, but frankly it took me a few minutes to notice there was anything different. Ah yes. Tieria’s wearing different shoes.

  25. Obama agreed to pay off Hilary’s campaign debts? NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! OTL

    *ahem* enough of that….I actually really liked the lacrosse page, but I can’t take any horses seriously after Code Geass.

  26. Next up on espn 8 the Ocho:
    followed by Tomoya rules Calivin Ball
    and then female midget Greko Roman Wrestling
    caped off by wrathfuly loli Lacrosse or WLLAX as the cool kids say

  27. Is ‘mook’ what you call gravure manga? I really don’t know about these things.. seems a little weird.

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